I've waited years, but so far it hasn't happened
Walking along with a cigarette. A janitor shuffles up, pointing at the "No Smoking" signs. "Oi! Can't you read?"

"Yes, that's why I'm not sweeping up for a living."
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 16:53, 12 replies)

www.b3ta.com/questions/putdowns/post1449266
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 16:55, closed)

Fair enough
Though I reckon this form is funnier.

And I prefer the "I don't come to your work and slap the sailors' cocks out of your mouth" version.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 17:08, closed)

No. Neither are funny. It and all derivations thereof are older than God and unfunnier than your mum after a few gins.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 17:24, closed)

speaking of people who need the cocks slapped out of their mouths.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 17:27, closed)

What do you do for a living?

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 16:56, closed)

Talks to janitors.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 16:58, closed)

Worst Native American name ever.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 17:05, closed)

According to the logs, I mainly read B3ta

(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 17:09, closed)

Wouldn't this just make you an arsehole?
You know, for smoking where you shouldn't and then being a...well...arsehole...when this is pointed out to you?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 17:12, closed)

Worse than Hitler,
I shouldn't think.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 19:35, closed)

This is an interesting alternative to coming up with the killer comeback two days after the incident.

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 20:07, closed)

I have had a slightly less
dubious version of this discussion with a hectoring jobsworth before.

Was in some manky outlet place in Swindon, just after the smoking ban came into force. No smoking signs everywhere, etc. I was wandering aimlessly towards the exit, to smoke outside. I put a cigarette in my mouth as I was heading out.

Some guy, must have been either security or a caretaker or something, bellowed at me at the top of their voice "Oi, you can't smoke in here!!".

I took the cigarette out of my mouth, looked theatrically at the unlit end of it, said "Yes, that's right", and continued through the door, where I lit the cigarette.
(username failed moderation, Tue 29 Nov 2011, 9:26, closed)