The Honda Accord (*) Tax Disc of Justice
Well, if we’re doing correspondence...

Not so much sticking it to the man, more life conspiring to stick it to the man for me.

I got the first letter about six months after I bought my tax disc. The entire correspondence (which was pre email being used as the primary communication tool) took place over the following six months. Note: exact wording may have been changed.

Dear Ms Rakky,
It has come to our attention that during the purchase of your most recent vehicle tax disc, the moron at the post office charged you the incorrect amount for the disc. Thus we require you to return the disc to us immediately so that we can issue you with a new one, reflecting the correct price and send you the balance which you have over paid of £1.73.
Lots of love
The DVLA

Dear DVLA,
Gosh, thank you so much for bringing this to my attention. I would be happy to do so, but, could you please advise me? My car is parked on the street; removing the tax disc will mean that it will be sat there untaxed, I won’t be able to drive it until you issue the new disc and I don’t really want to incur the wrath of the Old Bill. What should I do about this?
Kisses
Rakky

Dear Ms Rakky,
Further to our previous correspondence it has come to our attention that you have not returned your tax disc as requested. Naughty naughty. Please do this immediately, or bad things will happen to you.
All the Best
The DVLA

Dear DVLA,
Hi again, thanks so much for getting back to me. See, the problem is, as I pointed out, if I send you my tax disc, I have no tax disc. Will your records show that my vehicle is taxed, but there is no disc? So if there is a problem with the police they’ll be able to see that it’s all fine? I really don’t know how this works. I have no problem complying with your request, I’d just like a bit of help. I tried calling your help line (you should really think about changing the name of it by the way, maybe to “Sitting on hold being shunted from department to department until you’re finally cut off line”, it would be more accurate.)
Take care now,
Rakky

Dear Ms Rakky,
Further to our previous correspondence it has come to our attention that you have not returned your tax disc as requested. We’re going to come round and put salt in your sugar bowl and read your diary and make a kitten wee on your pillow, just out of spite, because we don’t like evil little girls who don’t send their tax disc back we when ask them to.
Cheers
The DVLA

Dear DVLA,
Oh please don’t do that, I don’t want kitten wee on my nice fluffy pillow. See, I just want you to send me a piece of paper, like a letter, like the ones you keep sending me, saying that you’re replacing the disc. I don’t think that’s a lot to ask, really. I just really don’t want my car parked on the street without a disc, nor do I want to be pulled over for driving a car with no tax disc visible. I got pulled over by a shouty policeman once before, I didn’t like it and it made me a bit scared, so I’d prefer it not to happen again. I’m a very law abiding person and I’m really only asking for some advice here. I tried phoning again, but a welsh lady answered and gave me another number to call and when I called it made that screechy fax machine noise so I called her back but it’s been engaged for 3 days – do you think she may have left the phone off the hook or fallen and not been able to get up? I hope she's okay...
Anyway, hope you’re enjoying the sunshine!
Rakky

Dear Ms Rakky,
Send us your tax disc or we’ll have you deported. To Iran. Where your sort belong.
Warmest Wishes
The DVLA

Dear DVLA
Please find enclosed my tax disc as requested. Sorry if it’s a bit crispy round the edges. My car got nicked by a bunch of chavs in Bristol and was found as a burnt out shell in Hartcliffe, so I’ve had to have it scrapped. Ironically, this happened on the day before I went to buy a new tax disc as this one was about to expire. Isn’t life funny like that, eh? Don’t worry, I’ve done all the paperwork and I guess I won’t need this disc anymore. Anyway, you can call off the ninja kittens now.
It’s been a rollercoaster and I’ll miss our chats.
Rakky

I got a cheque for £1.73 in the post a week later. I spent it on pop and crisps.

(*) Actually a Vaxhaull Nova, but let's face it, no one ever shagged a supermodel or did massive drugs in one of those.
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 13:33, 26 replies)

bristol chavs
are a bunch of twunts

hope you managed to replace the nova with an accord
( zulu eh?, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 13:39, closed)

all
chavs are a bunch of twunts...especially bristol ones.
(tb2571989 dies at precisely, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 13:46, closed)

Ah, the old Ed-209 school of thought.
You have twenty seconds to comply.
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 13:40, closed)

Oh that is quite superb.
*clicks furiously*
(Bazongaloid, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 13:41, closed)

^What she said^

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 14:06, closed)

Thanks

(Bazongaloid, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 14:09, closed)

*Clicks*

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 18 Jun 2010, 13:45, closed)

Actauly 've done both of those thigns in my old Vaxhaull Nova.
Sex space? Move the passenger seat as far back as poss and while the lady reclines in it you kneel the footwell.

Drugs? yes please.
( Crap Little Monkey Deathstar, so good they built it twice, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 13:47, closed)

Heard locally
that the DVLA might be making a few budget cuts.

