rachelswipe...
...if you're still with this guy, then one question springs to mind - what happened when he went back to bed that day he curled one off in there?
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 13:07, Reply)

rachelswipe
Clearly someone is going to start a 'Single Men For Rachelswipe' Club soon. :-P

And yes, this is a v.slow qotw. Too many single men as above? ;-)
(spankybumchunks, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 12:47, Reply)

Zzzz
My gawd this QoW is awful! It truly does make the week pass *that* much slower...

the tedium! Come on chthonic - Enrich our lives with another - we can't wait til tomorrow!!


hmm. Although we would all wait really. There's not going to be any kind of active boycott or anything. Treat us like dirt and we'll still come crawling back to add our 10 p worth.

After all, being british our infatuation with queues and all things queuable demonstrates this perfectly.


but please! gooo on!
(scratchy, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 12:44, Reply)

rachelswipe! why?
I don't normally keep track of b3tards' personal lives, and I really, really hate posts that begin with "if you've been reading the boards for a while, then you know my whole life story...", but how could I forget your story about sleeping with your boss who shit the bed?

And you're still with the fucktard? I don't even know you but I can assure you that you're WAAAAAY better than that. Go get a manicure, or one of them things us girls are supposed to do to make us feel self-confident and all that shit, and go pull some hot young stud who is able to confine bowel movements to the porcelain. Better yet, buy a fucking vibrator. And fire your boss! You can soooo totally do better.

Edit: I reiterate. This QoTW is making time move more slowly. In fact, it's moving in reverse.
(Mabel DelTaco, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 12:40, Reply)

writerblock
nope... sadly still tangled up with the incontinent alcoholic hose beast... if only b3ta would do a qotw on "hairy backed twats" or "most useless shags" i'd have legless and stusut79 outclicked on the "i like this" ratio by about 1,000 to 0!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 12:01, Reply)

No Sympathy
Count yourselves lucky. After various divorces in my other half's family, now have TWO mother-in-laws.

I love my life...
(jellyfish, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 11:55, Reply)

I'm too young to be exposed to this...
My, now ex, BF's Mum really was a genuinely lovely lady. Really innocent etc. She always used to ask me to do her make up (I'm a girl) and once even asked if I'd teach her how to get stoned (wtf?).

Anyhoo, her husband left her while I was still on the scene, all the family were completely distraught, especially her as it was a bit of a shock to say the least...

So while my BF's little brother was in the house she 'accidently' swallowed 4 boxes of painkillers. I come round the house to paramedics inside pumping her stomach. Nice.

Some weeks later she tries it again. Again unsuccessful.

She's then put on Prozac, which makes her go a bit mental. She wonders in to the bedroom asking why BF had changed his curtains to pink ones (they were black and still are)

So apart from that she was lovely.

No apologies foor length, cause I like it xx

EDIT: Realised that this is a bit of a weird and pointless story. Hmmm...

Cope.
( Argh. There be scallys in the ranks., Wed 14 Sep 2005, 11:49, Reply)

My MIL to be is too generous
My Girlies mum is great and hard not to like her when she has the same personality as my gf.

The only trouble is that she is too generous. We only have to mention we are looking at something , such as a tumble dryer, and before you know it out comes the which magazines and they are telling us what to buy. We just nod and say it looks good and then they go and buy it even though it was just a thought that we might get one. They book holidays and invite us and make it impossible to say no. Every place they visit they buy us bedding or bizzare QVC type products such as microwave omlette dishes or car cleaning kits. I have tried to tell my GF not to tell them when we are buying anything but even if we have ordered something they will convince her to cancel it as they know a better deal then won't let us pay. I don't want to appear ungrateful but they even let themselves into our house when we went to oz and repainted the house for us even though we never asked for it and hadnt planned it or chosen any colours.

bless em though, still seeing her dad about the new car i'm after tonight ;)
( Smashy only 35 years of work to go :), Wed 14 Sep 2005, 11:34, Reply)

nomenclature
never had an actual MIL but surely the term for long term GF's mum (or step mum) is mother-out-law (or step-mother-out-law)?

hence:
am whole trout or
helmut art, woo

and i thought rachelswipe had dumped (pardon the verb) the somnopooper?
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 11:19, Reply)

aloney aloney all on my owney
well thanks for the cheering messages. esp the dubious reminder from b3ta legend legless that i'll never be truly alone as long as i'm with the part time fool and bed soiling champion for the british nation...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 10:59, Reply)

Oldie but a Goodie
My Mother-in-law...What a guy!
(man-ding-a-ling-drill, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 10:59, Reply)

stusut79
I love thee.
(cherry B, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 10:22, Reply)

No...
I just feel vaguely annoyed, and grumble something about attention-seeking William S. Burroughs wannabes. Then I go drink my mug of beetle blood while an albino dwarf tenderizes my earlobes using the excretions of a horribly mutated orphan child that had been buried in the backyard for five full moons, and forget all about it.

