Foreign Exchange
I've just been reminded of a nice social faux pas from an old school exchange student I was forced to endure the company of.

Jan was from a wealthy farmer family in Germany. His parents owned a stretch of land half the size of their town and naturally lived in the most lavish piece of German architecture available at the time. Visiting his family was quite awesome. Food was always available and I got to drive his Dad's tractor into a ditch and kill some small animals. For a poor lad from an estate it was ace.

And then Jan came to visit. As soon a he stepped off the coach and noticed the broken windows at my school you could sense his urge to run back into the coach and hide in the luggage compartment until the chauffeur arrived. Alas, all that waited for him was my family and our run down Ford.

Fortunately due to the German private school's insane budget for trips I didn't see much of Jan outside of the evenings. When he came back for dinner he was shocked to find that Tesco Value was a staple part of our diet and we didn't have the luxuries of supper and after-dinner coffee.

The problem with Jan's English is that he often chose the wrong word for situations without realising it (or at least we hoped). Upon arriving at the aforementioned chav-infested food warehouse Jan immediately enquired into where the peasant was kept. Honest enough mistake, but this was Tesco. You're lucky to find a chicken that isn't 17% water yet alone posh birds.

After we passed the sweet isles Jan immediately switched to tantrum mode, despite being 13 years old at the time. "Shockade!", he'd scream. Turns out Daddy always buys him all the 'shockade' he wants when they go shopping. We decipher that this means chocolate and allow him one of his choosing. He only takes a tin- a whole bloody tin- of Cadburys fucking Roses and lumbers me with a 10p Freddo.

Disgruntled, we arrived at the tills and had our items scanned through the beeping machine. And then comes the revelation which got my family escorted off the premises by a security:

"Foxy, where do they keep the nigger that packs the bags for us?"

So that's no weekly shop, no chocolate and a very awkward remaining few days. I still hope to this very day that he got his words mixed up. Posh twunt.
(FoxyBadger (try saying it backwards), Tue 14 Oct 2008, 16:19, 7 replies)

Unfortunately he didn't get mixed up.
From what I've seen they actually do call people the 'n' word.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 16:30, closed)

ShockAid
Sounds like a good name for a fundraiser.

Free cattleprods given out to - or inflicted on if they screw up - the parents of rowdy kids.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 16:41, closed)

Unfortunately...
... From what I've seen, most kids in Germany are spoilt little brats. Kids from the former DDR were better, but they've all grown up by now.
( Stevedix http://www.stevedix.de/blog, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 16:52, closed)

Sorry, I can't decipher it
What word was he supposed to be using instead?
(EuroSong I love horse meat: best of all the animals, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 16:56, closed)

Where do
Tesco keep their peasant?
(Waspard has your wank bank account details, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 19:01, closed)

In the washing powder aisle
- next to the Serf.
(richardm, Wed 15 Oct 2008, 12:06, closed)

Germans? Racist?
Shurely not.
( MisterPunch did it that way on, Wed 15 Oct 2008, 11:01, closed)