Expensive mountain bikes + pub = injuries
A couple of years back I was visiting two of my mountain biking buddies. All three of us had just bought brand new, full suspension Specialized Enduro mountain bikes with all trimmings. Between the three of us our bikes amounted to some £7k worth.

Post ride, we decided to head to the local pub for a few jars to ease the conversation, which consisted mainly of words like "dude!", "gnarly" and "big air".

We're riding through a rural Essex village which is distinguishable by it's very lack of craggy geological features, when the urge to tit around like seven year olds takes over. Phil (he of builder fame) is practicing jumping off things and I'm keen to follow in his tyre tracks, gleefully hurling myself off anything like a demented lemming.

Nathan however is practicing the fine art of hitting the front brake and lifting the rear wheel in one smooth motion - known to all as the "stoppie". Having lept off a kerb, I'm airborne as Nathan decides to execute a stoppie when he's directly in my path.

My beer fuzzed senses are slow to react, something in my brain screams "stop", so I jam on the brakes. However, four pot hydraulic disc brakes are as much use as a pair of chocolate trousers when both wheels aren't touching the ground.

The bike lands with the brakes applied, which throws me over the bars right at Nathan. Being on a pub ride, I'm not wearing any headgear so I hit Nathan noggin first in the kidneys, winding him. I drop like a sack of spuds onto Nathan's rear tyre with all my weight, and then bounce down the road a few more times for effect.

Dazed, I get back on the bike and inspect for damage. Thankfully there's not a scratch, so we gingerly proceed to the next beer garden on the list. I'm aware of a few strange pains on the way but think nothing of it.

Sat in the beer garden, I lift my t shirt to inspect the damage. Much to everyone's amusement I seemed to be sporting an imprint of Nathan's rear tyre all the way across my torso, from my right armpit to my left kidney. I had a near perfect tyre tread image embossed in bruises, of which I was understandably very proud.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 21 Dec 2007, 10:39, Reply)