Oh, here's another one
While at school, we had completed a mock exam in physics and the teacher was going through the questions.
"Question 96, Mains electricity is Direct Current"
Really.
I replied "Like fuck, its AC"
She was adimant, as was half the fucktards in the group (bare in mind they were 15 years old and second from top in the school)
She wouldn't belive me and told me to announce my answer to the head of science and the top class.

He, and his class pissed themselves laughing and she soon vanished from the face of the earth. British education sucks anyway, without retards like this trying to teach.
( nnnndave, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 12:06, Reply)

British geography
A conversation overheard at work:

- Is Buckinghamshire in Kent?
- No, it's in Surrey.
( Safetyfox, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 12:05, Reply)

Sp3cial Person:
I wasn't insulting Aussies, it's just that the cockney accent is about the nearest we Brits get to the Australian accent. It still doesn't really that similar but you know what stoopid Americans are like. :)
(Mr Slippyfist, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 12:05, Reply)

A tad unfair
as I suppose special needs kids are by definition ignorant but...

My mother and her educationally/behaviourly challenged class were working in the 'conservation area' (scummy pond behind school) and they found a little black kitten. Coal black, pitch black, etc. The school decided it could be a school cat and the following conversation ensued.

Mum: "What shall we call the kitten"

Backward child: "Snowy"

Mum: "No, we can't call it Snowy. Who knows why we can't call it Snowy?"

Cue furious cogitation (apart from the strange child who is rubbing himself in the corner)

BC2: "Because it's summer?"

As has already been said many times- Bless 'em
(clapper, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 12:04, Reply)

Not Australian

Following the posting about Brits being mistaken for Aussies in the US, whilst in California last year I was asked "What part of Mexico are you from?"

I'm from the West Midlands and look like I ought to be related to Phil and Grant Mitchell (but better looking, obviously).
(Steve The Monkey, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 12:04, Reply)

On work experience a few years ago
I was working in an office with a lairy 6'2" moron called rob who had a peroxide blonde goatee and the IQ of the average tea towel. I don't know how the conversation started but it got to the subject of peanuts. He was absolutely insistant that "they are made out of wood" and that anyone who doubted him was a twat.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 12:02, Reply)

Blonde Moments
I had my assistant once ask my manager if "Edin-burg" airpost was close enough to "Edinborough" airport becasue she couldn't find one on the Easyjet site!?
(Roxy_Bees, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 11:55, Reply)

24 yr old primary school teacher
Looking at river: "which way is the sea?"
Picking flowers: "what are flowers for, anyway?"
Watching fire: "what is coal?"

The best theory I heard was that she'd been abducted by aliens at age 4 and only placed back on our earth shortly before these incidents.
( valley, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 11:53, Reply)

A couple....
"We won't raise taxes" -fucking twunt.

Scottish friend of mine lived in San Diego some years ago, load of ex-pats there too. Highland games were on there, at which one of our Septic cousins said, "I even know what tribe my original family are from in Scotland".
Que my friend's hubby holding her back. (She's from paisley, bless her.)
(CdrVimes, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 11:53, Reply)

Ah well
On a family holiday to Bournemouth (yay!) my grandma announced (very loudly) "Its just like being in Africa", when we were all stood on the station platform surrounded by black people (for some reason we were the only white people on the station that day)


Also my mum is a gold mine for silly things to say:
here are some off the top off my head:
"Red sky at night, shepards delight, red sky in the morning, shepards pie!"

Whilst driving down the road "I forgot the car keys"

"I know someone who's legs fell off" - turns out they had their arm amputated

"If you get buy one get one free, it works out cheaper as you get more for less. thats right isn't it?"
( SocialRobot, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 11:53, Reply)

Doctor Evil....
not only that, but thier plans to picket swedish survivors in Phuket seem a little mis-guided.

www.godhatesfags.com/fliers/jan2005/Phuket_1-4-2005.pdf

I though that Swedes went there because it was sunny and lovely... silly me.
They also "priase god for 3000 dead americans".. problem with that is this: If ALL Swedes are evil becuase SOME went to thailand... then ALL americans are Evil... including the bible bashers themselves. They compound thier own Damnation by applying for Visas to go there themselves... (the dirty perverts)

To the Judges.... does "a total inability to follow your own god-fearing hate-preaching logic" count as ingnorance?

