I'm not participating in this weeks question.
Honestly, I've got about 100 telegrams I haven't got around to reading.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 0:42, 2 replies)

I wrote a book
It's over 120,000 words long. It's sublime in its detail (it's a factual book) with the most brilliant, accurate references and the finest English (I paid to get it proof read and edited by 3 separate people).

It took 7 years from start to finish.

It sits on an old hard drive. Hoping. That one day I will do something with it.

FFS.
(IPFreely, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 0:05, 4 replies)

Theres a tiny wire gummed to the back of my top front teeth
Its a relic from my high school days, when i had quite a lot of orthodontic work done.

When that happy day came that my braces were removed an inch long piece of wire was cemented to the back of my teeth to make sure that they didnt make a bid for freedom and return to their previous positions.

I was 16 when it was stuck there, 17 when I had it reinforced. It was scheduled for removal when I turned 18.

I turn 28 on Thursday. Wire is still there.
(spent.fish flipping and gasping, Sun 16 Nov 2008, 22:46, 4 replies)

I went on holiday once
I went to Colombia, and while it was a lovely country, there was one thing that bugged me. Now I like a sugar in my coffee. But I like brown sugar, Demarera sugar in fact.

Could I get it anywhere? Nope. Sugar everywhere but it was WHITE sugar, and very fine at that. Everyone was seemed very hurt when I asked for brown sugar, and kept offering me the fine white stuff.



Turns out Colombia is a pro-Caster nation.



(Sorry, upon re reading that looks like it is going to end up being on about coke but it's not.)
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Sun 16 Nov 2008, 21:23, 2 replies)

Bored, so turned last years home Christmas video into a sinister trailer for this Christmas!
Theres plenty of things I should be doing. Like learning Spanish, or even out enjoying the warm sunshine.

But I couldnt be bothered and found myself making this:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=6StXECpgu6c

Came out better than I thought :)
(Miggyman, Sun 16 Nov 2008, 18:04, 2 replies)

After a few years of procrastination...
It seems like in 6 months i may finally be in canada!
( Axai is in Montréal, Canada O.o, Sun 16 Nov 2008, 16:57, 2 replies)

The best thing I've found
The irony of this has been killing me for days.

I'd been reading last week's QOTW until it hit me what I could write about, what I really wanted to tell everyone about, yet couldn't quite work it into a story.

Must have been around the end of last weekend I started getting The Bug to do something with it, even if was to be buried under a pile of posts.

Trouble was, I had no time; either working, out, knackered or simply running low on inspiration. Then Thursday came and I found myself on a train on the way to site, with both the time to think and the will to act. T'was now or never. All the way there I plotted, and all the way back I wrote, my laptop finally charged up after a hectic day in a dark server room.

I got in, made a cup of tea, waited for B3ta to load, and there she was: Closed.

My preparation in tatters, I scanned up the page, opening the latest challenge and sat, po faced, tea dribbling down my chin and on to my creased shirt, as Chthonic's QOTW opening taunted me:

Procrastination.

And so, you lucky, lucky people, almost two weeks late, my entry for the last comp:

---
We'd walked for miles on legs made of jelly.

From the wilderness we'd traveled, sighting the lights of town and trudging through it, we'd shared many adventures, the warming thought of tea keeping us going as we swam through a thick mist inside and out.

We shared stories which stretched back many years to the night before, trading tales of half remembered conversations with our new, temporary best friends, cursing the DJ we were still deeply in love with for our broken legs.

Just one more corner, then it would be the last few corners, then tea, perchance to smoke and welcome the dawn from a more relaxed and sleepful perspective.

Then I saw it. Whether it had been lost, carelessly discarded, or had placed itself there deliberately to be found, I did not know, I did not want to know.

I circled it several times, barely daring to believe. I picked it up, holding it with both hands to make it real.

"What have you found?", my friend asked me

"It's a tin of cheese.", I breathed

His eyes widened: "It comes in tins?"

