Totally made up...
And with apologies to Viz. From their letters page...

I came home from work the other night and found the missus in the kitchen pouring a pan of freshly boiled spaghetti over her head.

"I'm just putting the dinner on", she quipped.

How we laughed on the way to the burns unit.

/Gone...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 3 Jan 2008, 18:29, 7 replies)

A doctor was visiting a hospital
and touring with one of their doctors. He was shown the ER, the ICU, Labor and Delivery, the CCU and all the rest, when they entered a ward full of men muttering to themselves. One glances up at them and growls "Wee, sleekit, cow'rin', tim'rous beastie, O what a panic's in thy breastie!"

Another man looked up and replied, "We'll take a cup o' kindness yet For auld lang syne."

A third shook his head and comented, "O wad power or giftie gie us, to see oursel's as others see us!"

When the doctors reached the hall the visiting doctor said, "You didn't tell me you had a psych ward."

"Oh, that's not a psych ward," the other doctor said. "That was the Serious Burns Unit."

(/coat)
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 3 Jan 2008, 18:43, closed)

*steals*
I like that, whatsmore it'll be useful come Burns night.
(Evilweevil is covered in bees, Thu 3 Jan 2008, 19:59, closed)

Christ...
I hope I haven't started something...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 3 Jan 2008, 21:09, closed)

I think...
The only thing you've started is a desire for crap jokes to be relayed on here.

Sorry Loon.
( girlinthehole, Thu 3 Jan 2008, 21:28, closed)

Oh come on!!
That was a GREAT joke! You just need to know something of classic literature and have an appreciation for word-play!

Sheesh! Tough crowd tonight...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 3 Jan 2008, 21:31, closed)

Whne The
Bomber who tried to blow up Glasgow airport died a hospital spokesman described his condition as:

"Satisfactory"

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 3 Jan 2008, 22:34, closed)

I recall Bernard Manning's condition
Being described as such once he was safely in the morgue...
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 4 Jan 2008, 6:27, closed)