The female athletes don't have much titwork do they? I think more arse shots should be included. And less fucking bagpipes.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:22, 124 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

Have you been drinking or is this the real you coming out?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:24, Reply)

I'm trying to be deliberately provocative WP.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:26, Reply)

It's difficult to tell as almost that exact statement was made im earnest by a man in this pub.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:30, Reply)

I bet they've all got fannies like a Howler Monkey's angry face an' all.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:31, Reply)

It's excruciating honestly.
The guy I'm working with is a straight up Midlands racist tough guy, lad bantz, mma, punch up for the fun of it (but not really), Friday night on the lash, Britain first, ukip are alright, teenage pregnancy daughter boring human.

I've worked harder than I have for ages this week in the hope the job is finished tomorrow and I can go back to the nice middle class south east
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:36, Reply)

Broken Britain.
I bet if he traced his family tree he'd find out he was descended from people not from these shores.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:37, Reply)

And by 'not these shores' I mean Nottingham.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:40, Reply)

He apparently has a large Irish family,

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:42, Reply)

Fucking potato wog.
Coming over here, stealing our tarmac.

He's not related to Rory is he?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:43, Reply)

Because if he was...
That would be...








Wait for it...







Drumroll...






A real STROKE of bad luck!!!!!!!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:49, Reply)

Not nice, it wasn't good apparently.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:50, Reply)

I would say sorry,
but the guy has made his "thing" about taking the piss and being generally vitriolic about most people on here and not in a lol banter type of way. I would have some shred of sympathy if he hadn't targeted some personal friends of mine, myself and my wife (via gaz), but I'm not going to shred any crocodile tears about it just because he was a reasonably prolific contributor to a silly web based forum. He's shown no sympathy or empathy to anyone on here in the past and while I hope he does make a recovery, his bile won't be missed.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:55, Reply)

Pretty well said. I get the impression he was a bit lonely, of course I could be totally wrong.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:59, Reply)

On that note, I'm going to have some dinner.
This is possibly the most direct post I've ever made on here so i need to go away and choke on my words for a bit.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:00, Reply)

I like the cunt, just saying

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:01, Reply)

^ not a poof.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:03, Reply)

^ Correct

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:05, Reply)

OMG I'm being thick ere ent I

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:06, Reply)

^^not gay, oh no.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:08, Reply)

He'd be glad we were poking fun at his misfortune. It was his favourite.
I do miss the fella. Godspeed Rory.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:53, Reply)

He was a bit of a nasty cunt here, dunno what he was like in reality.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:54, Reply)

Nasty was his thing. Top bloke I reckon.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:56, Reply)

According to Monty, a nice chap.
Which I don't get; why be completely bilious on here of that's not what you're like IRL?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:57, Reply)

Everyone has their reasons for things.
I thought he was alright.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:01, Reply)

I didn't.
He was a prick. His 'I'm better than you and you're shit because you don't have a successful career fleecing gullible tenants out of money but hey it's all lol and by the way your mum's dead and did I mention I'm winning at life' shtick was tiresome.

You'll find sympathy in the dictionary, somewhere between shit and syphilis,
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 23:30, Reply)

Is that what happened?
He was an utter internet goon but I wish him well.

The stupid cunt.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:59, Reply)

Pretty bad stroke apparently, yes.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:04, Reply)

That 3 year old grassed him up to Yewtree proper good though

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:07, Reply)

:(

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:50, Reply)

It's OK, I have family from Nottingham.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:51, Reply)

That's even worse you know the truth

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:51, Reply)

:(

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:51, Reply)

Little John?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:53, Reply)

Meh, Nottingham.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:52, Reply)

I did some work for Notts County council.
Eye opener
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:53, Reply)

Never even rang me for a pint nor nuffink

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:00, Reply)

Probably practising for his upcoming pub career.
Is this a real thing, or just a meme that I've missed?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:26, Reply)

We're taking a pub on in a few weeks.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:29, Reply)

Who's gonna win?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:29, Reply)

ghostbusters

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:32, Reply)

Crippling debt and lacklustre earnings.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:59, Reply)

I really don't miss how racist drunk old men are.
Or sexist.
Or politically ignorant.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:31, Reply)

I saw a racist old drunk in a pub in Newcastle many years ago.
Every time he said the 'N' word he spat on the carpet.

