I once had a job...
.. delivering cars all over the UK. Ex-hire cars going to auction companies, auctioned cars going to dealerships, new cars going wherever they go etc...

Twas much fun in many ways... We got a car to take home at the weekends which could be anything from an ancient and knackered Transit van to a brand-new top-of-the-line Merc. My favorite (and my ladyfriend at the time's too) was a 600SL which scared me when I glanced at the speedo to realise I was doing 160mph on the M45. But I digress...

The main bone of contention with this job apart from the constant urging that 'speed limits are only a guideline', was the 5am start every morning. I was living with a friend who grew 'special plants' in his basement, and - in exchange for my silence - provided as much as I could smoke, so every night was basically an epic bong-fest. This did not bode well for morningtime... I held that job for three months and was on time once.

The boss was pissed off with me pretty much every day but I was far too self-absorbed at the time to realise he was justified in this, believing something along the lines of 'This work is so beneath me, I hate everyone, when will the world become what I want it to be' etc... So I hated him with a passion. A poorly justified teenage passion but a passion nonetheless.

I was on my way home after a particularly gruelling day (hitchiking out of Plymouth took NINE hours!) in a crappy escort van, coming down a steep towards the roundabout by Wellingborough (Off the A14... massive hill with a roundabout right at the bottom, can't remeber the name of the road) and while coasting down the hill at about 60, jammed it into 1st gear.

Imagine a cartoon where there is a steel wire under enormous tension.. Now imagine the cartoon noise it would make when that wire snapped.. That's pretty much the noise that came from the gearbox. I coasted round the roundabout to all sorts of strange scraping and whining noises. There was clearly no longer any connection between the engine and the wheels... clutch in, clutch out, nothing. The gearstick could be moved in a full circle with a stirring motion. I phoned him up and said 'I quit, your van is by such-and-such roundabout with the keys in it... no, nobody can steal it, it's fucked' and hung up.

I know I was being a twat but to this day, the noise the gearbox made brings a smile to my face, not quite sure why..

Yay me for finally joining up after lurking for about 6 years. Please excuse unfunniness, lack of sound effects and enormous girth.
(Ktulu O'Ryleh float like a turd, sting like chlamydia, Wed 28 May 2008, 0:14, 3 replies)

shitty driving job
Ha Ha! I had the same job, I detested it, except for when I got this hyperfast Alpha Romeo and I took it with my brother to a disused airfield and used up a tank of petrol screeching it around, then returned it at the end of the weekend with a burned out clutch.

I realised I had to leave when I found myself sat in the back of a Vauxhall Vectra sandwiched between Three 60 year old men who all looked like every picture of a paedophile you've ever seen, going 130 down the M3 with all three of them plus the two in front smoking Lambert and butlers with the windows closed. I saw my death and realised that this really wasn't the most dignified way to go.
(drshipman iz in yr shower killing yr nan, Wed 28 May 2008, 7:59, closed)

choice
Whenever I got a rear wheel drive car I made a point of doing donuts and trying to drift it as often as possible. The mercs were shite for it because of the automatic gearbox and the stability control you can only partly switch off, unless you got one of the V8s. Jags were impossible because again the gearbox and the sheer weight of the bloody things. Had much more luck with Mazda MX5 although nearly killed myself. The surprise favorite was a 3litre turbodiesel Mercedes Sprinter van... that thing could lay rubber like nothing else I ever drove, and a quick squirt on pretty much any corner could put you sideways... aah happy days.
(Ktulu O'Ryleh float like a turd, sting like chlamydia, Wed 28 May 2008, 13:25, closed)

god
im never getting a car delivered by any of you lot! :)
(Neomancer last looked smug on, Wed 28 May 2008, 22:36, closed)