Balls
After the birth of our second, my wife decided that i should have the snip. Her best friends husband was in a simlar situation, and thought it would be funny to book the next appointment after me.

I go in at the local surgery; and yes, it hurts like fucking a packet of razoerblades, but its over in 20 mins and despite walking out like a cowboy, I'm back to normal in about 2 days.

Andy is not so lucky. 4 days later and his balls are the size of avocado's, and black as night. A week after the operation, we meet for our weekly lads night out. "I'm wearing two jock straps. Each one has one of my balls in" is what we are greeted with. Now they are the size of a mini football and for the next hour, while sitting on his rubber ring, he talks about his balls, how he is having them drained of blood for the last 3 days.

Long story short, 2 months after the original operation he is back at work, and about a fortnight after that, a meeting takes place where he is offered 14k to "keep quiet" as the trainee Dr that observed my procedure should not have been allowed to even take part in his, let alone try and do the whole thing.

He now has one teste, the lowest sex drive of any man I have ever met and a Lotus Exige.

Win some, lose some...

PS - I love the NHS - I walked in with bad stomach pains and withing 40 minutes I was having my appendix out that was about an hour form bursting. Just shows that you should ALWAYS take the earliest appointment available!
(gjb006, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 0:41, 8 replies)

See, as an NHS employee AND snippee, this just doesn't ring true to me...
Firstly, the NHS doesn't tend to offer you "money to keep quiet", they pay you compensation...

Secondly, if it hurt like fucking a bag of razors, then they didn't use enough anaesthetic...

Thirdly, why would he lose a ball?

Fourthly, even if he did it would be unlikely to affect his sex drive that much...

Fifthly, even if for some reason he really did lose a ball and it affected his life to that extent, he'd be due a shitload more than 14 grand...

And finally, where did he get an Exige for 14 grand?
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 8:37, closed)

all good points

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 9:06, closed)

'lo Vipros :)
Having said all that, "I'm wearing 2 jock straps and I've got a bollock in each one" did make me do a little real-life lol :)
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 9:11, closed)

how do
I liked the fucking a packet of razorblades comment myself.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 10:55, closed)

indeed
probably it was:
1. backstreet surgery
2. hurt that way cause that was the procedure used
3. see 2
4. gay
5. possibly

6. 50th hand off that back of a truck (or something)
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 10:26, closed)

Haha :)

(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 11:25, closed)

The singular of testes
is testis.

Just for information.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 11:01, closed)

How Big
are an avocado's balls?
(karnuvap, Wed 17 Mar 2010, 13:53, closed)