My opinion...for what it's worth...
I think you've got a good story here but - particularly as you said you're being ignored by agents and the publishing industry in general - I think you need to go back and edit this really intensely - at least a third to a half of the words could easily go. I also think that the story may benefit from less explanation - as you've said there are other similar stories out there - so leave some of the explanation out and let the reader fill in the blanks.

Maybe the story would benefit from you deciding what it is that you want the reader to take away from it...a love story? A ghost story? Do you want them to be chilled, uplifted, puzzled?

All that said, I think you've got a great writing style which is easy and gentle to read, so don't lose that!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 23:53, Reply)