When I was a kid
I walked in on my 5 year old neighbour crouched on the kitchen table shovelling handfuls of margerine into his gob like he was a pirate plundering a tub of something delicious.

He turned and looked at me his eyes wild and frenzied, although a spark of guilt emanated from him, as though it were 10 years into the future and he'd been caught spacking to a bendon catalogue.

I stood frozen in horror as he continued to bring up massive handfuls of the golden lard to his mouth slurping it down and licking his fingers, whilst staring at me, daring him to stop him. My mother walked in a few seconds after me and immediately chased him out of the kitchen with a broom, whereupon he ran out of the kitchen smearing margerine handprints throughout the house on the way through skipping delightedly like only an evil child can.

I have not been able to eat margerine or butter on anything since then, indeed the very thought of the texture and taste of it makes me want to ralph. It's probably the only reason I 'm not a huge fatty with type 2 diabeetus, and why cafe staff treat me with contempt when I ask about their sandwich's spread content, as though I were some kind of health nut hatin' on marg.

I questioned my mother about it some 12 years after it happened. .....

Apparently it never did.. I dreamed the whole damn thing.
(Sammyj, Wed 16 Apr 2008, 3:08, 1 reply)

lard
is nasty, and butter on sandwiches, why? its gross, makes everything slimy and you can taste the fat, retch.

remember seeing the big breakfast once where they made someone eat lard like an apple. gross
(Katzilla Follow Me! @Kat_Zilla (I don't promise funnehs), Wed 16 Apr 2008, 10:09, closed)