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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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New thread required more urgently than a dirty protest in Nando's
This whole missing plane malarkey. I know it's a bit bigger than your keys, but stuff just goes missing all the time doesn't it? I still can't find a pair of trousers that went missing in 2005. We haven't moved house so they must be there, but they're just not. Explain that.

What have you lost that's infuriated and confounded you? Apart from your interest in my Mum?

Alt: Unapologetic sport thread, who's going to win the Premier League/qualify for Europe/get relegated/laugh loudest at Manchester United.

AltAlt: This Jonathan Trott business in case the Rev is about
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:28, 146 replies, latest was 10 years ago)
I've lost a TV remote control
which is fucking annoying. Mrs Cow has a really annoying habit of "tidying" things up. This actually means stuffing things into drawers, cupboards, etc. with no thought as to finding them again

Alt:
1st Chelsea
2nd Liverpool
3rd Citeh
4th Arse

Relegated:
Fulham, Cardiff, Sunderland or Norwich
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:31, Reply)
Yeah women do that
The advantage of being under the thumb is it makes stuff easier to find when one does all the housework.

Fancying City to bottle it then?

I'm throwing Swansea into the mix for third relegation place (Fulham and Cardiff are gone), but that might just be optimism on my part.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:35, Reply)
I do, yes
If we can give them a scare then I think someone else will do them before the end of the season. Swansea might have too many points but they were certainly looking didgy until the last few
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:36, Reply)
The only thing I can see keeping Swansea out of trouble is Wilfried Bony
If he gets shot to death with a gun tomorrow they are FUCKED. Garry Monk knows fuck all about management except "kick 'em harder lads" which is conveniently all he knew about playing football. I would love to see him fail spectacularly.

I really don't like Swansea.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:40, Reply)
Any reason?

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:43, Reply)
The sheep fight back

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:45, Reply)
The new Star Wars really shouldn't have been filmed at the Dr Who studios

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:50, Reply)
Deep-seated belief that they paid off the ref in our play-off semi-final with them a few years back
Three staggeringly obvious penalties (two by Garry Monk) and two obvious sendings-off (one by Garry Monk) over two games. It's either bribery, or bad refereeing, and that never happens.

Also the way the pundits cooed over them in their first season in the Prem when Norwich were clearly the better promoted team.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:46, Reply)
Michu innit?

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:49, Reply)
Innit
How badly have they missed him this season? If he was fit Laudrup would still be in a job
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:51, Reply)
Yep
Him and Bony would be lethal
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:52, Reply)
I am well pleased with our result against them
Finally a win. Just need 3-4 more before the end of the season.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:10, Reply)
See also
Garry Monk Tim Sherwood
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:44, Reply)
Sherwood is aging at the rate of 1 year per game

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:48, Reply)
I feel bad for him, really
Badly out of his depth, no PR training to deal with the press, he's going to explode soon.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:50, Reply)
He always had shit hair. I dislike him for that alone
/glasshouse
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:53, Reply)
you made sporty delete his thread
he's such a gentleman

i have lost interest in this stupid hen do. first it cost £350. now we've been told the dates have been changed from fri - mon, when we'd booked a day off work and a hire car to go thu - sun. plus we have to bring stupid fancy dress and a "secret item with memories of the bride". wtf. she has done nothing but moan about the groom not proposing for the last 6 years, how can i sum that up? for 50pence?

alt: fuck off

altalt: who?
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:32, Reply)
I am that, yes
It'll wait until later
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:32, Reply)
Sorry old boy

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:37, Reply)
No problem sir

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:37, Reply)
You're the best one here.

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:38, Reply)
I really am

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:39, Reply)
Bloody right.

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:42, Reply)

It'll wait until later I always give a reacharound
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:12, Reply)
Give her a voucher for your services.
Looks like it won't be long till she needs a brief.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:35, Reply)
Why will she need conveyancing doing?

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:36, Reply)
Employing poetic licence Tingles.
Had I kept literal it wouldn't have worked, unless there was an issue with her drains or sutin.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:41, Reply)
i have helped her with dodgy tenants in the past ACTUALLY

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:51, Reply)
Hen dos are shit and no one likes going on them, as far as I can tell

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:35, Reply)
Take one of those dolls that go "waaaaaaah" when you squeeze their tummy.

