Mine is
the time when I was wandering through a small wood alone... not lost, just enjoying being alone with my thoughts, when suddenly I felt an almighty grumble as the vindaloo from last night caught up with me... Getting back to my primal instincts I found a nice secluded area and dropped trou - surrounded only by a few trees... I enjoyed that experience that only the trees and I would ever know.

Funny thing is it happened again a few months later when I was visiting the black forest in Germany, not a small wood this time though, this time I was surrounded by hundreds of acres of trees, That was my 'most tree-shared poo session' to date. I think I'd like to go in a larger forest next time.

Length? Well the bigger (forest) was better, and with trees its more about girth.

First QOTW-A pun? Questionable actions from a noob...
(Mr Alexander si rsdawkcab, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:20, 1 reply)

Mine are
Kids
Wife
Dog

Oh and my ipod

*not necessarily in that order*
(Tom Jones's Mojo Hasn't had any since, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:09, Reply)

Very serious now. Ssh.
I was listening to the news about that poor lad who got stabbed to death in London, and how his mates were all in bits about it and really upset and everything. Then I wondered, what if he was a b3tan? How would we know if he was? Would they announce his b3taname on the news, so we would know? What if one of us bought it all of a sudden? Would the rest of us feel shunned and rejected, ignorant of the sad truth?

Or is it just because I don't see other b3tans face-to-face, and you're all in a big room together having a party with cake and booze and sex?

I got all worried for quite a while about this.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 14 May 2008, 16:58, 78 replies)

If we're going down that road...
The various forest inhabitants were feeling ugly. Their bark was mossy and dirty and they were looking old. Then a cosmetically trained squirrel suggested some deep cleansing. At first, the trees were dubious but they were soon convinced and undertook a session of...

Tree Sured Pore Sessions
(frankspencer, Wed 14 May 2008, 16:56, 1 reply)

Responsibility is mine
Of many things, the one I am most proud of is when I once took ownership of the monumental task of moving a large County Show parade to that lovely city of Chester.

This remains my most Cheshired Procession.
(sombre, Wed 14 May 2008, 16:53, Reply)

Attachment is the path to the dark side..
Fear of loss leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to... DEATH METAL!! lml :D

I don't really have anything that I would run into a fire to get. Obviously I would for my friends and/or pets but I don't really have some 'thing' so special it couldn't be replaced.

Don't get me wrong; I would be beyond pissed off if my flat burnt down (as long as it wasn't my fault :P) and lost my bass guitar, my TV, Xbox & PC etc.

I've had PCs go wrong so many times I've lost count and I've learnt that its sometimes a good thing to be forced to start from scratch and learn from your mistakes.

Guess I’m not as sentimental as other people.
(ldwater otherwise known as a 'jive turkey', Wed 14 May 2008, 16:51, Reply)

Another sentimental one...
wasn't sure whether to post this, but what the hey..

My dad died nearly 20 years ago, before video recorders were affordable to the masses. Most of our visual reminders are, therefore, photographs.

Except for one, a three or four minute clip, taken at a family wedding just weeks before he died. It shows me and my dad, both half-pissed, boogying like loonies to "Brown Eyed Girl". The song he used to sing to me to embarrass me when I was a tiny witch. He's chucking me around the dance floor like a rag doll in the wackiest jive session ever.

Even now, I can't watch that clip without nearly flooding the place. Half tears of grief, half tears of laughter. My dad wasn't the type to make an arse of himself in public (mum was another story!) so the fact that he'd let go so completely is very unusual.

I think I'd try to grab the tape that's on - although various family members have copies and I don't even have a video recorder to play it on. Must get someone clever to transfer it to DVD one of these days, so I can show my girls. Then sing that song to them!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 14 May 2008, 16:44, 3 replies)

right now
I'd save annie, she doesnt feel the same way, but if i saved her she would at least owe me a courtesy lay?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 14 May 2008, 16:44, 10 replies)

Teletubbies are bastards
Those with a low pun-threshold might wish to look away now...

You might think that the Teletubbies are harmless, cutesy (if irritating) little bundles of fluff and oddly shaped antennae. However, most people don’t know that it was all an act for the cameras. Likewise, it’s a closely guarded secret that Po suffered from epilepsy, much to the delight of Laa Laa, Dipsy and Tinky Winky, the malevolent little bastards. Poor little Po would have fits on an almost daily basis, and the others would just stand and point and laugh. In fact, they positively looked forward to the times when their little red friend would collapse to the ground, shaking and frothing. On occasion, they would set their stomach-based TV sets to static in a bid to bring on an attack.

I guess you could say that they treasured Po’s seizurin's.