"It comes in tins."

"May I see?", he asked. "Sure", and gently handed it over.

"I wonder what it tastes like, out of a tin?", he mused. I quickly took it back.

It lives on the top shelf of my cupboard now, my tin of cheese. Sometimes it catches me by surprise, and I gaze at it, wondering if its contents are a lie.

I can't decide if I'll be buried with it, my tin, my Tin of Cheese. Maybe I wont be, maybe it will be opened at my wake, served, as it should be, on small sticks, possibly with some pineapple.

---

(Length? Less than a half my bitterness.)
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Sun 16 Nov 2008, 16:39, 3 replies)

M'gonna
I had this great idea in about 2003 to do a website called "mgonna.com" . It would have a little google like box after the words 'MGONNA' that you would fill in. Like 'MGONNA give up smoking' or 'MGONNA join a gym'. Or whatever. Then using the search engines, custom written content and paid ads it would serve up info for what you were 'gonna' do. The business plan also had functionality to tell your friends what project you had embarked on so they could support/humiliate you.

I wrote the business plan, registered the url and then did fuck all with it.

The irony KILLS me.
(prescottsflu infected you at, Sun 16 Nov 2008, 14:42, 5 replies)

Cuba.
It's a pro-Castro nation
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Sun 16 Nov 2008, 14:16, 5 replies)

Leaving me alone is not a good idea
A while ago, my whole family went to Cavan for the long weekend and I somehow got out of it.

In the next four days and did not shower, get dressed, leave the house or speak and ate only two actual meals that had been left for me. I spent the whole time playing computor games, messing about on the internet and watching the news.

It's best not to leave me alone.....
(Violet kicks arse for the Lord, Sun 16 Nov 2008, 14:02, 2 replies)

Sundays are lazy...
It’s Sunday, a day so incredibly lazy, it’s almost in danger of stopping dead in it’s tracks. I’m implausibly bored, all my friends are either playing sport, sunning themselves up in Goa, or just playing happy bloody families at home. It’s not fair, what happened to the world revolving around me?

I have a rake load of ironing to do, I could be decorating various bits of my flat and my car is so fucking dirty, If it was human not even Russell Brand would sleep with it. Can I be arsed to attend to any of the aforementioned though? Can I frost. Instead I am watching Western Films, practicing my Northern Irish accent in the mirror and thinking about which member of Girls aloud I would like to punch in the mouth first. Or which one I would like to blow spunk in their face first. Those bitches are like Marmite, I don’t know whether to love them or hate them. Anyway, I have even resorted to inventing a game that merely involves throwing tic-tacs into a pot with a slightly larger orifice than a tic-tac. I am now in the process of drafting sketches and proper rules in order to ensure this becomes a recognised sport. It’s sure to catch on, I mean, It’s got to be more interesting than cricket? A sport when all you have to do is hit a little red ball around a field using a lump of wood. You play the game for the best part of a week and that don’t even guarantee a fucking winner at the end.
(Sir_Digby_Chicken_Caeser [email protected], Sun 16 Nov 2008, 13:54, 3 replies)

How lazy am I?
I have this great idea for an anti-Bush tshirt.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 16 Nov 2008, 13:26, 3 replies)

I have honestly lost count...
...of the amount of times I have not done work due to procrastination. I have, in the past, stared at a blank word document whilst thinking of things unrelated to the work in question, and when I was supposed to be doing research for something, I ended up doodling irrelevancies on my notes.

But I'm sure everyone round here does that, right?

