a bunch of us
went to a rock night at a club the other day for my friend andy's birthday. me and him had a spectacular amount to drink but both held it together until getting back to mine (a few people were staying over as i had an empty house) anyways, we imbibed a great deal of water to try and stop the sickness before it started. it didnt worjk however and i had to go and use the kitchen sink as someone was in the bathroom. andy then sat calmly in an armchair and explained that the water had obviously worked as he no longer felt sick. then he projectiled a long stream of vomity water across my living room. grinned foolishly at me and said, oh dont worry about that, its only water. uh-huh, thanks man
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 0:20, Reply)

And from that moment, we spoke of it as the wrap-around vomit
It was a summer in the mid nineties and the last of our group of friends had just turned 18. As you do, we went out for a night on the turps (in Hobart (Tasmania)). As you can imagine, things get a little quiet so we decided to go for a drive in the country and maybe have a spot of cow tipping (The roads are quieter than the bars, so there's not too much of a problem driving when you're mashed).

Anyways, about 10 minutes into the journey ('twas about 3am), my mate (let's call him Pete, he was in the back seat) decides he needs to spew.

Instead of telling us to pull over, Pete unrolled his window and let fly. I'm sure a physicist could explain this, but somehow the spew flew back into the car and formed a beautiful cyclone before falling to the floor when Pete closed his window.

We all decided to go straight home afterwards. In silence.
( gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 0:18, Reply)

I never
go to McDonalds usually, but I was out with a few mates and I was pretty much press ganged into going. I ordered the big mac and chips and forced them down. On the way home, it was still rolling in my gut, so I decided to get rid. I didn't want it in the first place after all. I then proceeded to bring up something resembling a monstrous two foot long turd in shape and consistancy. I was straining so hard to bring it up that I burst blood vessels in my eyes and cheeks. Not funny.

Also when I was at university, I decided that for the house Christmas party I would try those super strength tramp beers. I blanked out after the fourth. What was disturbing was not that I woke up covered in shaving foam, pot noodle and coffee and with my head in the bin, but the sheer volume of vomit. There was a not inconsiderable puddle in the middle of the carpet, A couple of inches in the bin, but the piece de resistance was the sink. It was literally full to the brim with puke. I had to stir it around to persuade it to drain.
(Xybex, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 0:17, Reply)

Young love
My first proper snog.... Party, darkened nightclub, aged 14, many pints of cider & black. I hurled up a whole pint full back into an empty glass, boy comes to see if I'm ok, puts arm round my shoulder as I chunder, I wipe my mouth, then we snog for a good hour or so before I dash off to chunder again. Ah, young love.... (Some scanky kid almost drank the pint I left on the shelf, now THAT would have been funny...)
(Lambswax, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 0:13, Reply)

Buses
My mate Jo did some beauties back in our teenage drinking days, after purging on cider, lager & Thunderbird wine. Most memorable ones were on long bus journeys home. Upstairs on the bus, there was a lot of water collected on the floor (no idea how) - how we laughed at the sight of Jo's regurgitated cheese on toast floating back & forth across the bus at every bend. But her most wondrous vomit of all had to be the almost perfectly formed solid pyramid of peas she brought up onto the bus seat one night. Quite astounding.
(Lambswax, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 0:09, Reply)

The Chef
There was the time I beat my own personal drinking record at a friend's houseparty. The morning after we decided upon a Little Chef breakfast. After consuming an entire Olympic Breakfast (with extras) I wandered out to my friend's car. After a few minutes of sitting there, I began to feel a burning sensaton in my stomach. Excusing myself I walked back inside the resturant. However, I could not wait. Have you ever had the pleasure of holding vomit inside your mouth? Now, imagine doing so in front of a packed resturant. i believe I resembled a blowfish. I ran to the toilet and... let go. Imagine a fountain, or one of those geysers you see in Iceland (not the supermarket).It was everywhere - mirrors, walls, floor - and ceiling. I then calmly walked out, smiling as I went. I have never returned there since...
(dulancs, Thu 19 Aug 2004, 23:55, Reply)

