Stiletto Bonobo
Yes, my kids have been in nativity plays, but as this contains no lulz, i simply must relate to you the story of the male p.a in my work.

Lets call him Monkey Boy......

The guy looks like the evil baby Gerald out of The Simpson. Think, mono-browed simian. He has a disconcerting habit of walking on his tip-toes, at all times.
I have spied the heels of his shoes and they look completely brand new. Twinkletoes, is another moniker.

One night while having a conversation with my wife, she mentioned the fact that a woman in her work who has worn high heels all her life and now has difficulty
walking in flat shoes as her ligaments have distorted over time.

Quick as a flash i surmised that this is what Monkey Boy suffers from. We started a scenario whereby he got home every night and slipped himself into a pair of stiletto's
and proceeded to mince about wearing them. Funny, if you could see this walking foetus.

Fast forward many months, and the janitor guy at work is fixing something that is a foot or two out of reach above him. Along comes twinkletoes and the janitor asks
him if he could help. Monkey boy, without missing a beat, and without any prompting, says...

"i would have to have my heels on the reach that....hahaha"

Cue me snapping in two with concealed laughter. It was the way he said it, so off handed. Confident in the extra height that his 'heels' bestow upon him. This was the
final confirmation, if i needed any...

I didn't know that Mengele was alive and well, and still conducting his award winning embryo experiments. But he must be, as Monkey Boy somehow got his girlfriend pregnant.
Now, most people bring their new babies in some weeks or months after they are born. Not monkey boy, he had brought his baby chimp in a day or two after it had been spat
into the world.

If you have ever seen the Johnny Morris program where the female gorilla is passing the baby to him in an act of cross-genetic trust, well, this is what Monkey Boy
was like with his mewling bundle of stubble and shit. He was grinning like a wanking chimp as he passed the cross-species experiment to all and sundry...i swear i heard him grunt a few times.

Now, as part of his many undisclosed duties, he also fetches and grovels for the CEO.

Every morning, the CEO arrives and sits at his desk. Moments later Monkey Boy appears with toast, or a filled roll and coffee.

The look of pure pleasure on his face as he performs this menial task is unashamed. He is oblivious to the scathing commentary of the plebs all around him.

If he had a tail, he would be wagging it, furiously.


To sum up, the guy is a mutation. A gorilla with high heels. A stone in the eye of evolution. A warning to us all.



I just wonder how many bananas a year he gets paid...
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 27 Mar 2009, 10:01, 3 replies)

Now that's a great read
cheers, mate
( SpankyHanky, Fri 27 Mar 2009, 10:04, closed)

*creases up*
I, too, am now 'grinning like a wanking chimp'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Mar 2009, 10:04, closed)

As a wanking chimp
I resent this stereotyping.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 27 Mar 2009, 10:16, closed)