Abstract art
I was one of those kids in school who was naturally gifted, shall we say. Bright enough to manage anything I wanted to, consistently good marks across the board. It’s not that I was spectacularly talented at everything, just had a decent head on my shoulders.

As is the case with people like me, you find that if you don’t really start knuckling down you will start slipping, because raw intelligence will only get you so far. Fact is, I was and remain epically lazy, so I slipped. This is getting a bit far from the story… art. Art had never been my strong point, I had always looked upon it with some derision as I couldn’t see where it would help, or how drawing a pretty picture had anything to do with education. So as I remember, my art grades were generally average to poor. I wasn’t fussed. The idea I'm trying to get across is that I am reasonably clever, I just don't really give a fuck.

My major strong point was and always will be English. I still didn’t care enough to put the effort in, but I ‘get’ it, particularly language development and such. Doing an English Lit and Lang AS Level, I had to go on a residential trip to Wales – 2 ½ days for lit, 2 ½ for lang. One of the weirdos who had to stay all week. Spent much time having much fun on the lang part, going to primary schools and reading to kids, checking out ancient gravestones for the language, blah blah. The lit lot showed up Wednesday afternoon, and we got down to that section. Reading plays (I remember doing Llareggub), composing poems from bits of rubbish we found on the hill, more blah blah.

Where does art enter here? One afternoon our lit teacher – absolute hero, the only teacher I could call a cunt, the only one who loved skunkz as much as me, and a keen artist who exhibited locally. He gave us each a line from a poem – I forgot what – and told us to do a piece of abstract art drawn from our line.

So we set to work. All given a few colours to draw in, a sheet of paper, and basically draw until we were happy. I went into this expecting very little – I saw abstract art as squiggles and lines, it meant virtually nothing to me, aside from what I’d picked up in media studies. I knew there were a few ‘art boffins’ in the class, including some who went on to do degrees in art. So I sat there, happily gurgling away and basically about as involved as a toddler finger painting, while people around me meticulously interpreted.

Next thing I know, it’s show time. All of them collected in, and he starts going through. He’s quite impressed by a couple, including a friend’s absolutely stunning rat, I can’t really explain it but it was brilliant. She was berated however, for ‘adding whiskers’. Another showed a night scene of bats over a city which he liked.

Suddenly, he yells ‘whose is THAT!’ and I see him holding aloft my retard-piece. Somehow I’d apparently crafted a perfect abstract representation of my piece of poetry, and I had no idea what I was doing. He placed them first to last and put them in the English corridor, my piece of shit taking pride of place above the runners-up, all done with infinitely more technical skill than mine.

I guess I’m just an artistic genius, I just don’t even know it myself. And I can’t draw for shit.
( Rookie You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel, Tue 18 Aug 2009, 12:45, 5 replies)

Bugger All
Bit of topic, but Dylan Thomas' Under Milk Wood will remain with me forever, like a old timers little britain, Mfanway Price, Rosie Probert, Captain Cat and of course Polly Garter. Rambling a bit!

Well written though, a little unlike my reminiscent babblings..
(MissFlee tried again on, Tue 18 Aug 2009, 13:40, closed)

That's what it was called!
In my experience, the most fun play to read in a group. Thanks for the reminder.
( Rookie You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel, Tue 18 Aug 2009, 13:42, closed)

Anytime
The only reason I remembered it so well is because we had a VERY animated english teacher who decided accents were very necessary when reading as a class. And the face the llareggub spells buggerall backwards of course :D
(MissFlee tried again on, Tue 18 Aug 2009, 16:47, closed)

Sounds like what happened to Homer in the Simpsons.
Have you ever tried to build on your underlying art genius?
(The Kwyjibo A big, dumb, balding North American ape., Tue 18 Aug 2009, 14:28, closed)

No, but excellent idea
Think I'll go and buy a build-in barbeque!
( Rookie You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel, Tue 18 Aug 2009, 16:42, closed)