Barf
My husband did a beauty - we were at a huge party one night, lots of beers consumed. He came staggering up the stairs, banging into walls and said "I think I'm a bit pissed, better go outside a while". He got halfway there, but unfortunately projectile vomited on a poor unsuspecting girly girl who got in his way. She was dripping in vomit, had some big chunks in her cleavage. Mmmmmmm! Hubby just went outside & passed out. He did sooooo much grovelling to the girl the next day ........
(Lambswax, Thu 19 Aug 2004, 23:54, Reply)

Bit of an urban myth...
but friend of a friend goes into Maccy D's totally wankered (this was back in the tramp cider days). Asks for a cheeseburger, hold the gherkins. A reasonable request no? Well no, they left the gherkins in. What does the drunk guy do? Walks up to the counter, two fingers down the throat, vomits his entire Meal Deal onto the table, then shouts 'pick out the gherkins, bitch!'
(lifelikeandposeable, Thu 19 Aug 2004, 23:53, Reply)

once at uni i got very drunk, and after spending the whole night talking
crap to a load of people i dont know - i went home (alone luckly) and puked all over my floor. i woke up in the morning to discover that not much had really come up - but the force of it had burst blood vessels in my eyes! i had to wear dark glassses for weeks, as all light really fucking hurt them!
the bloke in the room next to me got drunk on red wine and puked it all over his floor! the cleaners were not ammused!!
( Rev. Jesse. broke his ankle, Thu 19 Aug 2004, 23:38, Reply)

M1 madness
Friend of mine was driving back to her parent’s house from uni, having been out the night before on a massive end of year piss up. Halfway down the M1, she starts feeling hugely vomitous, but as she’s doing 85mph in the outside lane, doesn’t have much choice but to gingerly goff into her lap whilst trying not to crash.

She pulls into the next services, changes clothes and drinks two pints of milk. Ten minutes and several miles later, the urge to blow chunks return and this time she coats herself in natural yoghurt.

After the next services, another change of clothes, a carton of orange juice and another ten miles on the clock, she spoils another set of clothes with a citrus milkshake. But at least that seems to have purged her system.

Needless to say, her parents had some serious questions when the contents of the laundry bag were revealed...
( Linbox has a serious dunk habit, Thu 19 Aug 2004, 23:33, Reply)

Doner Vomit
When I was 18 I'd already had a scare with alcohol misuse. So when, at 20, I started drinking again it was always going to lead to bother.
So the second night of my alcoholic rebirth consisted of 4 pints of Scrumpy and a dodgy kebab from an undisclosed locatrion in the North of Scotland - I've already said too much.
I also started smoking - 4 Marlboros if I recall - I soon stopped again.
It was the ciggies that did it. I had just stubbed out the fourth one, when a bloatedness overcame me and made it clear that either my stomach was going to stretch or it would deposit some of its contents.
Long story short: car park, hurl, astonishment.

The vomit had landed on the tarmac in the the shape and colour of the doner kebab I had devoured mere hours earlier.
I have witnesses, coz I ran back to the pub and dragged my mates out to see it.
(Charlie Bouquet, Thu 19 Aug 2004, 23:24, Reply)