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:40, Reply)
Take her to Nando's
Do a dirty protest in the shape of a tiara

Boom
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:41, Reply)
cunt punch

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:53, Reply)
Your girlfriend didn't like those trousers and threw them out when you weren't looking.
Hth.

Alt: All sport is bent. /ac

Altalt: Dunno what that means, soz.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:35, Reply)
That's actually very feasible
Except that would mean she likes all my existing trousers, which is definitely bollocks
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:38, Reply)
Every usb stick I've ever bought.
Could be Liverpool even though I hate them.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:39, Reply)
Just because you hate scousers, doesn't mean they are nicking your usb sticks

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:40, Reply)
I only hate half of scousers.
/Toffeeman blog
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:43, Reply)


(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:53, Reply)
Don't be so pessimistic mate
I'm sure you'll beat them before 2149
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:55, Reply)
nice

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:01, Reply)

Bastard
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:12, Reply)
\o/

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:13, Reply)
I still hold a bit of a grudge against you lot for that season
We'd only lost 2 the season before, and came second. Then, the beach ball happened, at everything went to shit.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:14, Reply)
I'm sure we'll be buttfucked by you lot on the 26th

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:16, Reply)
Hopefully
Payday pints galore.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:22, Reply)
it was a scally that lobbed the ball onto the pitch though

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:38, Reply)
Aye, I know
Easier to blame Sunderland though
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:41, Reply)
I do the same with
"The ghost goal"
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:44, Reply)
I've lost my work jumper :(
It can only be in two places and it's in neither. Fucking jumper goblins running off with my shit.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:41, Reply)
I'm using it as a wank rag

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:53, Reply)
What the? Out of order!
Nick one of Battered's, they're all Algerian cashmere, or Peruvian llama-wool or something.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:58, Reply)
They're not going to mop a lot up though, are they?

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:02, Reply)
My virginit ... oh wait ...

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:43, Reply)
Too soon.

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:44, Reply)
Well, er ... 'played'.

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:04, Reply)
My ability to give a fuck
Had a big falling out with a friend two months ago, not even slightly interested in reconciling. She fucked up, yet is trying to tell people that I need to apologise. Thankfully, most know that she's overreacting, I just don't give a shit.

Alt: United under Moyes remind me of Liverpool under Hodgson. At least they don't have H&G backing them, then they'd start to learn how much worse it can be in football.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:43, Reply)
Alright chompy, be careful this could drag on over the next three years

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:46, Reply)
Does she make a habit of doing that?
I'm willing to bet money on a positive response, here.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:50, Reply)
Aye, we've argued before
I've tended to let bygones be bygones, as it's easier, but this time she was kicking off at my GF for no good reason, it's because she dislikes her.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:51, Reply)
If she's that sort of person, no wonder you're not bothered.
Stay rid, I would. It gets tiring constantly being the one expected to make all the conciliatory moves. My ex-girlfriend was like that and I'm a much happier person for not having to put up with it any longer.

If all the apologies are one way, that's a person not worth knowing imo.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:56, Reply)
It's bizarre, she has two personalities
One of them is the reason we're fantastic friends, been close for years, etc

The other one is a bitchy, argumentative side that has come out far more often since I got a girlfriend. Before I got with her, the two of them got on just fine. Now, I can't even have them in the same room.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:01, Reply)
She obviously wants some hot AA helmet action

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:02, Reply)
Yet, she has always claimed she doesn't, it's fucking bizarre.

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:07, Reply)
Just do her up the wrong 'un and you can all be friends

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:07, Reply)
Would rather not, bit too much drama

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:08, Reply)
In the mouth then?
At least she'd stop whinging.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:15, Reply)
She wants him to shove his massive debt up her pick 'a' mix

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:07, Reply)
Without wanting to be indelicate
have you ever thrown it up her?
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:03, Reply)
Shut up, you love being indelicate.

