I hate cats.
I never used to hate the sly, conniving, filthy little shits but my mind was changed forever since owning one.
This moggy was spawned from the loins of satan himself. It was a gorgeous little sqeaky fluffy thing when we brought it home. Unbelievably cute when we tucked it into it's little basket thing in our bedroom and woke to find it nestled between the pillows on our bed in the morning. Then things changed....

I'd conducted much research on how the little darling should be house trained, all to no avail. Every conceivable method was attempted only to fail miserably in a stinking dollop and wet patch on the carpet. It had litter trays galore, as the last resort, I put a tray of kitty litter in every corner it used as a toilet, only to find that it would squat right beside it.

Then things turned violent. It stopped purring one day and commences the season of growling. I even took the little tw@ to the vet at great expense, to find out that there was nothing medically wrong - it was just a tw@. It would scratch, bite, claw it's way up my back if I had the audacity to crouch down before it....

I then did something shameful. I'd been renovating our new house over a few months, and it became habitable. Satan's feline chum was let out one night and didn't return for 4 days (Stinking). The next time it went out it didn't come back the next day... so I moved house. never seen the evil little shit since.

HOORAY!

My other story is concerning another kitty with a death-wish. Mrs Greencloud worked shifts, and my benevolent self would pick her up from late shifts, leaving home at 10pm. One night I left in a hurry - it was 22:10. I felt a little bump, but thought it was a stone behind a wheel or something. Half an hour later, I return with Mrs Greencloud to find a rather large, rather fluffy, and rather dead black cat lying where my car had been parked earlier.

Not particularly funny - you're thinking. Read on...

With a lack of disposal methods at hand, and not wanting to leave the carcass to be savaged by foxes for the owner to find spread across the street in the morning, I promptly picked it up by the tail and dropped it into a nearby wheelie-bin. Cue Mrs greencloud thinking that i would be arrested / lose my driving licence / be sued by the RSPCA / receive hate-mail from the neighbours etc. I had to patiently explain (repeatedly) that i wouldn't be facing prison or even prosecution for knocking down a cat.

I've now had a cute little dwarf black bunny for almost 8 years. She'll savage anybody else who goes near her, but loves me to bits!
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Mon 11 Jun 2007, 13:48, Reply)