Okay, I'm feeling a bit recovedred now, tell me tales of your most embarrassing sex encounters
Alternative Q1: Best nightclub in London
Alternative Q2: Why are you so awesome?
( Ms Shenanigans put something interesting here later, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:37, 106 replies, latest was 9 years ago)

All my sex encounters have been awesome
AQ1: Urban Bar Whitechapel. Mind you I've only been in there at lunchtime because they do excellent burgers. But they're open until 2am so it counts.
AQ2: Haven't you heard? I have a girlfriend now. If that doesn't make me awesome I don't know what will.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:42, Reply)

Dunno to all.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:43, Reply)

Make a bit of an effort at least Meaty you fucking flake

( Ms Shenanigans put something interesting here later, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:44, Reply)

he hears this a lot

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:45, Reply)

You've just answered the original question for him.

( Muns, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:47, Reply)

I banged that bird in an alley while waiting for a pizza didn't i, and there was that one who turned out to be a Wiccan or some shit, doing spells on me
Nightclubs are shit, I couldn't tell a good one from a shit one to be honest as they are fucking vile places full of cunts.
I'm not particularly awesome, I'm just a regular guy with a heart of gold.

You're welcome.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:50, Reply)

You shagged AB's missus?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:52, Reply)

No, she wasn't a fat cunt, just a mental cunt.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:52, Reply)

A fat ginger girl, as should be the most embarrassing sexual encounter of anyone who's fucked a fat ginger girl.

( Muns, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:43, Reply)

STOP BULLYING MEATSNAKE!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:51, Reply)

gingers taste different

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:57, Reply)

A bit of an iron like taste.
The ginger also leaked and stained me.
( Muns, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:01, Reply)

everybody loves menstrual cunnilingus

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:38, Reply)

Don't have any, sorry.
AQ1: Bagleys
AQ2: Massive dong
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:43, Reply)

^ Hello Sir Trev

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:45, Reply)

Reminds me of this classic qotw answer
www.b3ta.com/questions/mysaviour/post1961944
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:57, Reply)

not sure I've ever been embarrassed by sex
been embarrassed by had
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:44, Reply)

Your children will be relieved.

( Muns, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:45, Reply)

+ milkman's

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:45, Reply)

I think thats more Jays job

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:46, Reply)

Jay's a milkman?
That explains why he leaves cream in peoples back passages.
( Muns, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:54, Reply)

alright, Humph

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:55, Reply)

Play it again, Sham.

( Muns, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:57, Reply)

that was the joke, porkchop

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:47, Reply)

no, the joke was thinking anyone else would whack it up a sack of bargain basement garlic

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:04, Reply)

YHPCTSCIYFFGM

( Peej, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:13, Reply)

delete this please.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:15, Reply)

Not until Batts texts me

( Peej, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:16, Reply)

i can't believe you of all people would disrespect me like this.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:17, Reply)

Its because YHRSNIYM
Or something, I'm just pressing random letters now. I hear Swipey LYSIHHF!
( Peej, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:19, Reply)

I'll admit that she's probably never fucked dweebs she met on the internet.

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:30, Reply)

well no
how old was she when the internet was invented, 45?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:32, Reply)

it's well documented
alt: turnmills, back in the day
altalt: bit of nurture, bit of nature
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:45, Reply)

I once got shouted at and shoved by Boy George in Turnmills
True story.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:53, Reply)

Did you cum and go?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:05, Reply)

Pulling some bird in a club and doing the walk of shame home with purple hands from her hair dye
Pulling some bird in a pub and being caught nekkid going for a piss by her flatmate
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:45, Reply)

I have watched documentaries involving the second one
Its seems that what normally happens in that instance is the lady is amazed to see a penis and instantly drops to her knees, she is normally then joined by the first lady.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:47, Reply)

Unfortunately this did not happen
Though I wish it had done as she looked FILTH
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:48, Reply)

In time honoured fasion did you waggle your gentlemans veg at her

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:51, Reply)

Of course

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:56, Reply)

I saw a similar documentary about two ladies who started off being lesbians but by the end seemed to have converted and were enjoying the cock again.

( Peej, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:49, Reply)

I may have seen that one
While they had converted to the cock again they still seemed to enjoy a fish supper while being scuttled from behind
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:51, Reply)

They were fighting over his jizz at the end like they hadn't had a hot meal in weeks.
Just as one got it in her mouth the other was right in there actually licking it out of her gob! How fucking hungry must she have been!
( Peej, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:54, Reply)

I think it's more likely that she was catering to the fetish some "straight" men appear have for other men's semen

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:01, Reply)

My wifes best mate dumped her boyfriend when he asked her for a perfectly normal non weird sexual act.
He asked her "Would you let my mate fuck you and then force me to eat his cum out of your pussy?"

Whats up with her eh? What a prude.
( Peej, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:12, Reply)

She was defo frigid and no mistake

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:23, Reply)

god what a total lesbian

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:27, Reply)

I once had sex with a girl who in hindsight wasn't very pretty.
Q1: Buckingham Palace
Q2: You've obviously not met me or you would just understand why.
( Peej, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:48, Reply)

Can you save all the adult chat until after the 9pm watershed please?
Alt: I think most of us are a bit too old for nightclubs now, but most of them do a cheap student night midweek I think.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:51, Reply)

Speak up sonny

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:52, Reply)

BD has been stepped for the pingu picture
:(
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:54, Reply)

Terrible abuse of mod powers by the crybaby mod

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:54, Reply)

this place wouldn't be dead on its arse if that crybaby prick had been killed as a toddler

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:56, Reply)

Mod Cunts

( Peej, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:55, Reply)

I had been trying to get this lass to suck my cock again for ages, she gave fucking awesome head but not very often.
Then late one night just as I was thinking that nothing was going to happen she started noshing me off. I lay back with my eyes closed, it felt good, really fucking good, then not so good, then nothing. I opened my eyes and she had fallen asleep with my cock in her gob.

