Bastard Parents
My mother and father are bungling, throwing away, incompetent, shit blankets.

I have had a whole load of stuff either chucked away by my dad, or ‘tidied’ away by my mother. She then forgets that she has tidied it away and then openly questions my sanity as to whether or not I possessed it. In one situation I was forced to find a picture to show her that I used to have it. She still didn’t believe that she’d tidied it away.

Good stuff I have had ‘tidied’away.

- A signed copy of HR Giger’s Necronomicon. This is fucking priceless nowadays.

Mum: ‘looked scary and cheap and I never saw you reading it.’

- A rare numbered Viz mug that I won in a competition. It went missing, presumed lost. Later I found it, minus its handle, in my dad’s toolshed, full of dirty paint brushes.

- My Neo Geo cd with about 10 games. Arrrrrgh! This cost me fucking £400 just for the console never mind the games!

Mum: ‘well I was clearing out your room and I thought that the charity shop would like it’.

Me: ‘how can a charity shop like anything, it’s a shop! Arrrrgh!

- My entire mint condition boxed transformers collection!

Mum: ‘well that nice lady down the road came for lunch and brought her little boy – he had a great time playing with your little robots and I said that he could have them. You are a little bit old for them now.

Me: Mum! I am twelve!

- My collection of Viz comics from 3-48. As soon as I was told that my dad had taken them down to the car boot sale with him, I raced down there and tried to take them back. My dad made me fucking pay 10p each to have them back! The fucking cheek!

- Countless, countless books. My dad is like a magpie when it comes to books. Since he has retired, he reads voraciously and goes down to the second hand bookshops to buy and trade. If I don’t nail a book down when I visit my parents, he will have it to trade at an unfavourable 2:1 ratio with the man who owns the book store, ‘Hissing’ Sid.

- A car! A fucking car! My next door neighbours once wanted to get rid of an old banger, and said that I could have it. I was 16, it was an amazing opportunity. I was away on holiday at the time, but when I got back, erm, no car. Mum: oh we didn’t like the car cluttering up the drive and besides, you haven’t passed your test yet.’

Me: MUM, I AM 17 NEXT MONTH! WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE CAR?

Mum: oh we gave it back to the people next door, and they gave it to the boy down the road, you know, he had your transformers…’

Me: ARRRRRRGH!
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Mon 18 Aug 2008, 16:04, 9 replies)

My brother has the Benny Hill theme tune
set as the ringtone for his boss. Good way of keeping a smile on your face when the arsehole calls.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Mon 18 Aug 2008, 16:10, closed)

*click*
Not for you, for your Dad, making you pay the best part of a fiver for your own mags.
(JohabMorelli is spenging merrily away, Mon 18 Aug 2008, 17:31, closed)

see if the lad down the road
wants to swap parents.
also, i love the term "incompetent shit blankets"
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 18 Aug 2008, 18:06, closed)

You mum gave away your NeoGeo?
Cock and cunt are the only words that can be used here.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 18 Aug 2008, 20:20, closed)

sorry
but your parents are utter, utter cunts.

I'd have sued.
(baz, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 5:27, closed)

Signed copy of Necronomicon.
This makes me very sad. :(
(TheHBoxster is probably playing Beatles Rock Band on, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 6:52, closed)

This makes me very very........
..........angry, parents are rubbish!!!
(ickledoozer last played ball-in-a-cup on, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 10:39, closed)

"My entire mint condition boxed transformers collection!"
Mint? Boxed?

Shame on you - toys are for playing with!

You didn't deserve them, clearly. And so the ToyGod made sure they were not wasted.
(haberman is singing in the changes, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 15:22, closed)

^
I did play with them! I just kept them in the boxes and didn't try to break them or cover them with jam like Nigel from across the block.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Tue 19 Aug 2008, 19:20, closed)