*Spangs self before anyone else does*

Yes, seizurin's is probably a made up word, but I don’t care

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 14 May 2008, 16:40, 12 replies)

Boring...
If I were living at my parents house, I'd grab the fileserver. Has photos from the last eight years or so from my dad, brother and me on it, all my parents financial information for their businesses, and documents for the whole family spanning an even longer time period. There's also the music etc, but that is all easily replaceable. It's all reasonably safe at the moment thanks to hardware RAID, but that isn't going to help if there's a fire. Time for a backup server I think...

If I was at my house, I don't think I'd really worry about anything bar myself and housemates. I'd grab my laptop if I could, but everything there is of financial value, and insured.
(Merrep, Wed 14 May 2008, 16:40, Reply)

Me.
That's it.

Just me.

If the building I live in was going up in flames the last thing I'd be worried about is material possessions. I'd be thinking about choking on smoke, burning to death, the building collapsing on me. I'd just get the hell out as fast as possible. After all, what's a photo or an ancient book worth if you're not alive to enjoy it?
(Belgaer is, Wed 14 May 2008, 16:11, 3 replies)

This has made me rather paranoid now...
I think I may one day have to buy a nice box, and in it put the things I treasure most. This means if there were ever a fire, I'd grab the box and hey presto, I'll be sorted.

Obviously I won't be putting my budgie in this box as she would not be happy with me, but she'd be the first thing I'd nab to cart away from a burning inferno.

In this box though I would have all my diaries. I write every so often so they contain thoughts and moments from life that I'd like to remember incase one day I lose my mind when turning ancient.

I would also put in the letters my mister has written me since we've known each other. They're full of adventures such as the time he travelled to Devon with Dir en Grey, the Japanese band, where they fought bomber man and wove me stripey socks from a pirate's back hair.

I am also planning to buy a wee flash drive to stick all my digital photos on plus other important digital stuffs, and would put this plus some real photos in there too.

Then there's the obvious like purse, little laptop and passport which I'd stick in while running around going "aaaaaaagh, fire!"
( vix0r was not Matthew on, Wed 14 May 2008, 15:59, Reply)

Good old Grandad
I think I would definately try to save my grandfather's pearl handled 'SS' service luger, his Einsatzgruppen 'SS' uniform, his Aryan 'SS' service underpants'....

I lack the werewithal to continue to be perfectly honest.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Wed 14 May 2008, 15:58, Reply)

Oh! Just thought of another one, and it's a bit disgusting:
My front teeth.

You see, I lost them in a bike crash a few years ago (which hampered my dreams of getting back into playing the sax), and now I have plastic ones which I take out at night. And when they're not in, I have a comedy 'lifp'.

Trying to explain to the fire brigade that my house is burning down whilst not being able to speak properly would be a bit difficult.
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Wed 14 May 2008, 15:55, 1 reply)

I would save
the usual things like external hard drive, my pretty impresive dvd collection, photos, music...those kinda things. but more importantly all the things my girlfriend has given me. all the letters she wrote to me. the train tickets to and from hers. the little bear she gave me when she was little. all the things that make me smile when i look at them :)

either that or the bitchin' hat i got the other day :D
...well it does says keep away from fire



length and girth? the label says one size fits all.
yay for first post!
(hotfuzz, Wed 14 May 2008, 15:51, Reply)

How could I forget...
I'd save my vinyl EP of 'Old Fassioned Christmas' performed AND autographed by none other than Madge and Harold Bishop.

I think its one of the worst songs I've ever heard. I sometimes wonder how much I'd get for it on Ebay. I don't think I'd accept any less than £7,500
(Errorist, Wed 14 May 2008, 15:47, 3 replies)

a tricky one
My MP3 player which was given to me by boyfriend for my 21st birthday. I am a great lover of music especially classic rock.
Also I have teddy bears that have been bought for me at different stages so they are irreplaceable.
I also like a lot of other people would rescue my external hard drive because it has all of my photos on and the entire of my boyfriend and my music collection.
(Nahla, Wed 14 May 2008, 15:30, 3 replies)

cherry stones and goldfish
When i was a little Spimf I loved to potter around the garden at my grandmothers. She had a beautiful garden with wild brambles, a goldfish pond and a lovely old cherry tree at the bottom of the lawn. God I loved that tree. The cherries are still to this day the best thing i have ever tasted. Nothing beats spitting cherry stones into a goldfish pond on a sunny day when you are 8 years old. One day i was most interested to see Archie, the old gardener chap, who had a face like leather with heavily lined scrunched up eyes from the ever present roll-up that wafted smoke in his craggy face. Archie was slowly pumping pressure into on old fashioned brass plant-spray canister. His arms were as brown as chestnuts and had faded old Navy tattoos dotted all over them from his exploits around the world.

Ever the inquisitive child, i asked brightly what he was up to. Archie looked wearily down at me smiled and took a puff of his roll-up, this made it bob up and down but still remained firmly fixed to his bottom lip.

"Trees got moss son, needs to be sprayed."