I'm assuming they are called the DV now.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 14:01, closed)

This really ought to win.
Why do we need to display a tax disc, anyway? The disc itself is only a receipt to serve as evidence for payment, and I can't think of any other aspect of life in which we have to prove that we've done what the law requires: it's usually up to the DPP or tax authorities to prove that we haven't.

Besides, it's all stored electronically - so, assuming they can read your numberplate, it ought to be possible to check everything's in order...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 14:09, closed)

Not having
a tax disc is an offence. Not displaying one, or displaying it incorrectly????, are seperate offences.

Daft...but true sadly.
(dchurch bah, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 14:15, closed)

Yep.
But it doesn't explain why.

Granted, you might be daft to throw out the disc - as I said, it's proof of payment - but I'd've thought that it's the payment that matters and is the proper object of legal concern...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 14:18, closed)

that has always baffled me as well
I suspect it's because the cretins at the DVLA are incapable of actually using their computer system
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 14:26, closed)

But that's their problem, not ours.
Also, they check that your insurance and MOT are up-to-date while you're renewing: it's odd that they can be so efficient in those areas, but not their own...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 14:32, closed)

It's only recently
that you have had all insurance and MOT data on one database though, before that you always had to take a copy of your MOT and insurance to the post office when renewing your tax disc.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 14:44, closed)

Agree totally.
It makes no sense at all to have to display a disc - especially since the advent of ANPR in cars etc...

Sadly though, I suspect the DVLA (Captia again?) are so twisted up in their own importance and the 'reliability' of their database that they can never outwardly show any uncertainty - despite knowing that (apparently - this was the DM) they fuck up around 40% of the time.

I'm not one to usually believe a word that rag says, but I must say, I don't think I've ever had anything but trouble when I'm involved with the DVLA.

I used to try and do the 'right thing' by the DVLA, but they get worse every time. I had my V5 form refused when trying to give them money (road tax) because it was a V5c and not a V5d (apparently there had been untold TV adverts telling us that they would send one out and that if we didn't get it to get in touch with them - nice, if you have a TV...which I don't), I had my motorcycle entitlement 'stolen', nicked for not SORNing a car I told them I sold some years before - twice! The list goes on.

Now, I register my car elsewhere, and buy tax each year the 'old' way.
(dchurch bah, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 14:51, closed)

I can't help but feel you must bring this trouble on yourself
since you seem incapable of interacting with any large organisation without them allegedly causing you trouble.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 14:52, closed)

Perhaps...
...although, all I'm trying to do is live my life without interference from all these fuckers that generally want money.

I don't see how my employer giving me a contract with the wrong date of payment in was my fault (and that ended up withe me suing banks), or how the DVLA lost my motorcycle entitlement, or them not sending the updated V5 form for my new car etc... was my fault in any way.

I mean, Christ, even the bloody council were trying to charge me council tax for two properties at the same time, despite me having obviously moved from one place to the other. That took 9 letters, a graph and my MP to sort out. I told them of my impending move before I left the last place. I'm not sure what else a person is supposed to do.

I honestly wish they'd all just fuck off and let me get on with it - every bloody week some cnut and his mate is poking his nose into my business. Maybe it's just the way England is, but I've fucking had enough of it.

Perhaps it's my name.
(dchurch bah, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 14:56, closed)

I was thinking along these lines.
I've never had any experience of any administrative cock-up, and don't quite understand how things can go so wrong for other people.


I also realise that I've just jinxed myself, and will probably get home this evening to find my house replaced by a zoo.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 15:10, closed)

If this happens
can you please send me a photo.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 15:11, closed)

No.
My camera's in said house, and I daren't fight the ocelots.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 15:15, closed)

True
they'll fuck you right up.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 15:18, closed)

Fuck me
I get nothing but.

To the point where I'm scared to go to a petrol station in case they charge me for the pump behind mine.

I do have an extrememly common name though, which may explain some of it.

Indeed, my mothers' wages were paid into an account of a girl that I used to work with with the same name.
You'd think that something like a unique account number would eradicate errors like that wouldn't you?

It does only seem to be large organisations though - smaller firms seem to get it right more often than not.
(dchurch bah, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 15:15, closed)

without wanting to sound smugger than usual
I very rarely have the problems that seem to plague most

I've been having a few issues with my virgin tv recently, and have had to phone them a few times and get engineers out a couple of times.

Every call I've made has gone straight through to an operator, who, while indian, has been understandable and helpful. The engineers have been booked for within the next few days each time, at a time that suited me and they have been prompt.

on top of that, they have fixed the problem completely.

don't know what people complain about....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 15:53, closed)

I think its to do with the first letter of your last name
i have always been at the beginning of the alphabet (B or C) and don't get trouble but a friend is always having problems and she is at the end W.
(Bernardate, Sun 20 Jun 2010, 17:17, closed)

Click
because I used to be one of those morons at the post office. I hated every fucking second of it.
( His Popiness the Hole Invaded Poland on, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 23:17, closed)

Massive drugs are difficult to take -
they block your nasal passage.

[/coat]
(joe is troubled Got all married and teh stuffs, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 22:02, closed)