Cane=Broken!
This may have a slightly roasted smell from a reply. Just think if search=fixed I'd be able to confirm it.

I went to an "elite" all boys Anglican boarding school (couldn't you just tell!). Square peg, round hole and all that.
Anyhoo one Saturday in yr. 7 I'm practicing my tennis by hitting up against a wall. I've been there for about halfa in plain view pounding my forehands & getting in some volleys. One of the house-masters sons comes down with his racquet and sits watching me. Let's call him "spoiltshit".
A little background here - the housemaster (Mr. B) lives with his wife and two sons in a semi-detached house near the boarding house. The boys attend the school fee-free and his missus has a cracking set and a nice pair of pins that she *always* kept sheathed in the most intricate and delightful stockings. The old boy was a fat, sadistic, alcoholic cunt.

While I'm hitting, the son pipes up that "I want to have a go.", I politely point out that within spitting distance there are a number of walls of equal or bigger area free, including a massive 2 court-wide by 20ft. high retaining wall at the tennis courts specifically set aside for practice. Then I hit one wide and my ball skitters off around the corner.
When I get back from having retrieved it I find spoiltshit having a hit. "Oi! I was here first." says I. "Nick off or I'll tell my dad on you." says he. In for a penny I figure so I advance telling where to go. He swings at me with his racquet. As any polite Australian gentle-fellow would do I respond by giving him a little bop on the schnoz with my fist. He runs off crying with blood streaming out of his nose threatening all sorts of recriminations. I go back to having a hit and carry on for the next half an hour or so before heading back to the boarding house.
For the pacifists - yes I should've just taken another spot but the fact that he swung 1st, and tried to "hide" behind his father's authority was just my red rag.

Upon my return to the boarding house I am informed that Mr. B. (the housemaster) is looking for me and I am to report to his office immediately. Oh well.
He demands to know why I've hit his son. I tell him exactly what transpired. He counters with a story where his son is the protagonist and I hit him with my tennis racquet. Figures. He then tells me to drop my kekks & lean over the desk as he got out his cane (this was clearly not the first time I had received "6 of the best".)
Another little back ground segue - it was at this time that the topic of corporal punishment was being hotly debated in parliament & the community and it was very soon after that thrashing that it was banned in all private and government schools. I was very aware of this as my job was to deliver the papers in the morning which meant I always had a chance to have a good read before breakfast.
As I was trying not to clench my bum cheeks for the last swing (that always made the welts and bruising worse) he gives an almighty swing, the cane breaks on my arse and the end of it goes flying in front of me, out the window.

I happily stood up, adjusted my pants and informed him that legally that was probably the last time he'd ever be able to do that to me. It was.
I actually became quite good friends with spoiltshit's younger brother - we still keep in touch. And many a teenaged wank involved Mrs. B's lovely cleavage and/or garter belt and stockings.

tl;dr?
I played tennis, got in trouble at school and fantasized about my housemaster's wife.
Length?
It was a 26" tennis racquet from memory.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 9 Feb 2013, 23:42, 9 replies)

Beat up a child, had a wank over an older woman's tits,
and single-handedly brought an end to corporal punishment in Oz schools.
This is the stuff of /qotw legend, and I salute you for it!
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 10 Feb 2013, 10:32, closed)

Cheers.
No Honda Accords were harmed during the writing of this /qotw post.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 10 Feb 2013, 11:19, closed)

Never heard it called that before...
...."pounding my forehands...."
(Barnetboy, Sun 10 Feb 2013, 14:09, closed)

Never heard it called that before
"square peg in a round hole..."
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Sun 10 Feb 2013, 15:19, closed)

A boy's boarding school ?
I've been told that's how it feels.
(Barnetboy, Sun 10 Feb 2013, 15:44, closed)

What quaint patois.
Is it based on English?
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 11 Feb 2013, 14:50, closed)

I think the fact that you are having trouble
understanding my post may reflect more on your poor reading skills and inability to properly comprehend written pieces.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 11 Feb 2013, 22:51, closed)

Of eight? Oh arrr!

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 11 Feb 2013, 23:22, closed)

Shiver your timbers indeed!

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 12 Feb 2013, 5:57, closed)