And another
Recently on a teambuilding day out with work.
The plan was to play soldiers all day, then have a meal in the evening, then get pissed in the hotel bar.
1) Play soldier: check
2) Evening meal: check (helped along with a few pints, a g&t and a bottle and a bit of wine)
3) Get pissed: We went over to the bar and started drinking, i should have known that it was a bad idea to order a round of 10 sambucas. The first of many rounds, what we drank wasn't important, but there was a wide and varied range at the bar. What mattered was what the night porter said to us when the bar closed at 11, and i quote "Don't worry boys, i'll keep it open as long as you want.".
Now 10 steaming blokes that have been playing soldier all day, excuse me mr red rag i would like to introduce you to mr bull.
At some point in the evening (i think around 3:30) i decided that it would be a good idea that i went off to bed, this being a thursday, and having to work all of the next day. As i got up from this outside table we were sitting on, i caught my foot on something. Not being in the most stable of states, i found the easiest thing to do was to fall back on my arse. Or i would have done if a great chuffing 7 foot metal gas patio heater wasn't directly behind me.
SPANG
I sat back up and rubbed my head only to find that i had always wanted to be ginger, and was currently in the process of trying to dye my hair. Blood all down the back of my new paul smith shirt, all over the back of my head, and down the front of my shirt???.
So many "yep yep i'm fine"'s and "look see the bleeding has stopped"'s later and i was off to bed to vomit in very large volumes.
Next morning i was woken up by my room alarm at 7, had to get up have a shower, trying not to be sick after looking at the mess i had left the toilet in, and off to work.
God i was productive that day.
Makes you wonder why they book them for mid week.
(i am the dave, Thu 19 Aug 2004, 23:18, Reply)

not beer but lots of vom
combine the following one motorbike one bloke steering and one pregnant lady on the back, simmer for 20 miles then let the vom begin at about (60 miles an hour) in her helmet and all down my back, I only asked if she was alright after wiping my jacket and seat and inspecting me pants for carrot. eep
( hairy les, Thu 19 Aug 2004, 23:15, Reply)

not me, but a mate...
whilst out on a saturday night on a day trip to another (and unfamiliar) town, my friend vomited his guts up over a random short brick wall. We went past the same area the following Sunday morning and discovered the short wall was the entrance to a church...

must of made an interesting sermon!
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 19 Aug 2004, 23:13, Reply)

All me
Round a mates house one night after a particularly heavy night out, i was feeling rough and felt that eating would help me get through it. First thing that i found was a banana. So i duly started to shove this thing into my face, to try and halt the onset of upchuck. Problem was that was exactly what i was doing, apparently i had forgotten how to eat and was just shoving that banana into my face in the general region of my mouth. Everyone left the room for a few minutes to do god knows what, when they come back in they are faced with this scene:
Me sitting on a chair, with half a banana in one hand, and lying with my face in a pool of my own sick on the kitchen table.
Oops
I had eaten like 200g of pasta and pesto that evening, that doesn't sound that much but it expands a feck of a lot when its down there.
(i am the dave, Thu 19 Aug 2004, 22:59, Reply)

Paint Tastic
My brother mike celibrated his 18th birthday by drinking a 3 litre cube of shit french wine, then throwing up out of his window over the painted flat roof below.
Next morning we noticed his puke had removed all the paint from the flat roof and lead flashing.
(wifebeater Funkier than a BinBag of Affro's, Thu 19 Aug 2004, 22:57, Reply)

First time I got drunk
*sniff* The memories.

Anyway, it was in a field with some mates. I had just earlier nicked a large bottle of Bushmills foulest Whiskey. I downed half the bottle (it's not so bad, your mouth goes numb after the first quarter). I passed out in a drunken haze of swearing and rich tea biscuits. I came to 9 hours later (about 6am by now) with a loyal mate sitting beside prodding my temple with a stick. I looked down and saw that I had infact thrown up all over myself, the tent beside me and my mate. Shit one. My mate had quite nicely spent the night tipping my head to the side so I wouldn't choke to death on my own vom. I thank him.
(King In Crimson, Thu 19 Aug 2004, 22:56, Reply)

not restricted to just vomit
Also when at college we used to drive about at night with shitfaced passengers shooting down from Croydon to Brighton for a drive.

One night my mate Dazza was driving his dad's company car (Peugeot 405) and feeling sick his mate Tone leaned out the window and threw up past the Grand Hotel in Brighton.

