Slighty rambling, I apologise!
As a child, I was raised as a Catholic. Being innocent, and not prone to mischief, I suppose I was the ideal type of kid to be in a catholic school.

I was polite to the teachers, I was well behaved, I had no problem doing what I was told when I was told and I even had fear for my sins, truly believing that Christ had died for my sins.

By the age of about seven, I started to learn to be an altarboy. This meant more involvement in the church, so as well as going to mass during the day with the school, I was there after school and obviously on Sundays.

Around the same time as starting as an altarboy, my parents decided to divorce. I don't remember this having an immediate effect on me. In my mind, life went on and although it was a blow, things were ok.

My poor old mum, however, says that it tore her apart to see my schoolwork suffer, and although I never became a problem child, it was obvious to everyone that something big had happened in my life.

I remember understanding that my mum and dad needed to be apart. My dad was a sod at the best of times, and everyone told me that it was for the best. With hindsight (and the knowledge it brings), mum was in a bad way - on the verge of having a huge heart attack which, combined with an over-active thyroid and other problems she had, probably would have killed her.

I also remember the church not being too supportive. The Catholic church has old fashioned values, remember? And divorce is very much frowned upon. No matter how it was for the best, it was still wrong.

So I quit being an altarboy and stopped going to church altogether. I still had to go with the school, but weekday evenings and weekends were my own again.

I was experiencing resentment for the first time in my life, and it was bitter tasting.

Several years of education are hard to wash away though, and with years still ahead of me at a catholic primary school, and with me at an impressionable age, I find myself now as a 31 year old with mixed feelings towards religion.

I believe in God. Even though the intellectual, scientific side of my brain realises He is more likely to NOT exist than exist.

I think the bible is a good book that has stories teaching generally good morales, but is highly unlikely to be true, especially with some parts being written 300 years after others.

I think it's insane that I can live my life to the best of my ability - Be good, treat others well, follow the Ten Commandments wherever possible - yet when I die, if I haven't confessed my sins recently, I am likely not to go straight to Heaven, yet you can have a child rapist or murderer that confesses his sins on his deathbed who is then forgiven and allowed in to Heaven.

I don't understand why the bible contradicts itself yet still sticks by whatever point it tries to make.

I don't understand how a huge book like the bible can be translated from latin to English - many years ago before it could be proof-read - and yet no-one can admit that there could be one (just one) translation error.

I don't understand the stories of God testing the faith of his followers (of which there is a fantastic story of a B3tan's battle with his faith where he was taught this story at Sunday school. I apologise as I can't find the story, but someone please link it in the replies as it is brilliant and if anything needs to be reposted on this QOTW)

So here I am. 31 years old. Believer in God. Don't go to church. Generally believe that if I'm good I'll be rewarded when I die and if I'm bad I'll be punished when I die. I believe the dictionary definition of a church being "a group of people" rather than a place of worship. I mistrust the faith that I believe in. And I believe in Darwin's Theory of Evolution.

Yours, Confused of Chelmsford.
( SeasonTicketless is too often the statue, and rarely the pigeon., Fri 20 Mar 2009, 7:13, 4 replies)

Not just from Latin.
Prior to that, Hebrew, and prior to that....well, however many languages that no longer exist.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 7:17, closed)

altar boy
just a spelling correction, sorry you feel so confused about everything. to be honest i feel much the same way though coming from a jewish background not catholic ... ho hum, might as well get on with LIVING though :)
(zenmeban thinks the weather could be better, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 8:44, closed)

spelling.
Whoops. Thanks. Will try and correct the spelling later.

Weirdly, things are only confusing if I stop and think about it all. As you say, stop worrying and continue living.
( SeasonTicketless is too often the statue, and rarely the pigeon., Fri 20 Mar 2009, 9:12, closed)

There are no errors in the Bible.
How could there be? God has guided the hand of the translators so it's all exactly as it should be.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 20 Mar 2009, 10:12, closed)