House rules
Women. Once married, they have House Rules. House Rules which must be obeyed at all costs, or it is ze cooler and no nookie for a month.

So, here are a few of the house rules that I am forced to live under, forced upon me by the tyrannical, yet fragrant Mrs Scaryduck regime.

Every now and then, my charming wife comes up with some new regulation to ensure the smooth running of our household. A new regulation that I have already unwittingly broken since it was passed by a secret house committee ten minutes previously.

For example:

* There are no rules, except for the ones I make up, arbitrarily and on the spot

* No pissing in the shower

* All beetroot must be crinkle cut

* Obey all the rules

* Don't wipe your arse on the hamster

* Gazpacho Soup must be thoroughly warmed through

* For God's sake, use your own socks as fake bosoms

And now, Rule 387 of This House:

* Don't fart while you're asleep

I'm still trying to come to terms with this particular addition to the regulations, and have given up arguing that this is like telling a zombie to stop eating spicy brains.

"You did two last night," she said after a sprout-heavy Christmas dinner, implying that my body's inability to break down certain organic compounds is somehow my fault, "and they were FOUL."

Luckily, we still had the cork from the day's celebratory bottle of I-can't-believe-it's-not-Champagne, and I have vowed - under Rule 387 (a) (as amended) to use that.

What, I ask, could possibly go wrong?
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Sun 27 Dec 2009, 12:37, 8 replies)

Shower
The pissing in the shower rule is not enforceable, because they can't police it.

You can do it and they don't know.

There's probably a market for a spray that turns the whole shower blue if you piss in it. It would work by detecting man wee chemicals.
(Super Jet Shoes, Sun 27 Dec 2009, 15:05, closed)

what could go wrong?
I suppose that depends on whether 'shooting the cat in your sleep' is on the list.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sun 27 Dec 2009, 15:31, closed)

I couldn't live without a piss in the shower.
and it's good for athlete's foot (or is that bee stings?)
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Sun 27 Dec 2009, 16:25, closed)

I am fairly certain bee stings do nothing for athlete's foot
(Rutututu, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 6:11, closed)

Lady Barking never objects to my farts!
Hers are worse than mine, especially after sprouts and stuffing (or is that stuffing with sprouts)

Its her early warning radar system
(Sir Tainley Barking Ezekiel 23:20, Sun 27 Dec 2009, 17:05, closed)

i hope you don't share showers
otherwise i'll have to agree with her on the pissing issue.


(bloody hell i keep clicking the wong button!)
( ms morbo lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, Sun 27 Dec 2009, 19:15, closed)

Hot Gazpacho Soup?!
Is your wife Rimmer?

Also what's the big deal with pissing in the shower? Do people think they're going to get ill from possibly touching the tiniest amount of it?
Our immune systems are better than that!
(Ginger_Whinger got in the newsletter!! =D, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 2:19, closed)

Unless you have a urinary tract infection
Urine is pretty much sterile (well certainly no more germy than the rest of the inside of your body)

Excepting of course whats behind the barking spider. Thats a microbiological soup of unheard of proportions
(Sir Tainley Barking Ezekiel 23:20, Sat 2 Jan 2010, 22:45, closed)