To top this the other mate in the car Markie tried to take a shit out of the rear passenger window, but he ended up landing a massive log down the outside of the car, outside Brighton Pier, in front of hundreds of people and more skirt than you can launch a turd at,

He then said "I aint cleaning it, its nothing to do with me"

Priceless
(wifebeater Funkier than a BinBag of Affro's, Thu 19 Aug 2004, 22:54, Reply)

give me a few hours
on the post-A-Level-results champagne, and i'll get back to you.
(underachiever, Thu 19 Aug 2004, 22:53, Reply)

I once vomited out a german man called Sally

( Naive Amoeba Bored Cig, Thu 19 Aug 2004, 22:50, Reply)

Well,
A friend of mine used to throw parties at his mum's place where there was a huge open fireplace where we'd all have fun burning anything we could lay our hands on, as well as the big stack of logs. Once I arrived just in time to see a girl hurl her guts on to the roaring fire! The smell was something intense and the smoke was a bit nasty, but the green and purple flames were bloody great! I never did ask what she'd been drinking.
( The Togaboy The world will end on, Thu 19 Aug 2004, 22:48, Reply)

At last a question I must have 200 answers to
When I was at college a group of us took our cars down to Camber Sands, we packed the essentials, 2 cases of lager and a bottle of spirits each per person, 3 people per car, 5 cars.
We headed down, drivers sober, passengers wrecked,at 60mph on the motorway the front 3 cars in our 5 car convoy had someone standing up through the sunroofs. ( I know its stupid now, but funny none the less).

It was bloody funny (and messy) when the guy standing up in the front car threw up, leaving a vapour trail of lager and MadDog20/20 over the cars behind, complete with vomit soaked lad sticking out of the roof, then almost instantly he in turn threw up and covered the person and car behind him.

We had to stop off at a garage and jetwash the cars and the lads.

I guess you had to be there, but trust me it was F'kin funny
(wifebeater Funkier than a BinBag of Affro's, Thu 19 Aug 2004, 22:46, Reply)

ok, this one was me...
after consuming nigh on a bottle and a half of neat vodka in one night i proceed to puke up the entire stomach-full, or so i thought, into a handy bucket, only to watch the neighbours dog come and start lapping it up, the sight of which caused me to release what was left all over the back of the dog.
(Voidedge, Thu 19 Aug 2004, 22:45, Reply)

not me but a friend...
a few months ago a friend of mine slightly worse for wear after drinking several snakebite venoms (for those who dont know, snakebite and black with a double vodka for a bit of bite) was slowly stumbling back to my flat, me managed to get back, get her inside, sit her down and give her a glass of water... only for her to run out the room down the hall out the front door, fall over the wall and proceed to let out great bouts of pink puke all over the pavement and her face... the stain is still visible.
(Voidedge, Thu 19 Aug 2004, 22:41, Reply)

another one...
My life seems to be full of vomit related incidents... there was the time we'd been drinking at a mates since 1 in the afternoon, had popped into the local at 5 for a few evening drinks, one guy downs half his pint, looks at it, picks it up and vomits back into it filling it to the brim and not spilling any anywhere else (that has got to be the most precise chunder I have ever seen) the last time I was ill was after works xmas do, my mate Michelle who was sleeping on my sofa had pulled a random bloke, whilst i was necking all the free bottles of wine (about 3 i estimate) then i was dancing like a loon, I also stole a lamp and a traffic cone, and Michelle drove us back to the flat. We had more wine then i went to bed, woke up at 4am to find I'd puked on my pillow and covers, so i took the dirty sheets, wrapped them up and dropped them on the floor and went back to sleep! (it took three washes to get them clean, and i felt slightly unwell the following day) really at my age i should know better!!
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Thu 19 Aug 2004, 22:35, Reply)

August 14th 2004
This was the day my friend turned 18, so we threw him a party. After consuming about 20 ounces of Captain Morgans original spiced rum, and having to have people open my eyes for me, and ash my smoke, I got up and went home at 3am. Getting out of the taxi which i owed $6, but only gave $3 because I was in no condition to count, I barge in my home, and still wearing jacket, sunglasses and the lot began vomiting. This would not have been so bad, but as I vomited, I realized I was smaking my face upon the toilet, giving myself bruises I later had to explain to my mom the next very long, very hungover morning

The End
(Human, Thu 19 Aug 2004, 22:31, Reply)

Ooh, Just thought of another, less humiliating one that doesn't involve me
When I was in 10 or 11 at school, for our end of term assembly we had a special treat- the Magic Man came to visit! Towards the end of the show he asked for a volunteer to help him- and ignoring the forest of hands that shot up he chose little Jack Emery, who was several years below me and was infamous for fainting at the sight of blood (years later, he had to be carried out of the school chapel after watching a sketch where somebody popped a sachet of tomato ketchup in their pocket as they pretended to get shot).

