My good friend
My good friend Carl is an undertaker, much fun is had by all on nights out when we start making puns about his job "this is a DEAD good night out" etc..childish but oh so funny, to us anyway.

He comes up with loads of stories about some old money grabbing gammer, who refuses to retire. It must be his lifes aim to drop dead doing his job. Where better to do it than in a funeral directors?

Anyway, he once dropped a memorial wreath that they place on top of the coffin down into the pit (i dont know the technical term, if there is one) and he jumped down to collect them but realised he couldnt get out again, so 4 people had to drag him out in the middle of a funeral.

There was the time he crashed the hearse into the one my mate was driving on the way to the cemetary.

He also has a habit of tripping over tiny gravestones and falling flat on his face in the middle of the ceremony because he is as blind as a bat.

He also is as deaf as a twunt and he's the guy who puts the flowers on top of the coffin before its lowered down, he once forgot to put them on so there was an awkward silence as everyone waited for this old fella to put the 'DAD' on top of the coffin. He must have fallen asleep, my mate was whsipering in increasing noise 'Joe, the flowers' he eventually had to shout in the middle of a funeral.

My mate had me in stitches with this...they were preparing a body for the family to look at with flowers around and stuff then one fellow decides to stick a rose down the mans pants as a larf. My mate decides to go one further, takes the rose out of his pants puts it in his mouth and dances the tango around the body. He was then told the deceased had died of some syphillis related or std related illness. My mate was mortified and wouldnt stop washing his mouth out for days. Although now he tells us the 'boys' played a prank on him and he dead guy died of a heart attack.

Ive loads more but i think ive made you bleed enough already with my length.
(PieEater, Fri 12 May 2006, 2:11, Reply)