"Why" i asked.

Old Archie explained it kept the tree fresh and free from moss - a bit like spraying deodorant under your arms.

This stuck with me.

A few weeks later my Gran came out to the garden to see me merrily spraying away at the ancient old cheery tree with a can of 'Sure' deodorant pinched from the bathroom. She wasn't angry with me she knew too how much i loved that old tree. In fact, it was my moss tree Sured possession.

.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 14 May 2008, 15:15, 10 replies)

pun fun
Not so long ago, my mortal being was taken over by the spirit of Blackbeard the pirate. He made me cover my entire body in gold trinkets, coins and gemstones.

That was my most treasured possession.
(frankspencer, Wed 14 May 2008, 15:15, 3 replies)

I have a book on necromancy
written in the late 1800s when such things were all the rage. I studied it in detail and found that much of the Dark Arts do have a strange internal consistency to them, a blend between logic and intuition. Fascinating stuff, really.

One night during the new moon when it was as dark as can be I set up my work space out in the woods. Candles at the four quarters, large candle on the altar, incense burning, a small charcoal brazier for burning offerings... I wove a spell of great complexity and power. I cast forth my spirit through the night to take control of he who was my target.

You can see the results here.

And that, my friends, is my most treasured possession.

(Contains less than 1% Fact.)
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 14 May 2008, 14:54, 3 replies)

I've been giving this some thought
Flute. It's in a carry case with the piccolo strapped to the side, so I can sling that over my shoulder.

Two files full of my life's details: they have my certificates, photos, exam results, premium bond numbers, health records, and tax details. If I were to lose either file, it would be most inconvenient.

A coat. I'm not stupid enough to stand too close to a burning house, just to keep warm whilst waiting for the fire brigade.

My Iron Maiden shoes. I'd slip them on to run outside in.

Phone, keys, wallet, oyster card.

If I can carry anything other than all of that, I'd be extremely impressed with myself.

So, if you see a young lady standing outside a house wearing: Iron Maiden shoes, a floor-length scarlet coat with some keys and a wallet etc poking out of the pocket, carrying two battered files full of paper, with a flute slung over her shoulders, please come and say hello. But don't get burnt.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:52, 2 replies)

Have i missed something
Or are there no crap puns on for this QOTW

Whats going on!
( KISS.ME.WHERE.I.POO Signed the sex offenders register on, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:26, 8 replies)

Probably a bit sappy...
...but I'd save one photograph and one camcorder tape. These small items represent two very rare occasions in which my dear, late mother allowed herself to be captured on film (negative body image, y'see). She died in 2004 at the frankly preposterous age of 52, and I miss her a great deal.

One of these days I'll get around to transferring that tape to DVD, but the thought of watching it, seeing her and hearing her voice, breaks my heart. Problem is, I don't trust anyone else to do the job. I'll do it one day, it's just too soon right now.

Not interested in clickies so much this week. Just wanted to say it out loud.
(Orin delurked to post this gibberish on, Wed 14 May 2008, 13:23, 8 replies)

A treasured moment
I have several pets at my house- the Jack Russell terrorist, the stoned-looking old Siamese cat, the Big Black Fluffy Thing who terrorizes the terrorist, and a cockateil.

This morning as I was having my coffee I looked out the back door and watched the Big Black Fluffy Thing walking across the yard with her customary swagger, as befits the Queen of the Realm.

As she crossed one open stretch a bluejay divebombed her. She leaped about two feet into the air and landed with a WTF face, and was divebombed again. She then abandoned all dignity and ran like hell for the back porch and hid under a chair. The bluejay followed her back and perched on the porch railing and scolded her, being the cheeky little bastard that he was.

I opened the door and launched the Jack Russell, and the bluejay took off in all haste. I let the Big Black Fluffy Thing in and informed her, "You just got told."

I suspect she's still nursing her wounded pride.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 14 May 2008, 13:22, 7 replies)

Bugger!
I was going to post a picture I've saved for nearly 20 years. It's a drawing I did for advertising a room for rent with me and my pals when I was at polytechnic and I did silly little characatures of us all. Unfortunatly I can't seem to get my head round the technique of shrinking the damn thing to fit on here.

Anyhoo! it's not particularly well drawn or well put together but i've kept it this long and i'm damn sure i'm not going to let a fire get at it.
( girlinthehole, Wed 14 May 2008, 13:17, Reply)

What I'd like to know is..
If somebody dies in a house fire, do they get a discount at the crematorium?
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 14 May 2008, 12:45, 2 replies)

bindun?
My favourite posession is....

My daughter.

Signed, Josef Fritzl
(Miggyman, Wed 14 May 2008, 11:47, 12 replies)

If my house was on fire I'd be completely
f*cked.




Signed,

A. Snail
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 14 May 2008, 11:40, 15 replies)