The magician had a hat, and wanted Jack to look inside it, as that's where he kept his friend James the Goblin. It was wonderful- everyone in the hall except the poor oblivious Magic Man knew exactly what was about to happen. Even the teachers were beginning to give each other funny looks and bracing themselves for a dash to get towels and a mop.
There's an expectant hush. Jack Emery looks in the hat, James the Goblin (a handpuppet of course) jumps out- and the Magic Man promptly gets covered head to toe in a deluge of partially digested liver and onions as little Jack screams in terror. Apparently he was so scared he also simultaneously wet and shat himself.

I think James the Goblin was probably retired after that little episode.
( Shrub Rocketeer is a twisted emotional husk, Thu 19 Aug 2004, 22:22, Reply)

Not drunkenness, but impressive!
When I was about 13 or 14, my cousin and her sister-in-law and I went to Dunkin' Donuts for one of those newfangled Vanilla Coolattas. I, being a young child enamored with all things sweet and sugary, ordered a large. The other two shared a medium.

Fast forward several hours to when The Family is sitting in the living room, watching "Office Space." I felt mildly ill and decided to go to bed, and off to the very pink guestroom I went.

As soon as I got into my nightie, a stream of foul-smelling bile erupted from my mouth, all over several thousand dollars worth of brand-new carpeting and wallpaper. Common sense kicked in, and I made a dash for the bathroom.

Halfway down the hall, I faint and start quivering madly, crying for my mother. I was rushed to the emergency room, where I had my stomach pumped.

Turns out the milk for the Coolatta hadn't been refrigerated in several hours, and I had just survived my very first case of food poisoning.

I haven't been back to Dunkin' Donuts since.
(GirnsieBabes- Ring baloney once! Ring baloney twice! Hey-ya, Kutztown sure is nice!, Thu 19 Aug 2004, 22:21, Reply)

As a kid
My family used to take holidays on a canal boat.
The problem being with this is that sometimes if the water tank hasn't been sterilsed properly it gets nasty bugs and this one bug decided to attack all of us on board.
My Mum decided we could only eat soup (we only had cream of tomato) and bread.
With the movement of the boat the smell of my brother and sister vomiting into buckets wasn't the best place to be ill in, so i went out onto the back of the boat to get some air.

My stomach decided this wasn't as good an idea as i first thought and decided it needed to make me evacuate my dinner of soup and bread.
The problem was it evacuated my body at speed and caused me to projectile vomit up the side of the boat that was passing us through the open window and onto the guys wife who was on the other side of the open window.
( Plomien is Polish for flame, Thu 19 Aug 2004, 22:20, Reply)

the workplace incident.....
This seem's spookily relevant considering that today is 'A' level day.... drift back to summer 1995 during my cider drinking days, I'd failed my a levels by an amazing amount. I finished work at 9, worked my way to the pub by 9:30pm,in the next hour and a half I drank about 7 bottles of diamond white, followed by a large quantity of Blastaways (which is a combination of Castaway & Diamond White) at 11 I don't know where I am, dunno how i got home, threw up all over the bathroom, all over my bed, and then i passed out. The following day i have to go into town to go shopping with my Mum, I'm hungover, and sat in the lobby of the major high street bank she used to work in, when I feel the urge, before I can run anywhere, I spew all over myself, and all over the lobby of this bank in full view of all the customers! My Mum had to go out and buy me new trousers,t shirt & shoes! I didnt go back to the bank!
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Thu 19 Aug 2004, 22:13, Reply)