Fucking Tescos
Ok, so last night I went to the Albert Hall to go and see Jason Mraz. It was a marvellous gig and I learnt that he has some batshit insane fans (which may be fodder for a future QOTW). Anyway, to avoid travelling through the night to get home I decided to book a cheap hotel in Kensington, stop overnight and come back the next morning to work a 2-8 shift (which I am currently on).

Now because I wasn't sure when the gig ended, I decided to pop in Tescos beforehand to get some sandwiches etc to eat when I got back from the concert. I also picked up a 1 litre bottle of Tescos own version of Red Bull, which has a slightly higher caffeine content. I do have rather high blood pressure at the moment but I figured a wee glass in the morning would get me out of bed and off to the coach station without too much harm (caffeine tends to do weird things to me so I have to be careful).

So anyway, I get into my (frankly grotty) little hotel room, crawl into bed and try and sleep. It wasn't going too well since my head was still buzzing slightly from the concert. I came too with a dry funky mouth and as a kneejerk reaction reached to my bedside table for a drink (as I'm sure most of you keep a drink on your bedside table). However, being rather out of it from tiredness I just grabbed the first bottle shaped thing and downed it all in one go. A litre of it, to be precise. I then realised I'd just drunk a litre of this ridiculously high caffeine drink in one go and suddenly realised what was going to happen to me that night.

Now please bear in mind that I don't smoke, do drugs or drink, so caffeine is about the only chemical experience I ever get. Within an hour my left side was tingling and shaking. I spent a solid hour walking round the bedroom. Then I spent another hour playing tetris on my phone, beating my previous high score by a ridiculous margin.

Then I tried to sleep, but for some reason every time I did the number 96 flashed brilliantly in my head. I honestly have no idea how my body is wired up but after 20 minutes of this I was hyper and freaking out at the number 96.

In the end, I sat up and watched all the early morning educational programs. I learnt lots about Skihism and Buddhism last night. I finally got to sleep at 6.45am, only to have to get up again at 8.30.

So I am currently sat here at work, sleep deprived and spinning on my chair to try and stay awake.

Yes, it was my own bastard fault for drinking a 1 litre bottle of a cheap Red Bull knock off. But I'm still blaming the cunts at Tesco for making 1 litre bottles and putting more caffeine in it than Red Bull, AND charging less for it.

On a side note, if there are any Sikhs on b3ta, may I just say you have a most excellent religion. If I wasn't such a cynical, hate filled husk of a human being I'd ask for a membership pack.

No apologies for length or dullness. I'm tired and cranky.

*EDIT* Just to any conspiracy theorists bored enough to doubt the validity of my story - I have next to no taste thanks to growing up with smokers, so I generally just taste "fizzy". The lack of taste also means I own a Deacon Blue tour shirt. Yeah, ok, that bit was a lie.
(GONEism, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:43, 12 replies)

You're tired
I've got a cat, she thinks it's fair game at 4am to start pestering me because she wants to be let outside, even though she has a perfectly functional catflap, to nibble some grass.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:54, closed)

Jason Mraz
Who?
(wrigglesworth, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:59, closed)

Oooooh
go and youtube him. He's really good if you're into chillout acoustic bongo happy hippy stuff. He has a most excellent voice.
(GONEism, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 18:00, closed)

Every so often
(As a cheap-arsed student a few years ago)

I would try drinking 3 litres of that stuff before going out to the club instead of drinking alcohol.

The effects were akin to MDMA....
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 18:03, closed)

Well thank you
I was starting to worry I was just a complete weakling. Now I feel hard (non sexually). I may just go out and punch an old lady just for the hell of it.
(GONEism, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 18:09, closed)

rubbish
i don't believe this. who would down a whole litre of red bull without noticing it? maybe if you were really pissed but as you said you don't drink.
LIES!
(Dread Pirate Roberts, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 18:40, closed)

Yes, you're right
You caught me. You'd best go and get the teacher.

For the record I live in a house of smokers and have next to no taste at all. That's also why I'm replying to you.
(GONEism, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 18:42, closed)

me
I would.

That's definitely something I would do.
(misskitty reeks of sex and turpentine; laudanum afternoons, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 3:04, closed)

I can vouch for crazy caffeine experiences...
My friend and I purposely drank tesco's own Redbull (Kick i believe it's called). Within half an hour we were hyperactive to say the least.

My friend ran downstairs, looked at me for about 10 seconds then yelled at full volume

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME CHOCOLATE TASTED SO GOOD".

We then proceeded to watch Monty Python and almost split our sides laughing at "I was once bit by a Møøse".

For shame.
( Axai is in Montréal, Canada O.o, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 19:09, closed)

Not much to do with your post, but:
If you look in the credits of Tetris on your phone, you'll find my name. I think I'm in as "project manager" or "assistant producer" or something like that....
(ScousersPet, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 8:29, closed)

Sikhs are cool
They're also fucking hard.

The end.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:17, closed)

I'm a 15-a-day smoker
but I can still taste the difference between Red Bull and something else.
(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:09, closed)