Today I went to buy apple pie from Tesco.
On the way back I noticed a chap leaning, proprietorially, against a red and black Suzuki 600 Bandit motorcycle. He looked the part, pristine red and black leather all in one suit, with the gleaming knee and elbow sliders and matching helmet. The only other bike in the car park was a cheap Chinese 125 in similar colours. As I got closer I saw that this fella, who looked in his late 30s, was chatting to two teenage girls. I heard him comment about the bike that

“It goes like sh*t off a shovel, and the bike is whisper-quiet - it’s like a ninja, almost undetectable to the human ear. She’s a real beaut.”

At this point I felt that I had to interject. While I like the idea of the younger generation getting into bikes, they shouldn’t be mislead.

“Yeah, but the back tyre needs constant care and it tends to rattle at anything over 90.”

He notices me and gives me the once over. Instead of the shiny one-suit, I’m wearing a leather jacket so old it can get insurance from SAGA, cheap jeans and trainers.

“Well mate,” he sneers, “I think I know a bit more about this bike than you.” He glares at me, I glare at him. The girls titter at this show of masculinity.

I go for the dignified exit.

“Sure, I can’t compete with your many years of experience,” I say as I put my keys in the Bandit, hearing the roar of my baby’s exhaust as she bursts into life, before burbling contentedly away, “but I think ninjas are supposed to be a bit quieter than this, don’t you?”

He turns around, shocked. He goes to lean back on the bike while he explains to the now-guffawing girls, but I’m already riding off, laughing as I see him sprawled on the floor in my mirror.
(jamesthegill opens new tabs with his scroll wheel, Tue 29 Nov 2011, 21:12, 13 replies)

this is mighty familiar
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Tue 29 Nov 2011, 21:37, closed)

The first time I heard this story, it had a Honda Accord in it.
(xaer0mancer, Tue 29 Nov 2011, 21:50, closed)

i feel as if i have just been raped by the deja vue monster with this little tale

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Tue 29 Nov 2011, 21:55, closed)

I believe it was a Ferrari, no?
(anvil, Tue 29 Nov 2011, 22:07, closed)

Repeats on the telly,
repeats on the bloody internet.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 7:50, closed)

Needs more ferrari
Maybe like this :

b3ta.com/questions/lastlaugh/post1072353
( His Popiness the Hole Invaded Poland on, Tue 29 Nov 2011, 22:29, closed)

I fully believe this happened in exactly this manner.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 29 Nov 2011, 23:50, closed)

You've been here 7 years.
And you thought you'd get away with that?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 8:54, closed)

How annoying would this be (to the OP) if it really did happen
But I find it suspiciously familiar too...
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 9:50, closed)

LIES
ON THE INTERNET
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 9:51, closed)

People, don't be so judgemental. The stories are
completely different.

He was buying Lemsip in the Ferrari one. This one is Tesco's apple pie.
(username failed moderation, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 9:58, closed)

To be fair ....
... he's not overdone it. 600 Bandit ? If I'd have been (re)telling that story it would have been a ZX10R or a SS1000RR.
( Ramsay Tupper, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 12:54, closed)

James the Gull(ible)
Own up - you got caught with your hand in the interweb. Fair cop you nicked it - innit?
(justin(e), Thu 1 Dec 2011, 11:51, closed)