*Gets on soapbox again*
A pearoast with added extras…mainly because I'm marking student papers and some are a little weak on the grammar front, but also because reading some posts has begun to irritate me with their errors.


I'm afraid I do not ascribe to the view "I had a poor education/I've got dyslexia/a spot on my bum" - Why? Because education is not the entire responsibility of a school.

The law states that parents have the legal responsibility to ensure their children are educated, they in turn often (but not always) hand their children over to the local state run schools to do the job.

However, children are only in school for part of their time each day, likewise most people have finished in education by the time they are eighteen or twenty-one. Learning goes on throughout your life, so if you didn't pick up the basics of communicating efficiently with your fellow humans at school, learn now!

The same applies to dyslexia - as a child you may not have the intellectual resources to get around your particular form of dyslexia, but do not, ever, use it as an excuse for bad English - as an adult you have the ability to find out where to get help and often with a dyslexic brain you are also able to think far more creatively than non-dyslexics…Leonardo Da Vinci, Albert Einstein, Alexander Graham Bell, Thomas Edison, John Lennon, Pablo Picasso. Don't tell me they couldn't articulate themselves sufficiently because of their dyslexia.

So, onto the pearoast:-



Firstly if you have problems with spelling - no need to feel any shame or fear, it's a common problem and also one easily dealt with. Use Firefox. Set up the English Dictionary Automatic Spell Checker. Each word you misspell will appear with a dotted red line underneath. You need only click on the word and you will be given the opportunity to choose the correct spelling. Alternatively write your QOTW offering in Word or similar and run a spell check.


Secondly if you are unable to use proper English Grammar either purchase or borrow (from a library - if there are any left around you) a copy of the excellent 'Eats Shoots and Leaves' by Lynne Truss. This deals with most common problems and will put you on the path to righteousness.

As a small note….


Its - this is the possessive version - e.g. The monkey grimaced. Its turds were massive.

It's - this is a contraction - a shortening of two words - It and Is - e.g. It's nearly the end of the week, time for a new Question.

Their, There and They're

Their - Possessive - Their house - the house belonging to them.

There - Positional - Over there - Their house is over there.

They're - Contraction - They are - They're over there in their house.

Also beware of homophones - these are not phones from nokia (ha!) but words which sound the same but are spelt differently.

Your (possessive - belonging to - Your fart was smelly.
You 're (contraction)You are smelly.

There is also the abomination that is commonly known as the Greengrocers' apostrophe - as in Tomatoe's, Potatoe's
's means it belongs to someone! It's tomatoes, potatoes, vegetables.

Plurals are shown by a simple s or es

Please, please for the love of all that's good and ginger be aware of these few small rules - use a spell checker, read your post before you click Post and most importantly ensure you know how to use (what is for the majority of you) your FIRST language!



*Goes off to lie down - again. Yes LIE down not LAY - Chickens lay (so arguably I could...) but people LIE down.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 6 May 2008, 12:13, 19 replies)

*clicks*
chickenlady for Highest Available Elected Office In Her Native Country/State!
( Thinker, Tue 6 May 2008, 12:19, closed)

I have to agree.
Though DaVinci and Einstein are famous for being scatty and poorly organised in their paperwork.

I - like many engineers - am one of the afore-mentioned dyslexics. While at school I spent a lot of time trying - and managing - to find ways of spelling and phrasing things proper.

Swedish grammar however... *throws teddy out of pram*
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Tue 6 May 2008, 12:21, closed)

Err
I agree with most of what you said but must take issue with "Eats, Shoots And Leaves" (and I took the liberty of including the comma that you missed...).

ESAL is one of the most pretentious, hectoring, lecturing book I've ever read. The woman needs to be taken out and beaten to death with a half brick. A much better book, in my opinion, is:

Eats, Shites & Leaves: Crap English and How to Use it, by A. Parody...

Cheers

Edit: And plurals aren't all "s" or "es". For example, viruses is wrong - it's virii.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Tue 6 May 2008, 12:35, closed)

And other dyslexics
George Washington
Winston Churchill
John F Kennedy
Woodrow Wilson
Thomas Jefferson
F Scott Fitzgerald
Agatha Christie
F W Woolworth
Walt Disney
W B Yeats
Gustave Flaubert


You are only dyslexic if
a)it's been properly diagnosed by a doctor or an educational psychologist - it's not dyslexia just because you think it is and
b)when the tests are marked a true dyslexic will have results all over the place - plotted on a graph they'll be like a range of mountains. Someone who is a bright all-rounder will have a straight(ish) line of high scores. Someone who is more intellectually challenged (thick) will have a straight(ish) line of low-scores.