Right?
( Green Spanner and his magical lack of activity, Sun 16 Nov 2008, 13:14, Reply)

Someone I know made a website...
and got everyone else to fill it with content. Including me it seems.
(catbrain likes the hairy scratchings bestest, Sun 16 Nov 2008, 13:00, 1 reply)

Xmas Shopping
I dont understand why people traul through the malls pushing and shoving, and spend hours doing their xmas shopping. I just did all of mine in 2 minutes.
I jsut ordered 10x £10 gift vouchers from Marks and Sparks :)

Sorted :D
(Miggyman, Sun 16 Nov 2008, 12:33, 4 replies)

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 16 Nov 2008, 11:49, 5 replies)

I'll describe
The difference between procrastination and laziness to most of you tomorrow. Right now, I'm finding something else to do.
(David CopAFeel Used to be The_Elcat - Spouting crap since 1970., Sun 16 Nov 2008, 11:39, Reply)

Rule of my kitchen.
If food takes longer to prepare than it does to eat. Then its not worth it.

The other day I was hungry, found some left over bologneise in the fridge. So had to make some spagetti to go with it.... hmm...

I had bologneise.
(Miggyman, Sun 16 Nov 2008, 11:29, 1 reply)

"Procrastination" by Lev Yilmaz.
I saw this yesterday; comes from Tales Of Mere Existence. It's quite cute.

uk.youtube.com/watch?v=4P785j15Tzk

[Also, if anyone is in London today with nothing better to do, I recommend going to onedotzero at the BFI where they have lots more animation and short films.]
www.onedotzero.com/event.php?id=31182
/plug over
( kitsune-tsuki tankeløst hode får lettest sove, Sun 16 Nov 2008, 10:42, 2 replies)

New job laziness.
I'm finisging the current job in April and I really have to get my finger out and apply for a new one. There's a good chance of one all lined up, but try as hard as I can, I just cannot seem to write the damn' email. It should just be some simple words, but I just cannot do it.
So I've been overhauling my website instead - which won't get me a job. Or cash.
Gah.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Sun 16 Nov 2008, 9:00, 3 replies)

Just nipping out cuz we're out of toothpicks
I'm constantly thinking up random errands to run so I can further delay any chores I might have on my plate.

Because if you have to leave the house, it's not really procrastination, is it?
(ElGranto, Sun 16 Nov 2008, 5:29, Reply)

Laziness.
I had no internet last month, so I played Football Manager 2007. It has this editor thing. You can create super players, and all sorts. I gave Birmingham City an under-18 squad of super-heroes who would take over the universe, set up transfers of aging stars like Beckham and Van Nistleroy to fill the gaps while they blossomed, gave them better coaches than the best coaches in the world, and £150,000,000 in transfer funds for good measure. I then set upon dominating English and European football in ways never dreamed of. Over a total period of 200+ hours (it kindly tells you how much of your life it drains) I went on to win the Premier league 15 times in a row, picking up a million cups i along the way, before I got bored.
Then I went back to the editor, created a nobody team called St Mawes (a tiny village in Cornwall), put them in the Blue Square South league, gave them a team of god-coaches and crap kids who would develop into Peles, and took them over. I got them promoted two years running, drawing one game and winning the rest, won the shit non-league cup twice, the FA Cup twice, and the UEFA cup, beating Real Madrid 3-0 in the final.
Then I got the internet back.
During this period, all I have done is basically sit at my computer demanding tea from my housemate. Whenever he would pick up his coat, I'm onto him like a vulture, asking if he's going to Tesco, and if so, can he get me stuff. I would go to bed at 8.00am and get up at 4.30pm. I had maybe four baths during this time. There's mould in a bowl in the kitchen, and empty beer bottles from last month.

I think I know a thing or two about laziness.
(tugger blah fucking blah, Sun 16 Nov 2008, 4:55, Reply)

Science *is* fun...
It’s 3.22am and I’m on my 4th consecutive graveyard shift at the European Synchotron Radiation Facility. I’ve racked up about 10 hours sleep since we arrived on Monday and I’m close to hallucinating. In order to alleviate the unmitigated boredom of our experiment, my 2 colleagues and I have so far;

Eaten 2 wheels of camembert, a kilo of emmental, 4 giant Milka bars, 3 bags of brioche and 4 bags of Haribo.
Watched 17 episodes of House and 12 of Nip/Tuck.
Had an hour long discussion about shaving one’s arse crack.
Ranked everyone we work with in order of how filthy we think they’d be in bed.
Discussed how much money we would need to be paid to have sex with one of our relatives.
Read every single ‘Best of’ page on the QOTW. Again.
Festooned the whiteboard in the office with a gallery of cock pictures
And broken the toilet.