Edit: Is it just me, or is this QoTW actually slowing down the week, instead of making it go faster? I pray to the b3ta gods for mercy and kindness.
(Mabel DelTaco, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 9:32, Reply)

yes...
but thats the reason I come to work everyday, to read b3ta and feel funny
( wierdo was bored @, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 9:17, Reply)

Does anyone else feel a bit sick and dirty...
...after reading one of stusut79's posts? {shudder}
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 9:03, Reply)

I dread my mother's future as M.I.L.
It means she'll be even more intolerable than she is now. Last month she came over the flat I share with my significant other, and instead of praising us for having survived thus far on our own, she immediately started hunting for something we weren't doing right. We'd cleaned up most of the place in anticipation of company, but she zeroed promptly in on the cat-litter box we hadn't emptied as though it were conclusive proof that I can't make it on my own.

Sometimes I wonder if, on some level, the woman is actually convinced that deep down inside I'm still five years old.
(Dr.Whogivesaratsarse, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 6:50, Reply)

rachelswipe,
...it is just you.
(Lister, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 0:46, Reply)

For Rachel
You've always got your boss. With him you don't need a family or kids because he'll always leave little gifts for you....

www.b3ta.com/questions/itsover/

The winner for that week...

But I admit I'm absolutely
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 0:38, Reply)

rachelswipe
Have me if you like. I'm a love-albatross.
( Tone Depear fucking rocks, Tue 13 Sep 2005, 20:29, Reply)

oh
and might i also say that to all the people complaining about mothers-in-law...

at least the fact that you have one necessarily means that you have a partner and therefore aren't going to be alone forever and ever and ever eventually dying of bitter boredom and heart-starved loneliness to be found three months later with your pallid doughy flesh wedged into the extra load bearing bed of your lonely flat because savage comfort eating over your singleton-dom has finished you off.

or is that just me?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 13 Sep 2005, 19:40, Reply)

victorian mother-in-law
in the dark victorian days of no husbands in the room to give comfort, no soothing music and no goddam drugs, my great grandmother lay exhausted after 48 hours in labour with my grandmother.

the door creaked and my great grandmother turned her head feebly as her mother-in-law entered the room to see her new grandchild.

my tiny grandmother, a new born baby, lay in her cot and waved her starfish fingers up at her audience.

"well," the mother-in-law sniffed tartly, turning to her daughter-in-law in the bed. "i think we'll soon be hearing the poor little thing is better off where it's gone."

charming! and, given that my grandma recently celebrated her 80th birthday not withstanding world war 2 and a serious alcohol addiction, also v inaccurate!!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 13 Sep 2005, 19:37, Reply)

makavel1
"She's a Scottish old trout"? WTF??? I worked in a centre for drug addicts in Whitechapel (East End of London if I'm not mistaken) and that was rough as fuck. Glasgow, like the East End, has some nice bits too, and coming from Glasgow doesn't automatically make you a homicidal maniac, although it would be satisfying to punch you in the face until you learned how to write properly.
( Normanator Bad case of trapped wind since, Tue 13 Sep 2005, 19:22, Reply)

I'm too young to be married...
but, my mum will make a great mother-in-law. Shes that fab.
(Tormentedpuffin bleughhhhh, Tue 13 Sep 2005, 19:01, Reply)

I took my mother in law's virginity
she was rubbish.


took her up the arse too.
(Christopsy, Tue 13 Sep 2005, 18:57, Reply)

speaking of anagrams....
In addition to "Hitler woman " posted below, I'm also fond of "armhole woman".

www.wordsmith.org/anagram/

for lots more.
(nordicapollo, Tue 13 Sep 2005, 18:48, Reply)

I seriously think my MIL is a virgin
My husband is adopted.

They were introduced through the church and I think they were too shy and religious to figure out where it goes, so they gave up and adopted instead.
(Peelmytangerines, Tue 13 Sep 2005, 18:44, Reply)

So my wonderful Polish mother in law is cooking us dinner
and as Im sitting there, knife and fork clutched in my hands like Fred Flintstone waiting for his steakosaurus, the MIL decides to strike up a convo in fragmented english.

Eyes looking up like she's trying to read the words off the inside of her skull, she stumbles out with "Ania is so much calm now you are fucking her, yes?"
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 13 Sep 2005, 17:38, Reply)

My mum
Mr Pie thinks my mum (ie his MiL if we ever get married) is a bit naive. He thinks she grew up in some kind of bubble, such is her lack of awareness of current trends, things north of the Watford gap, etc.

Her best one was when she asked me what a wanker was. I was slightly taken aback, but did my best to explain. She seemed satisfied with the literal explanation, but then furrowed her brow and said, "But...how do you know?"
(Pachey, Tue 13 Sep 2005, 17:30, Reply)

My Mother-in-Law
has a 14 inch monster of a cock.

It has more veins than Arnie's neck.
(Fonkadelix is fucking bored, pass the crack pipe Mavis., Tue 13 Sep 2005, 17:18, Reply)