However , the hardest job..
Tugjobs were all very good when you're 13, but after seeing Swedish Erotica Vol 3 at a mate's house and the look on a man's face as he was vigourously fellated, it suddenly made my hand seem a little, well, passé. Notwithstanding my lack of dirty-minded girlfriend, or a girlfriend at all in fact, I thought it might be possible to do it myself. It didn't look very far if I bent over, so that night I had a go.

Yeah yeah, I know what you're thinking, but I'd bet a tenner to a turd that there isn't a guy on here who hasn't tried it at some point in their youth.

Anyhoo, that night, I was sitting on my bed and I hunched over and failed to get remotely close enough. So I decided to lie on my back and roll over. I got my legs over my head and touched my toes on the bed. I rolled a little further, and got my knees on the bed behind. I was very close, so close I couldn't focus on it. I grabbed the back of my legs and pulled down to close that last 3cm when something twinged in my back. It felt like someone had jabbed me with a pair of compasses.
I rolled back straight and my neck ached a bit, but it'd put me off and I gave up and went to sleep.

The next day my back ached so much I got my mum to write me a note for PE. "I dunno mum, I must've been laid funny during the night."
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 11:39, 11 replies)

Ever seen Shortbus?
Apparently the way to go about it is to gradually stretch your back by steadily increasing the effort over several days.

And be really skinny.
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 11:45, closed)

Oh, I was skinny alright
just not very flexible.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 11:48, closed)

Having a 10" cock helps too
Or so I would imagine :-(
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 13:52, closed)

and if you're still not flexible enough
you could still fit a rollerskate on it, make beeping noises and pretend to be R2D2
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:03, closed)

i actually used to be able to do it when i was 14 or so. haven't tried for years mind!
(boosh, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:32, closed)

I could when I was twelve or thirteen
but then I got a bit lardy. Rather later I got a girl to do it for me, and it's considerably better that way!
( Fronds are waving gently on, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 17:27, closed)

I hate you all

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 18:32, closed)

I agree, we've all tried it
...and we all would if we could.

But the question is...

...would you swallow?
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 14:41, closed)

...or spit on yourself while looking in the mirror and call yourself a dirty girl?
(Turtlenuts, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 15:00, closed)

Me personally
I would've hopped onto my Grifter, biked to my mate's house and spat it onto his mum's tits.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 15:39, closed)

I'm too fat to manage this larky, but I've tasted myself many's a time. AND I TASTE FUCKING GREAT.
(Clerk T Hazarde are all the wine, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 16:44, closed)