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:05, Reply)
Nope, never. Did shag her best mate on the floor whilst she was in bed, mind.

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:06, Reply)
pure class^

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:10, Reply)
Pissed up after a night out, take it you're the pure gentleman at that time?

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:11, Reply)
he has a kid and a 9 month duffage scenario
half a pint and he's asleep dreaming of past glory days when he could actually have a night out/sleep with his sister
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:12, Reply)
ask your mum

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:14, Reply)

Shall do
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:15, Reply)
bit old skoll, get her to give youa call on the phone at 5am instead

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:16, Reply)
Are you drunk or something?

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:17, Reply)
no no no
the dead mum can't make the call. she's DEAD. someone else has to do it for her.

BUT WHO? WHOOOOOOOO?
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:25, Reply)
Jeremy Beadle

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:29, Reply)
the one person who couldn't have done it
what, with his flid hand, and all. how do you expect him to dial??
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:36, Reply)
No Mr Beadle, I expect you to dial

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:40, Reply)
Only reason I can think of for her to be unpleasant to your GF is she envies her mate
Well, the obvious alternative is that she actually dislikes her, but I've met your better half and find that spectacularly hard to believe
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:21, Reply)
No idea, but I'm sick of it tbh

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:21, Reply)
Tell her to get over it or lose a mate, I guess.
Sounds pretty insecure to me, causing trouble and then demanding you come chasing after her.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:22, Reply)
Thing is, I don't want her to get over it
I want an apology and an assurance that this bullshit won't happen again. If nothing else, at least the assurance.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:28, Reply)
In my experience
people who won't apologise will never apologise. They'd rather lose the relationship. People are stupid, what can you do?
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:42, Reply)
surprise twist: she fancies your gf

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:08, Reply)
as long as he can watch then no drama.

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:28, Reply)
Bella always was a bitch#

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:08, Reply)
Football isn't sport it's a pantomime of plebs, posturing and posing like pricks

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:50, Reply)

Football b3ta

sport a valid use of your time
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:50, Reply)
What else are you going to do? Work?

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:51, Reply)
well Darth isn't, he's one of the long term sick with one of those cunning illnesses no one can see or prove he has

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:52, Reply)
I'm as cunning as a quadraspazzed fox

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:56, Reply)
+on a lifeglug

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:01, Reply)
all of the keys
alt: Phil "The Power" Taylor

altalt: he's an idiot
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:51, Reply)
I lose 'phone chargers - and laptop chargers. Fucked if I know why, they should be in a wall socket all the time.
Alt: Football is a girl's game.
Altalt: Who the holy candy-striped fuck is Jonathan Trott?
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:55, Reply)
if you type "missing plane" into google
the first suggested auto complete is "missing plane found on the moon"

why are people so stupid?
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:03, Reply)
It was a famous Sunday Sport headline

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:06, Reply)
yeah but people are now searching for it, idiots
the most frightening thing i've seen was the suggestion that it's been parked somewhere to be loaded up and sent off as a flying nuclear bomb. wish i hadn't read that.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:08, Reply)
sunday perv^

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:08, Reply)
My building society savings book
Started looking for it last week after I realised it wasn't in my bag. I've checked online and there haven't been any mysterious transfers to my cleaner's account so I'm probably just going to transfer it all over to my bank and into a decent savings account there. Shit interest where it is anyway.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:08, Reply)
Sorry DF, late to the party here.
AltAlt: He's a fucking prick. Bailing out in the middle of the toughest tour in a few years, citing mental problems when in fact he was just being a fucking blouse.

That's the thing about cricket, some weeks you're playing against folk who can't lace up their own boots, and the next you're playing Mitchell Johnson with a flea in his ear.

When you're an internationalist you can't pick and choose who you play against. You've got to just man the fuck up and give it your best.

He has flaws in his game - he needs to get into the nets and work on them, not get in a taxi heading for the fucking airport.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:21, Reply)
I rarely lose physical things
But I am losing any work motivation, I think I might need to change jobs.