Enough. I grow weary of discussing people who live thier lives by following a book to the letter.
*Potters off to practice his "Expelloramus" spell*
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Fri 7 Jan 2005, 11:52, Reply)

Wish to hear stupidity? Talk to a religious fundamentalist...
Currently on sale at the official Grand Canyon gift shop there is a book providing an interesting explanation for the formation of that mighty geological feature. Allow me to quote a testimonial for this oh-so-scientifically-rigorous work: 'For years, scientists said that it had been carved slowly by the Colorado River, over a period of milllions of years. It was considered a showcase of evidence of the tremendous erosive power of water, when combined with eons of time. Yet today most geologists acknowledge this explanation must be wrong. Within recent decades, it's becoming a monument to the power of the Creator God, and the terrible effects of the Great Flood described in Genesis 6-9. Steve Austin discusses this changing viewpoint in his beautifully illustrated and well documented book "Grand Canyon: Monument to Catastrophe", (Institute for Creation Research, Santee, CA 92071, 1994),

Presumably that's 'most geologists at the Institute for Creation Research, Santee, CA', rather than 'most geologists who actually hold a degree in Geology'

The Religious Right is controlling every branch of government for the planet's last remaining superpower, kids. Be very fucking afraid.

See also:

Creationist explanation for the existance of dinosaur fossils (remember, the Earth can't be any older than 6000 years 'cos they added up the life span of all those guys mentioned in the Bible since Adam and it came to 6000)

www.creationism.org/topbar/dinosaurs.htm

It will blow your fucking mind.
(scunnydelight, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 11:50, Reply)

These people are real
I was once (to put it bluntly) balls deep in a young lady when she anounced if she was on top and got pregnant it would be a girl, and if I was on top it would be a boy.

At first I thought she was joking, but she was serious. I ensured there was absoloutly *no* chance of either and made a sharp exit.
( nnnndave, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 11:50, Reply)

At college...
me and a friend overheard a couple of geezas talking about how one of them had have sex in a church. His justification for it was 'God wants us to have sex, so we may as well do it in his house.' However this wasn't enough, his friend then asked 'Are you Christian?' to which he replied 'No, Roman Catholic'. Honestly, youth of today....
(Deadite, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 11:47, Reply)

After the caller rings off
my answerphine says, "Thank you for calling."
Designed by a spacktard, obviously.
(Doctor Evil, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 11:45, Reply)

:|
"I wonder how my money gets from the bank where I put it into the back where I pick it up, how do they know where I'm going anyway?"

"What are atoms good for anyway?"
(GiveMeMyLiverBack, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 11:44, Reply)

Misplaced Advice
I was in the cue for the till at my local newsagents and there was a 7 or 8 year old brother and sister spending their pocket money on fizzy pop and sweets (like the good old days). The thing is this 50 year old woman was lecturing them quite strongly on how bad these drinks are for their health, e numbers, monkey pee, tooth rotting amounts of sugar, whatever, she didn't make it sound good. I thought she had a point and as their mother she had every right to voice her opinion.

Thing is she wasn't their mum...

Mid lecture, and for some reason quite worked up, she turned to the assistant and asked for 40 B&H, paid for them and then with a stroppy nicotine stained flourish shouted at poor little sods "why don't you just grow up!?". She then coughed her way out the door and along the street, leaving them standing there open mouthed but hopefully thinking "WHAT!? Grow up and become like you?" Don't let me down kids...
( Ozanners Underwater Photography: www.arewedreaming.com, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 11:42, Reply)

Whilst on a plane sat next to two Americans,
one of them turned to me and said 'We just love your English Scotland'
( Milkman Dan, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 11:41, Reply)

Horse Sense
During one of my dad's rare trips to the stable where I used to board my horse...

