My first experience of pornSo there I am, aged 11, crawling through the woods with the Scouts when we come upon a big pile of magazines stuck into a tree. Risking losing the game by being seen, we stand up to knock them down.
They flutter down in a big heap - and behold, they are full of nudey ladies!
Crawling through the woods suddenly lost its appeal...
What was your first experience of porn?
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chthonic, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 15:29)
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I defiled a national institution...My first proper congruence with the pr0nz was when I purchased a black and white (softcore) rhythm mag off Kevin W at school. As a previous poster noted, every school has its porn king and at that time and in my school, he was it.
The title of this masterpiece was "Voodoo Woman". The premise behind the plot was that the leading lady, who was black, was frothing like bottled bass over some bloke who wasn't remotely interested. The bloke in question looked a bit nordic, with one of those awful fuzzy beards like those worn by most of the men in early editions of "The Joy Of Sex". Very offputting, but I digress... Aha, though! The leading lady had an ace up her wizard's sleeve! Or was it that she had a wizard's sleeve up her ace-hole? I forget... Anyway, she called upon the power of voodoo and peformed a lavishly illustrated ceremony wherein powerful spirits were invoked: Djedje Bakon, Bo Lisa, Sholo Maza to name but a few.Mainly though, it was just a lot of nuddy prancing around. Of course, the powerful mojo did its work and she finally got her man.
Can't really have been worth all the effort though, as he seemed to have some kind of 1/2 inch deep forcefield installed on his genitals, so she couldn't actually touch them. In every shot she was straining to plant her tongue on the end of his cock, but she never quite reach it. Frustrating!
In any case, it was good enough for me at that tender age and I used it in traditional fashion by having "a quick look" (ie. fwapping away furiously). Of course, our first loves are eventually cast aside, though never forgotten and Voodoo Woman was filed away for good.
Until the day, some years later, when my mum was sorting through some unwanted annuals to see if there was anything we could take to my cousin who was having a lengthy stay in hospital. She picked up a "Blue Peter 19??" annual by the spine and out plops Voodoo Woman, which had been secreted inbetween the centre pages.
Her comment was: "I don't think Alex would understand *this*..."
It just goes to show. Don't be messing with the spirits. Their power is immense and their patience is measured in aeons. If you cross them or disrespect them, their vengance, however long it is delayed, will be mighty.
(, Sat 27 Jan 2007, 5:17, Reply)
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