* PFFT *I've been pretty farty all week, but 2 large helpings of sausage and lentil stew last night have really tipped things over the edge. I swear you can see these ones.
I'm here at work trying to hold them in so I (a) don't have to keep nipping to the loo like a madman and (b) don't gas half the office, but it's becoming increasingly difficult. I might rupture something if I'm not careful.
Tell us all about your own fartiness.
(
chthonic, Fri 13 Jul 2007, 14:01)
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F FartsPulled Irish bird. Really fit. Very, very pleased with self.
Expecting midnight raid on the port, I got Durex Extra safe out of toilets (also known as Tesco Carrier Bag after this event)
Get fruity wih woman.
'I've got the painters in'
'Don't worry - we can put a towel down'
'Ok.' Quoth she.
Wander to bathroom.
Select cream coloured towel (Heh Heh!)
Proceed to copulate. Enjoying immensely. This is brilliant.
"Parp!"
[Methinks: Hmmn. Unusual. Oh well, onwards and upwards!]
"ParpaRP!"
[Methinks: Er... what's happening here? Must be fanny fart/trapped air?]
"PARP!"
[Shit Shit Shit! What's going on! Why me!]
"PPPPPPPPPAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPP!"
Now, at this point, I have no idea how her housemate and my mate in the next room don't come in in alarm.
What shall I do? Well, the red bull in my mind was writing cheques the vodka in my body couldn't cash.
[Methinks: try alternate position]
'Let's try something else Irish bird'
'OK'
Joy! No noise!
Two mins happy pounding...
Pound...pound...pound..."BRWRWARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPP!"
Astonishing volume. I nearly soiled myself in shock. I have since recreated the sound to my pals in the pub and the response is always
"Frucking Hell"
Irish bird:
'I don't think we're compatible in bed'
I would have been shocked by this, excepit was very perceptive.
Length? More like a wizards' sleeve.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2007, 11:47, closed)
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