This was last weekend.
( Peej, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:53, Reply)

You still finished yourself off though, right?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:54, Reply)

Well duh.
Shes fucking lucky I didn't finish off in her hair.
( Peej, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:54, Reply)

Maybe your daughter has narcolepsy.
Take her to see the GP.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:54, Reply)

Ah! That explains it.

( Peej, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:55, Reply)

ha i

+called
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:56, Reply)

genuine lols!

( Peej, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:58, Reply)

hahahahah

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:58, Reply)

I was shagging a lass in a tent once when my FREINDS unpegged the tent and dragged it up the field
It was only embarrassing because I couldn't find my clothes and had to search for them naked.
( Peej, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 14:57, Reply)

I once kicked my mate out of his own tent as I pulled some lass at the Leeds festival
She bit me :o(
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:06, Reply)

I did that at Reading to my mate.
I said "Oh come on Dan, i'd sleep outside for you!" Shagged her then passed out. She was gone in the morning. Saw her again the next year but I was engaged by then.
( Peej, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:08, Reply)

*tent fuck fives*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:32, Reply)

Ive been with a couple of guys who were beyond small. One I asked to leave. Not proud of that but I was young.
(Sorry dozer)
One guy came before I even got my hands on it.

alt. Not been clubbing in the capital enough to place judgement.
altalt. Yer, probably cos Im pretty open minded and cool.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:02, Reply)

Disgusting.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:02, Reply)

I'm a deviant and no mistake.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:07, Reply)

ist eatsn
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:09, Reply)

You've said on numerous occassions that you don't take it
So why does the size of their tadger matter?
( Muns, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:10, Reply)

Well if it don't fit in a hand or a mouth, Im all out of options.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:16, Reply)

you don't have a urethra?

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:31, Reply)

What the fucking problem with premature ejactulation? Take it as a fucking compliment
I said the the wife last week
( Peej, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:15, Reply)

well I still got mine but it's game for 2 players

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:17, Reply)

Don't gays usually plug each others japs eyes up with their partners poo first?

( Muns, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:24, Reply)

It really is a beautiful thing
the love between two men
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:44, Reply)

I did ask you not to mention that

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:25, Reply)

OK I was once in a long distance relationship with this lass in Belgium
We kept our relationship going with regular webcam exchanges often involving dirty talk and masturbation. One day I was on cam waiting for her and got a request to join clicked yes and then right away her request to join popped up again so I clicked yes again thinking nothing of it. We got down to our usual internet nudey masturbation show. After all was done a messaged popped up that said "That was hot!!!" Turns out the first view request wasn't from Marie but from a gay guy called Alex who thought I had just decided to put on an impromptu wanking show just for him. For a long time I was mortified but now I can happily look back and laugh.

I think thats the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me sexual or otherwise. Do I win QOTW?
( Peej, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:07, Reply)

You need to finished with 'Cheers'.

( Muns, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:11, Reply)

officelols

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:33, Reply)

And you never thought you would hear from Alex again
Well good news all the way from Holland, the man who watched you beat it
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:38, Reply)

Surprise surprise!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:40, Reply)

"I'm all abotu the base, about the base, no trouble".
I decided, once, to test the subsequent lyric that "men like a little more booty to hold at night".

It turns out that this isn't broadly accurate, relying entirely on personal taste. For my part, I lasted thirty seconds before losing my stiffy, vomiting in her hair and doing a Monty.
( Kroney, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:17, Reply)

Probably yet another cricket tale.
We were on our annual tour to Lancashire. I was steaming and copped off with a voluptuous bird on the Saturday night.

Woke up on the Sunday morning, massively hungover and totally clueless as to where I was, but very much aware that our next match started in an hour and I was the fucking team captain.

Had to text my room-mate to bring my kit from the hotel and I got a taxi direct to the ground. When I got there the whole team were all dressed, ready and getting warmed up as I vomitted my way out of the cab. Had to go directly out onto the pitch to meet the opposing captain for the toss, still wearing my gear from the night before. Classy.

AQ1: Typical fucking London-centric question.
AQ2: Too many reasons to list here.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:18, Reply)

The Alt just supports Placids belief system.

( Muns, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:23, Reply)

I went home with a girl I was really in to,
Been chasing her for weeks. Go back to hers, fantastic sex (of course) and then fall asleep in each others arms. Now, she has 2 cats, both of which kept trying to jump on the bed while we were doing the do, which was a bit off putting, but I was too drunk and too in to this girl to care. She wakes up the next day, stretches, sort of starts getting toward a morning round 2 of the night before, I put my arm behind her and it's all wet and sticky and I think, maybe it was just the wet patch from the night before. But oh no, in the night one of the cats had shat on the bed in protest and she had rolled in it. Killed the mood entirely.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:25, Reply)

oh yeah NOW we're getting sexy

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:31, Reply)

this^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:34, Reply)

I fingered her, and she shit up my arm!

( $$ ✅, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:32, Reply)

hahahahahaha!!
Proper chuckling away in the office now
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:34, Reply)

Lost my virginity to a girl in faliraki who was so fat I remember not seeing her ankle straps cus there was a layer of fat
I puked up on the way from the hotel to the club... And my group about 15 of us) plus the rest of the hotel kept on trying to smash the door in. I got a bill for that door. It was a club 18-30 holiday. She was proper common in a bad way. Took me like 2 hours to, erm, finish, cus I was both drunk and determind.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:42, Reply)

terrible bullying of [token board fat chick]
/ac
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 15:44, Reply)