I have a tongue like a snake.


See?

Nobody would ever expect it, I mean, how often do you see someone's tongue?

I can move each side independently, identify different flavours simultaneously with each side (e.g. sugar and salt in a separate teaspoon) and pick up a champagne glass by the stem.
It's quite fun.

The missus can queef on demand, and she did it down the phone at my mum, but I still think I've got the better trick of the two of us.
(Irregular Joe last touched ham on, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 17:56, 31 replies)

I would love to get a tongue split but I can't even get my head around a tongue peircing : (

( girlinthehole, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 18:09, closed)

You probably don't need to by this stage
But why not get 'TWAT' tattooed across your face, you know for the avoidance of doubt.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 18:10, closed)

From this and your other replies
I assume you have 'reactionary, judgemental prick' on yours.
( chenobble rocking his explorer beard on, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 18:23, closed)

www.b3ta.com/links/560356
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 18:30, closed)

I doubt it very much
he's more dull cunt than reactionry prick, mainly just dull mind.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 19 Nov 2010, 19:00, closed)

www.b3ta.com/questions/protest/post968152
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 19:06, closed)

www.b3ta.com/questions/talent/post977991
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 19 Nov 2010, 19:11, closed)

You're upset again Ring of Fire
Being a furious prick and losing the ability to spell seem to go hand in glove with you. It’s time to hang your keyboard up for the day.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 19:32, closed)

I've never been able to spell
this being a message board rather than my CV I don't bother with spell check.

To be honest I find you slightly intriguing. This steady and unending flow of low level trolling. Is it performance art, anger with the world, your only form of entertainment?
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 19 Nov 2010, 19:48, closed)

There are various levels of internet upsettery
Rory demonstrates one of these.
( Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 20:02, closed)

I’m just tryin to help a brother out here
He’s ruled himself out of a proper job by this stage. But it doesn't end there, let’s say in twelve years time he has to pick Irregular Joe Jnr up from school, the other kids will beat the crap out of him and mock him for his dad believing that he’s 'Reptilian Man'. He needs a wake up call.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 20:08, closed)

All the thanks I get is to be called a cunt :(((((

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 20:09, closed)

Just scroll up for a second and look at his eyes
I don't know about you but I'm seeing alot of pain there. Comments like yours could push him over the edge, and god knows what he'd chop in half next.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 19 Nov 2010, 20:18, closed)

Oh God no, don't say that.
Like any 4chan regular, Rory would mock and encourage threats of internet suicide.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 20:23, closed)

Alrite Falstaff
Still dole?
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 20:27, closed)

And proud.

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 22:42, closed)

He looks more vacant than anything else
That's why he'll aim to be like this cunt www.thelizardman.com/
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 20:26, closed)

Fuck me
Isn't there anything better in your bag of tedium?
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Sat 20 Nov 2010, 12:55, closed)

He-
lllllooooooooo
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 18:22, closed)

Why would your misses queef down the phone at your ma', and why would you like that?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 18:25, closed)

No
You have a body of a homo sapian.

Shaved to perfection.

Keep away from my tubes / buses!
(Suck it and Sea, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 18:53, closed)

I've got to be honest, my first reaction
is 'Jesuschristfuckmetodeath' why would someone do that to themselves.

So, do tell. How's eating and talking and stuff with a chopped tounge piece. How was it for the first few weeks? Did it really hurt like a mother fucker?
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 19 Nov 2010, 18:54, closed)

What was it like? Hmm.
Gotta admit, it certainly hurt after the event.
The only similar thing I can describe getting it done being like is those resealable kitchen bags, almost like it was being unzipped, or non-tugging velcro being pulled apart.
Very odd, but surprisingly freeing, as it were..

The actual cutting wasn't bad, but the suture stitching was, shall we say, raw? Certainly the worst part, but nothing immensely HOLYFUCKINGAGONY or anything.

I think people expect something "exotic" like this to hurt like a motherfucker, but really, it was no worse than getting your ears pierced, no tears or anything.
I'd have honestly said that back when I had my nostril pierced it hurt as an acute pain much more than the tongue, only piercing that ever made me shed a tear! Reflex action, but like a fucking hornet sting it was!

The pain a couple of days later was pretty mank, like a bad hangover migraine. Nothing some ibuprofen wouldn't sort out, but somewhat uncomfortable.

Eating was difficult (read: nigh-on impossible) for the first week, drinking was ok on the day, but necessitated a straw afterwards to wait for the swelling to go down.

I was told in no uncertain terms to drink and smoke as much as regularly, as the shock of a lack of endorphins would affect the healing a lot worse than denying myself alcohol and nicotine.

Talking was actually pretty quick to come back, it was simple enough to make myself understood, if a bit slurred at first.

The only thing that was really odd was some clipped and harsh consonant sounds needed a complete relearning.
It wasn't like a Karate Kid training montage or anything, just a bit of practice. Sounds like a hard "Dh" as in dog, some "G" and "J" was awkward as well.
The only noticeable thing for me is how sometimes I make a different tongue shape to recreate certain sounds, like to say Dog I will hold the tongue more vertically than as normal where you would push it up against the back of your top teeth.

Nowadays, it's entirely normal, as in I don't even notice the split. If anything, it feels so natural that I've forgotten what it felt like before it happened..

Nobody ever notices it when I speak, etc, even if I say "lick a lot of yellow lollipops", my voice and speech are utterly identical as they were before it.

It's not affected my profession, employment prospects, etc in any way whatsoever, simply because nobody knows about it.. (I work in banking in the city, btw)
The only way anyone would ever know is if I stuck it out, as above..


For those who will inevitably BAWWWW, yes, I love hearing small-minded opinions, no, I honestly couldn't give a damn if you want to throw your toys out of the pram..

God knows I wouldn't want to become like the Lizardman or anyone that is more suited to a circus sideshow, I'm untattooed, dislike heavy metal and rock wankery, and the couple of piercings I have are hidden on the 9-5..

Tis all good in the hood.
(Irregular Joe last touched ham on, Sat 20 Nov 2010, 14:46, closed)

Woo! Good for you.
I for one am impressed.
( girlinthehole, Sat 20 Nov 2010, 18:44, closed)

Good shout Joe :)

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sat 20 Nov 2010, 21:09, closed)

Hang on,
is everyone assuming he had this done, rather than it being a birth defect?
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 19:01, closed)

I am

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 19 Nov 2010, 19:02, closed)

Yes
Apologies, we assume this isn't an apeloverage situation.
(Suck it and Sea, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 19:10, closed)

Yes.
Especially since he has other body mods visible. Also I'm not sure that's even a real birth defect.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 19:19, closed)

How intriguing!
It never occurred to me that someone with a split would be able to taste two things at the same time! I feel like I've learned a little bit today. ^-^
( vix0r was not Matthew on, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 22:36, closed)

That's it - I have seen everything
and can now die just as confused as I would have if I had never seen it.
( blyerkit e k trilby, Sat 20 Nov 2010, 1:20, closed)