We left.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:33, Reply)

Apub in Newcastle with a carpet? Must have been a Yates.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:34, Reply)

It was called the Farmer's Rest, and was in the bus station.
It's now an M&S.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:35, Reply)

Bus pub, classy!

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:37, Reply)

It was actually a good pub with a really good jukebox.
Its proximity to the bus station, unfortunately, attracted the odd lost soul. Bus drivers, I think they're called.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:38, Reply)

One can meet some charmers.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:33, Reply)

One of my locals is in a town that has two mental hospitals.
Early afternoons can be ... interesting.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:34, Reply)

Not that I drink much early afternoons, mind.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:34, Reply)

^^shaky hand gesture

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:35, Reply)

Pre med and feeding time?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:35, Reply)

I dunno, I'm not a Doctor, I just work in one of said institutions.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:36, Reply)

Honestly doc,
I hope your regulars aren't anything like mine were.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:37, Reply)

I've been drinking here about ten years, good crowd really. I think I'll have to stand back a bit professionally when I'm that side of the bar mind.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:42, Reply)

Where are you going to drink instead?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:42, Reply)

graveyard

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:43, Reply)

Local bus shelter innit?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:44, Reply)

I'll be knocking it right down for the first months, I'll still have a beer here, just later on, what I meant was, I've had loads of jokey comments about bar tabs, freebies, stoppy backs, and I just won't be doing that.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:48, Reply)

Good luck mate.
I struggled to maintain any friends that were not part of the trade for the best part of 10 years. Your life will change. Find a refuge. Don't stop drinking.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:55, Reply)

I know the amount of hours I'll be putting in, so I'll leave the ale till later on.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:03, Reply)

If i can give you one great tip.
If you want the staff on side, when you line clean the lagers each week, do it after shift, and do it the long way, and invite staff to stick around and drink the couple of pints off each line you get as wastage. I've done it at every pub, and after a few weeks, it really helps build a team atmosphere, place for you to get to know them off the clock, giving them free beer discourages stealing as they know you're lettong them reap the benefits rather than pouring it away, and also, they will often air problems, or requests or sometimes great ideas in that relaxed environment that they wouldn't normally put forward. But make sure you invite kitchen staff as well, even if they never turn up just offering makes them feel included. Do not allow regulars to stay, kills the staff only vibes, but do allow staff to occasionally invite a friend. Easiest way to be good boss ever,
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:16, Reply)

Good one, thank you.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:22, Reply)

As a punter here, I've noticed the staffhelping themselves to bar snacks, I don't know ifthis is allowed or not.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:32, Reply)

Of course it's not.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:46, Reply)

I thought not, just wondering how to bring it up.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:47, Reply)

Take over. Hold meeting. Set rules.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:52, Reply)

Yeah, I think the present owners aren't arsed anymore, they've made their packet and are buggering ofg. One guy I've noticed is a bloody hoover, he's forever munching, never pays, I thought it may be a staff perk.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:59, Reply)

Read below.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 22:03, Reply)

Bring it up by mentioning that you're aware snacks were previously free,
And say that it's no longer the case, at least until you're settled and sort out affordable staff allowances. Make sure you set Down some allowances in their favour mind. Draught coke costs peanuts, might be worth letting them have that
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:57, Reply)

I don't think they really are free tbh, I think they just help themselves.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 22:14, Reply)

Yes, I know that , you know that, but this way they can pretend they weren't stealing, and they know you spot things.
It saves face for them and gives you the upper hand.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 22:15, Reply)

Good idea, good man.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 22:16, Reply)

No problem man.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 22:20, Reply)

Just be casual about it, suggest if it's easier for them, you can deduct the cost of the snacks from pay
Then you can charge them retail rather than wholesale.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 22:12, Reply)

Never threaten staff over pay. Ever. They take it wrong and resent you.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 22:16, Reply)

Just sack them.
On the spot.