Which gets us into even further discourse on education and academic ability...
Sadly our current system here in the UK emphasises academic excellence at the expense of other curriculum areas such as sport, practical subjects like various craft subjects which are now Design Technology.
Now while I think it's a Good Thing that these subjects have been given a makeover so they are not seen as an easy option, I still do not believe that there is anything wrong with being a good carpenter/welder/builder/mechanic. In fact I shall be positively encouraging my sons to pursue careers in plumbing and similar jobs.
Why?
Because there is a national shortage of them,

all the plumbers/builders I have met are always reasonably wealthy,

they all appear to have a high standard of job satisfaction,

they are rarely out of a job,

they'll be able to fix things around the house.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 6 May 2008, 12:41, closed)

Lynn Truss... God what an annoying woman!
But yes, the standard of language here could be improved a lot. The funniest thing ever may have happened to a person and we wouldn't know because we're put off by an incomprehensible morasse of spelling mistakes and grammatical errors.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 6 May 2008, 12:41, closed)

@ Legless
English plurals tend to be s or es, virus is latin.


I can't say I particularly like Lynne Truss's book, but it's one of the most popular in recent times which tackles the growing problem of non-existent grammar.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 6 May 2008, 12:43, closed)

Aye ^^^^ What she said Re: dyslexics
The most common dyslexia test is infact a correctly administered IQ test. As Chickenlady points out the IQ test usually gives a flat range of scores on the 10 or so sections.

On some tests I ran out of questions/tasks for the allotted time. On others I scored slightly lower than a shrew.

Very very interesting.

There are also many MANY types of dyslexia. Some are more fortunate than others. I went to school with a lad who's brain refused to let him focus on words....
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Tue 6 May 2008, 12:49, closed)

The plural of virus
is viruses, not virii.

The word "formulas" does irritate me, even though it's an accepted alternative.
( benryves Now I'm radioactive! That can't be good!, Tue 6 May 2008, 12:50, closed)

Ha!
What does wikipedia know.

They're wrong. And I'm older than Wikipedia so I'm automagically right..

Cheers

Edit: for a word which is hardly ever used (according to wikipedia) how do they explain this? From Google:

Results 141 - 150 of about 578,000 for virii.


( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Tue 6 May 2008, 12:51, closed)

"Dyslexics"
I find it strange how many "dyslexics" get exactly the same words wrong as bad spellers. You'd think all their words would be all over the place, not just "looser", "your" for "you are" etc...

Apologies to real dyslexics who are given a bad name.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 6 May 2008, 12:55, closed)

And Another Thing.
.
One of the rules of grammar is that you shouldn't start a sentence with "and or "but".

But, to be honest, that's bollocks - see the title of this reply (and the first word of this sentence).

Grammar has rigid rules that *should* be adhered to when you're first starting out in this glorious language. Then, when you're proficient, you can start breaking them.

"But when can I break the rules" I hear you cry (and also demonstrate that the "but" rule can easily be broken).

That's the rub.

The entire idea behind correct grammar is to make yourself easily understood to your audience. Once you've mastered the "right" way of doing things, then you can start to mess around with the language.

Here endeth the first lesson.

I fucking *love* the English language!

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Tue 6 May 2008, 13:07, closed)

Plural of virus
Legless, I could almost forgive you if you'd claimed that the plural of virus was "viri", as you'd probably just be making the erroneous assumption that it was a second declension Latin noun.

But where in the name of furiously wanking chimpanzees did you magic the second 'I' from?
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 6 May 2008, 13:08, closed)

To Legless
Edit: for a word which is hardly ever used (according to wikipedia) how do they explain this? From Google:

Results 141 - 150 of about 578,000 for virii.

Never underestimate the posting power of fucktards.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 6 May 2008, 13:14, closed)

Because
578 000 web pages can't be wrong.

Now look. I'm know I'm on shaky ground here so let's just let it drop. Go on. There's a good boy.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Tue 6 May 2008, 13:15, closed)

Google.
I actually agree with you, Legless, but using google to prove your point doesn't really work...

According to Googlefight.com, virii has a respectable 526,000 results, but viruses comes in at a whopping 43,800,000!

Ah, the wrongness of the internet.
(Rotten_Cointreau is a proper scientician, Tue 6 May 2008, 13:29, closed)

In That Case
I refer you to Cockbrush's post three above this one.

"Never underestimate the posting power of fucktards."

I winz!!!

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Tue 6 May 2008, 13:32, closed)

Ach!
Beaten by the awesome power of the extraneous "Z"! Bugger.
(Rotten_Cointreau is a proper scientician, Tue 6 May 2008, 13:38, closed)

Possessive
This always trips me up.

"Its turds were massive." - but don't the turds belong to the monkey?
(conby whinemoansleep, Tue 6 May 2008, 21:48, closed)

Yes they do
but its is the anomaly...it is the only one which doesn't feature the possessive apostrophe. Instead it's is actually a contraction, a shortening of two words, it is.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 6 May 2008, 22:56, closed)