Duh-duh-duh-duh du-du-du-du-BING!
Just over a year ago, I was on Countdown.

I got beaten by a smarmy arsehole Roller Coaster Operator from Adventure Island in Southend. I didn't score a point in the first four rounds (although I won most rounds after that,but couldn't quite claw back the defecit). I tripped over a cable and landed on Colin Jackson (and, yes, in answer to the unasked question, he is. Definitely.) I learnt that relooped is not a word, and then had to pretend I was learning it again when an old lady in the audience had a coughing fit while I was being told it the first time. I didn't find a single rude word to make (although the audience are so easily pleased that they thought it was hysterical when I won a round with the word "Idiots" - I guess everyone likes recognition). Then to cap a miserable morning, I got it in the ear from an angry other half for embarrassing her by flirting with Rachel.

And as for the goodie bag? Well, the pen has run out of ink, the clock doesn't work, the mug got broken and Susie Dent couldn't even be arsed to sign her shitty book. I do at least own a very expensive dictionary now though. Well, I say dictionary, it's actually more of a Private-Eye-Keep-Flattener-cum-Dust-Gatherer.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 10:09, 13 replies)

Ahhh Rachel Riley
I wouldn't mind giving her a nine letter word. Gonorrhea.

Anyway, you have my click for flirting with the sexiest thing on channel 4 between the hours of 3-4pm.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 10:19, closed)

Why do you want to gather cum dust?

(TitanLX, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 10:36, closed)

I'm
working on a revolutionary cum-rehydrator to avoid the expensive freezing process currently needed in the sperm donor programme.

Obviously.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 10:47, closed)

sperm doner programme?
are you also planning to open up a high unethical fast food restaurant?
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 10:51, closed)

Unethical says who?
Unhygenic, maybe...

Although compared to some places I've eaten, maybe not.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 10:54, closed)

quite the conundrum

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 11:20, closed)

That reminded me,
the conundrum was 'fruitless' so I said 'much like my being here today' but they cut that. Probably for me being too much of an obnoxious smartarse.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 11:27, closed)

Why is it coming out dusty in the first place?

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 11:00, closed)

hahahahaha...
... ha

BRILLIANT
( lucosade is counting down the minutes until, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:20, closed)

You didn't embarass your other half
You actually caused panicky feelings of low self esteem, and fear of rejection, which were far too raw for her to discuss with you in a straightforward manner. She chose to tell you she was embarassed instead.

You can't blame her though. Rachel clearly has extraordianry genes.
(username failed moderation, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 10:54, closed)

She does.
They made her arse look wonderful.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 10:55, closed)

.
Spectacular.
(username failed moderation, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 10:57, closed)

Is this related
to how the mug got broken?
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 11:34, closed)