Bollocks
I got booked in for a hernia operation three years ago. Note: if you want to avoid busting a gut (literally), do not try to hump large, ugly old Dell servers on your own.

So it was BUPA, none of this NHS nonsense. I noted that on the afternoon of the operation, there was a film on TV by my favourite director, which I'd never seen before, and I looked forward to the possibility of watching this film in bed afterwards.

Operation was done, brilliant key hole surgery. Woke up in a nice, warm bed, was offered coffee and got to watch my film on the telly. The thing was, I was so off my face on painkillers I don't remember a thing about it.

Things went downhill slightly after I was discharged. My bollocks turned black, so I had to ring them up and explain to the secretary about the bollock discolouration thing, and she said to come round at noon. The surgeon popped round during his NHS lunch hour and confirmed it was normal and due to bruising.
I went back home, but couldn't shit, piss or fart for about four days.
(Bob the Builder killed Captain Alex, Thu 11 Mar 2010, 22:46, Reply)