Alt: City will take the league, Chelsea 2nd, arse then Liverpool
think sunderland will just get out of bottom 3 with WBA to go down

altalt fucking lightweight,
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:24, Reply)
\o/
All winnable home games - all loseable away games
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:26, Reply)
+ 2 games in hand

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:27, Reply)
are worth 1 in the bush?

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:28, Reply)
this is why you are at the bottom, all games are winnable

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:28, Reply)
You just lost the game

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:30, Reply)
Looking forward to 3 points off you at the end of the season
we'll need them.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:51, Reply)
I need a new ISA, ideally instant access, and with transfer in. I don't want to be tied in to a fixed term.
What should I go for? And why can't I get a decent interest rate? Fucking shit banks. Bunch of cunts.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:32, Reply)
Instant access ISAs will always have shit rates
Get a 90 day one at least
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:34, Reply)
withdraw the whole lot in £50 notes
stuff it under your mattress
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:35, Reply)
Interest rates are shit at the moment due to BoE
And as sporters says instant access ones are always worse. If you need to be able to get to the cash quickly you might be better off with a saver account from the bank, still low interest but you don't have the restrictions
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:37, Reply)
I don't want to hear this. I just want money from the banks in return for lettting them have my money
and I want it tax free. Now sort something out.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:38, Reply)
OK
You can have the BD29 special ISA, 5.8% interest. Access your cash at any time no fixed term... Minimum deposit of 10k no questions. Send cash
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:41, Reply)
Wicked. pm me your address and we'll get started.

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:42, Reply)
Will do
I don't provide receipts though hope that's ok
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:44, Reply)
Don't forget to delete this thread once you've got the money

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:51, Reply)
Ssshhhhhhhhhhhh

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:58, Reply)
is he paying your mortgage in return for bumholey picture fun?
because it sounds like he is paying your mortgage in return for bumholey picture fun
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 12:04, Reply)
cash or stocks & shares?
Don't bother with a cash ISA unless you 100% need instant access.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:39, Reply)
Have you got an alert set up for this sort of post or summat?

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:40, Reply)
yer

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:41, Reply)
I don't know, but I like the way he's seen my question and then provided a response which has nothing to do with what I wanted.

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:41, Reply)
That'll be £200 please.
/Dozer
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:43, Reply)
there are 'best buy' tables online for this sort of thing.

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:44, Reply)
moneysavingexpert.com go to ISAs
look for best buys, phone the top one, enjoy your 1.7% interest.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:52, Reply)
I don't like this. Make it better for me please.

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:56, Reply)
There's this Nigerian business who's been emailing me.
He says that he's got pretty tidy nest egg hidden away that he can't access due to his being persecuted. Now, he knows where to go to grease wheels via some correctly placed bribes. Unfortunately, he doesn't have any ready cash on him. Now, if we loan him some readies, he'll cut us in on the nest egg.

Sound good?
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:59, Reply)
Can you do first please

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 12:05, Reply)

n alert set up for this sort of post hamster up your arse
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 12:03, Reply)
I have to drive past Swiss Cottage tomorrow.
It's a shame that the names suggests it's a lovely location, but the reality is a shit road juntion.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:34, Reply)
Is that where the Swiss Family Robinson lives?

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:41, Reply)
Yeah, okay. If you like.

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:42, Reply)
It is named for the most common fungal infection in the area

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:42, Reply)
How do you catch contrapuntal music, exactly?

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:46, Reply)
Right in the ear

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:46, Reply)
I aint done nuffink ok

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:48, Reply)
ninja....

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:49, Reply)
There used to be a thai restaurant over the road from the pub (run by a Sunderland fan, fact fans)
It served me the hottest chicken and coconut soup I've ever had
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:45, Reply)
I'm struggling to work out what relevance this has to anything here
But CSB, anyway
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:46, Reply)
Hangar Lane sounds like it ought to be a small road near a country aerodrome
when in reality it's a vicious anal raping in road form.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:53, Reply)
you'd be in for a real disappointment if you went to the elephant and castle

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 12:05, Reply)
Speaking of Tim Sherwood:
https://twitter.com/bankruptspurs/status/444626205874991104
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 12:29, Reply)
ooooooo

(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 12:30, Reply)

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