Maybe the Doc should watch movie class 'Roadhouse' before starting.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 22:47, Reply)

People will absolutely take the piss unless you set the ground rules early

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:02, Reply)

I've gathered that mate, yeah, I'll not be taking any bollocks. You've worked in boozers, any wise words of advice

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:06, Reply)

What, dead in the toilet?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:44, Reply)

I ONLY KILLED 1

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:56, Reply)

That we know of.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:37, Reply)

Can you imagine if they did, though?
Mash up sports - 100m sprint combined with a rhythmic boxing match.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:26, Reply)

Christ the guardian is tripe.
I found a pub with ok beer and wifi, decided to have a look at the news. Guardian app came pre-instslled on this tablet, and I'm lazy and after 3 articles I don't think I'll ever read it again.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:29, Reply)

It's no Daily Sport, that's fo' sho.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 20:30, Reply)

this gymnast is pretty fit

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:22, Reply)

The slightly chubby one?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:23, Reply)

dunno, brunette bint

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:26, Reply)

I've been watching this 'lost and sold' on quest.
And thought they were being unusually undickish to one and other for one of these auction shows. Then realised they were all saying 'aboot' and stuff.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:33, Reply)

fucking Canadian wankerpricks

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:35, Reply)

have you had a cup of beer or sutin?

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:36, Reply)

no

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:37, Reply)

He aspires to be the new Rory.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:41, Reply)

ahh Icarus, fly not so closely to the sun...

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:45, Reply)

Needs more cerebral damage.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:47, Reply)

With a shovel?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:50, Reply)

If you like.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:51, Reply)

U r a bentlord

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:47, Reply)

Harsh.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:52, Reply)

I might go for a smoke.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 21:56, Reply)

Alright Jeff?

( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 23:40, Reply)

Bonjour!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 23:46, Reply)

I like kittens.

( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 23:40, Reply)

I like some things as well.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 23:46, Reply)

How about beer at the end of August?
Mmmmm, beer... foamy and comforting :)
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 23:49, Reply)

End of August could be poss
North or South?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 23:51, Reply)

Erm, near Kings Cross?
Have oyster card, can travel :)
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 23:52, Reply)

Gaz me the dates you're considering and I'll check with my diary and see what she says!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 23:53, Reply)

Done!

( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 23:59, Reply)

Thank you!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 31 Jul 2014, 0:07, Reply)

\o/
Yay woo and all that other stuff.
(berk, Thu 31 Jul 2014, 0:01, Reply)

BEWBIEZ
\o/
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 31 Jul 2014, 0:10, Reply)

Has we messaged you on The Other Internet pet?

( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 31 Jul 2014, 0:11, Reply)

Yep
It's in the diary and everything.
(berk, Thu 31 Jul 2014, 0:12, Reply)

Is this some sort of special occasion?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 31 Jul 2014, 0:13, Reply)

Only in the *special* sense that my medication ccurrently allows me to venture so far from home ;)

( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 31 Jul 2014, 0:24, Reply)

That's wonderful news.
(Not that I knew you were on meds, but all the same, great news!)
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 31 Jul 2014, 0:26, Reply)

Aw bless you :)
*smooshes*
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 31 Jul 2014, 1:12, Reply)

Hold up there
are you telling me that Rory has had a MAAAAARRRRRRRRR IRL?

He's actually genuinelly a dribbling cripple?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 23:52, Reply)

Apparently the world don't move to the beat of just one drum.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 23:54, Reply)

I imagine it probably moves in circles for him now as only one of his legs works.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 31 Jul 2014, 0:00, Reply)

If
Paralysed down one side, we could club together and get him a head-dobber.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 31 Jul 2014, 0:07, Reply)

Still winning at life, though.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 1 Aug 2014, 20:16, Reply)