Wankplane to Orgasmville
I used to work with a girl who was well into Jesus. If there was a fanclub she'd have been his number one fan.

Which was odd because she looked like she had the full allocation of chromosomes. In fact she was pretty damn hot.

When she first turned up at the office she decorated her desk with little knick nacks she'd picked up visiting the various top ten god-bothering sights across Europe. She turned her little work area into a shrine for all things godly and good.

Which didn't really fit in with the general ethos of the office, which was if it moves fuck it, if it doesn't move, fuck it anyway.

Some people started taking the piss out of her. I didn't. In fact I stood up for her. Why? Because she had a right to express her views and opinions about religion in the workplace? No. Quite simply she had very, very, VERY nice boobies.

Anyway. I'm sat chatting to her on one slow day. I was bored shitless and decided to ask a pretty straightforward question.

"Amy," which was her name. "Is it a sin whenever I have a wank?"

Amy went a bright shade of red. She nodded. "You're murdering your, you know, your sperm."

Murdering my sperm??? Fuck me, if that was the case I'd be up for the mass genocide of hundreds of trillions of the little tadpoley fuckers.

"What do you mean?" I pressed.

"Well, you know... You should only, you know, orgasm... erm... if it's in the act of making a baby."

"But your not guarenteed to get pregnant everytime you have sex," I quipped.

Amy nodded. "But you should always try. If you orgasm without procreation then its sinful. You're killing your, well, you know, your seed..."

My seed??? Fuck me...

I thought about this for a moment. "So its sinful if I wank off into a bit of tissue because my sperm are effectively dying without trying to make a baby?"

Amy nods. - God, I thought, I bet this girl goes bareback!

Then something occurs to me: "So, I take it by your theory everytime a woman has a wank they're not producing any sperm and therfore killing them needlessly, so that's ok? It's fine if a woman paddles the pink canoe?"

Amy looks at me as if she doesn't quite understand.

"You know, flicks the bean, plays the pink accordion...," I sigh, "its ok if a woman touches herself until she orgasms."

Amy's eyes go wide. She turns back to her computer and starts typing.

"That is disgusting!" she says. "Women don't do THAT!"

Strange... I just can't imagine anyone going the whole of their life without flying the wankplane solo to Orgasmville...

...Probably explains why so many of them are so fuckin uptight.
( SpankyHanky, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 11:20, 7 replies)

She sounds like the female equivalent
of Elias from Clerks 2
( applehead herp derp, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 11:27, closed)

Of course
It's worth considering that the first thing she did when she got in from work was to go lie down and decide whether it counts as a sin.

Now there's one for my wank-bank and I don't even know what she looks like
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 11:32, closed)

Actually...
I do know one girl who has never ever touched herself, not once!

Stupid Catholic parents.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 11:37, closed)

Educate her
and add to your collection of blood stains
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 11:39, closed)

.
Already have!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 13:44, closed)

Sir.
It seems like everything you post earns a click from me.

Are you Pooflake's hitherto undocumented twin?

*clicks*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 25 Mar 2009, 13:59, closed)

We're both from the glorious East Midlands
shithole named Coventry...

...there must be something in the water there.

Either that or Pooflakes dad was fucking my mum on the sly...
( SpankyHanky, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 14:43, closed)