We warned him. But did he listen?
≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈
Wavy lines.

Our young hero is sharing a flat in the pub/nightclub district with 2 beautiful sisters - Madge and Morgana. Things are great - Mandrake (Mandy as in Patinkin), the elder sister's boyfriend works away in "Kal" and has a lovely habit of turning up on the doorstep every few weeks with a shit-load of pot and a few nice cartons/bottles of piss.
Madge, the older girl is a design student and spends a lot of her spare time baking "special" choc-banana cakes for when myself and her younger sister (Morgs) arrive home from our respective day jobs.

Anyhoo... Madge and Mandy decide to tie the knot. Sweet - lots of pissups, a wedding with lots of her attractive friends and best of all Mandy and I get to spend more time "bloke-ing it up". Mandy leaves it to a couple of his mates to organise the bucks do. Which they decide to do the night before the nuptials.
I take Mandy aside one pissy Friday night - "I don't want to piss in your pocket in any way, shape or form but..." I tell him. Doing his stag-night the night before he gets hitched is bad on so many levels.
Least of all, all the blokes under 50 will most likely be still pissed or hungover. Then there's the shenanigans.
Now Madge and Mandy are by no means traditional and Madge understands that there is a certain level of shenanigans to take place (at least the same amount that might have happened at her hens night a week before the wedding). But and it is a big one - Madge want's Mandy to turn up sane and sober on his wedding day. I had my doubts that Mandy's mates were going to comply.

On the night we got very, very, very drunk. I once again warned Mandy about the 'night before the morning after' issues. Which fell on deaf ears. I left them at a late night sushi bar eating raw fish off the bits of a lady that some people suggest smell like raw fish.

I got woken up (fuzzily) about 0600 with a reverse charges call from Mandy from Kalgoorlie. Apparently he'd passed out and his 'mates' had stripped him and managed to bundle him onto the Overlander on its late night run into the middle of fucking no-where.

I bought a ticket for the early morning train from Kal and woke up the girls. I told Madge that Mandy had been taped to a lamp pole and had a hiccup with the cops, and that he'd crashed at a mate's that I knew but no one was 'driveble' to drop him off for at least a couple of hours.
Madge and Mandy only *just* managed to get married by their celebrant on time.

The knife twist.
I got all Mandy's mates to sign a card. I also charged the ticket to Madge's card (it was the only credit card we had in the house - given to her by her parents "for emergencies"). I got the bill for the ticket and put it in the card from Mandy's mates.

Some might say a small mercy.
Me I still say - if you're dumb enough to get married the day after your bucks night, expect the unexpected you stupid motherfucker!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 21 Jul 2013, 9:35, 21 replies)

don't take this as a compliment,
but it is now possible to identify you from the first few words of stultifying prose in your posts.

take 60 valium and 75cl vodka and see me in the morning.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Sun 21 Jul 2013, 10:26, closed)

It's a good thing though, it means we immediately know not to bother reading any of it.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 21 Jul 2013, 11:03, closed)

& yet here you are commenting.
COOL INDIFFERENCE RIGHT HERE.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 21 Jul 2013, 11:26, closed)

Janet, I don't want to take
your maintenance dose.

I'm good with some orange & passion-fruit juice and some mineral water thnx.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 21 Jul 2013, 11:29, closed)

i don't drink, and i don't take valium.
although your posts make maintaining that difficult.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Sun 21 Jul 2013, 13:26, closed)

And to think I could end up being
credited with improving you demeanor!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 21 Jul 2013, 21:53, closed)

maybe thats where you're going wrong

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 12:53, closed)

What do you mean, "now"?

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 21 Jul 2013, 15:10, closed)

it's a fair cop.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Sun 21 Jul 2013, 15:28, closed)

I managed the first 20 words or so,
but the sense that my soul was being knifed to death prevented me reading any further.


Christ, man, I don't even have a soul. You've managed to sap all the joy out of something that doesn't even exist. I suppose that that's an achievement of sorts.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Sun 21 Jul 2013, 17:50, closed)

what's the bet Ringo's new best mates will return the favour and stand up for him in this thread?
current odds: 20/1
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 21 Jul 2013, 21:36, closed)

Look!
It's Dull and Dullard!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 21 Jul 2013, 21:54, closed)

Dull, duller, dullest.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Sun 21 Jul 2013, 22:28, closed)

& bitchtits makes 4?

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 21 Jul 2013, 23:29, closed)

Stop nicking the dullest of dullards,
And I did have bitch tits, then I joined a gym and now I have manly pectorals.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 11:55, closed)

poidh.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 22 Jul 2013, 12:25, closed)

What exactly do you want pics of, before or after?
Anyho', I am not providing you with wank fodder.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 14:25, closed)

Great post.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 21 Jul 2013, 23:07, closed)

Touche!

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 21 Jul 2013, 23:28, closed)

I'm sort of in two minds about this.
On the one hand, I find the constant sniping at Ringo rather dull.

On the other, it's not as dull as his posts.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 9:16, closed)

Schizophrenia
RIGHT HERE!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 22 Jul 2013, 12:12, closed)

I am impressed with you reading ability.
You should keep trying so you can improve even more.

I might find a different site to practice with tho - many of the posts here are too short, pointless and repetitive.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 21 Jul 2013, 21:56, closed)

Can you practice writing instead? Can you really, really practice writing, preferably somewhere where I won't have to read it?
(cs1ca, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 13:14, closed)

TA:DR.
Too Australian:Didn't Read.
(FartThroughAWalkieTalkie wished you were dead in ditch on, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 8:16, closed)

A true Aussie wouldn't have bothered to post that.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 22 Jul 2013, 10:10, closed)

Too many 'M's.

(SSSSSSSSSS, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 21:12, closed)