Me: That's an Appaloosa.
Dad: So that means it's a girl?
(ladycat, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 11:38, Reply)

My ex-girlfriend once said,
"I suppose I'll have to go to the funeral, but I won't enjoy it."

Edit - Humpty - have you seen the tsunami Faq!!!
For more bigotry try www.ianpaisley.org
(Doctor Evil, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 11:35, Reply)

hey uncle garfunkel,I'm australian!
I hope you weren't trying to insult us aussies!
anyway,when i'm tired I say really stupid shit,like:
"get the fuck off my chips you cunt"(said while my bro was stealing chips (crisps) from me.
"give me my game back!" 1)i was holding the game and 2)it was a rental
(That guy with a hat., Fri 7 Jan 2005, 11:34, Reply)

hey Mudflaps...
If you want ignorant and intollerant bible bashing.... try this.

www.godhatesfags.com

Stupidity in the most pure and undiluted form available. Kansas Bible nuts.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Fri 7 Jan 2005, 11:34, Reply)

My Roommate Freshman Year:
"We have to get Saddam after what he did to us on 9/11!"

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why the Bush administration was able to get away with war; people can't tell the difference between a scrawny Afghani with a beard and a pudgy Iraqi with a mustache.
(ladycat, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 11:34, Reply)

The sensitivity of American Airlines
A flight back from Boston some years ago on a DC10, an aeroplane with not the greatest of safety records.
What's the in flight movie? "Air America" in which Mel Gibson and Robert Downie Junior fly and crash a number of aircraft in spectacular ways.
Hello? Er, 1 in 10 passengers have a chronic phobia of flying....
(Doctor Evil, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 11:32, Reply)

Twisting the bible
Someone sent me this link the other day and it's too scary for words. It's the artwork of the ultra right wing Jack Chick who lives in fear of a "gay wave rolling into our classrooms?" and twists the Bible to justify his every right wing belief.

www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1052/1052_01.asp

Be afraid.
(mudflaps, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 11:29, Reply)

Another Trojan Horse
I was at the bus stop a few months ago, when Troy was out at the cinema. A couple at the stop were looking at a poster for Troy. He asked her, "Are you sure Helen of Troy was a woman? They're all blokes on the poster."
(Tont, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 11:28, Reply)

Hmmmmm, let me see
Mum - just too many to list. I'm sure she doesn't mean it, but sometimes she opens her mouth and stuff falls out.

Sister - Petting lamb at farm open day. "Ooooh, this feels just like wool."

Ex-Girlfriend, on the subject of Casablanca. "I'll hate it, the special effects are crap in black and white films." It was at this point I realised that I probably hadn't been listening to a word she said for the month we'd been together, having been distracted by the fact that she was traffic stoppingly cute.

The wife, looking out at heavy downpour, and specifically at my parents fishpond. "Aaah, the poor fish will get soaked." I prefer to think of this as a symptom of her deep compassion for all living things, and not that she was dropped on her head as a baby.

Look, I don't want to sound sexist, but I just don't know any stupid men. Apart from me, but that would be telling.

... and finally, celebrity ignorance. Fiona Phillips on GMTV, having interviewed a family, obviously deeply traumatised at the fact that their daughters murderer had escaped prison. "Still, this will cheer you up"

Not only is this about the most crassly insensitive thing I have ever seen, I think the next item was actually about a high school shooting.

I swear I didn't imagine this.
(Throbbe, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 11:27, Reply)

At my old school
i saw 'Pakis fuck off back to africa' written in poo on the toilet door

Shortly after the little vandal was given a sound thrasing by a black teacher
(Attention Whore, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 11:22, Reply)

Classics, every time.
"When I'm older than you..."
"I was quicker when I was faster."
"Are you growing your hair short?"
"Sorry, I meant are you having it cut long?"

There are more...oh God, so many more...
( doctordoctor I feel like a pair of curtains, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 11:21, Reply)