I have failed to;

Write the paper I have been bleating on about for 18 months.
Edit the review article I had promised to submit next Friday.
Write any of my tutorial questions.
Analyse any of my data.

If you wonder why people think that the Large Hadron Collider may one day fall over and catapult us all into oblivion, clearly it’s because there’s muppets like me allowed to work with multi million pound equipment in the dead of night whilst hyped up on caffeine and sugar.

I have another 36 hours of this before mercifully, I will be taken round the back of the lab and shot.

EDIT: it's now 6.54am and I've just had a conversation with a vending machine. In French. I think it may be time for a little sleepy now...
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Sun 16 Nov 2008, 3:32, 13 replies)

I can't be bothered
finding something else to read, despite finding these stories frustrating rather than funny or charming.

Sorry again.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 16 Nov 2008, 0:18, 2 replies)

Putting off not dying (maybe)
During the upper school-sixth form transition 3 month summer holiday (possibly the laziest 3 months of my life.) I received a letter regarding a booster tetanus/polio/diphtheria jab I should have, seeing as im now 16.

I think the letter arrived in either June or July... That gave me pleanty of time off to go and get it done, now I'm afraid if I ring 'em to get an appointment they'll tell me to F off. I think I'll just die instead.
(chrisdood Why yes, I am the shizzle, Sun 16 Nov 2008, 0:13, 1 reply)

Lazy? Me?
It all started in 5th grade when we were supposed to do research papers. Everyone did theirs, except me. Oops. Would you rather write about Davy Crockett or go outside and play? Or even stay inside and play? Or watch television? Or read comic books?
(brian1121, Sun 16 Nov 2008, 0:07, Reply)

Today
I woke up at ten. No big deal, was a bit ill and had a terrible night the night before. But I had a lot of work to do with honours research project and article reading and such so I thought I'd get breakfast and get right on to it.

Read the book I bought that the RAF says I should read before my interview.

It's now noon. Flatmate A is at work, Flatmate B is gone but expecting a parcel. I have exercising to do but as Flatmate B's parcel is dead mice I decide it better to stay in. Check emails and such things, send a few text messages to inform people of my doings the night before.

1pm rolls around and Flatmate A returns. I swiftly head out for my exercises as there is now less chance of dead mice being re-delivered on Monday all decomposed. I return and decide to go for a shower. But beforehand indulge in some old QOTW FPs.

2.45 and i'm standing in my hall watching the TV that's in the kitchen displaying the rugby (Scotland and South Africa nil all at twenty minutes? Bloody hell!) wearing only a towel. I did eventually make it to the shower at half time.

Game finishes and although we lost I'm suitably elevated and sit down with the article. Nothing happens. I check bebo. I read some more QOTW.

I go to buy some rum for my headcold, I phone the old man who was at the game (me four weeks ago: "I'm too busy in November, I can't go to both All Blacks and Sprinbocks") and have an extensive chat about it. Read more QOTW.

Decide I have a relevant tale for this week's question.
(Phase3Profit pees too much, Sat 15 Nov 2008, 23:15, Reply)

My brother
My brother decided once that he couldn't be arsed to walk from the living room all the way to the downstairs bathroom and so pissed in the kitchen sink instead.
(claireyfairy There's a smell in here that will outlast religion, Sat 15 Nov 2008, 23:08, 3 replies)

I haven't got any chocolate
so I'm eating cocoa powder cos I can't be bothered to go to the shop.

I haven't even got any milk to mix it with.

It's a bit dry.
(man_d is being watched by experts on, Sat 15 Nov 2008, 22:59, 2 replies)