CHUNDERSTRUCK!
I met a footballer. A famous one and that. He played for a big team and all; ah yes, a totally gold-dug pints of beer out of him all night long. Oh hot stuff, I’d like a tall glass of your best pilsner, I slurred, doing my best to keep the ale chuffs confined to my inner bottom.

Come the end of the night, what’s a girl to do? Perhaps I might give him my telephone number, provided I could remember what numbers were. It would be much too tacky and dirty to sleep with him, yes. But he remembered my name! We’re laughing! He touched my thigh, lingered and didn’t make the crotch jump! Oh, this is serious – all the signs were there for a proper date. And I did it all while being ginger! My mind was agog, so telephone number it was. Flirty smile, flip of the ginge, he leans in, I regain my balance, lick the tip of my pen, blaaaAAaAaArghsplat.

I coulda been a WAG, dear readers. A misanthropic beer-swilling belchy WAG who knows Perl, yes, but a WAG.*

I was a student studying the dark art of poverty – I’d have accepted free beer from your creepy moustachioed uncle and likely sicked up all down my tits much the same.

*Wonderfully Angry Ginger
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 15:40, 8 replies)

Mea culpa
As a female member of B3ta, I neglected to mention my giant funbags.

Huge, they are. You'd like them.*


*If they existed.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 16:00, closed)

You have to wait nearer the end of the week for that one.
So as to maximise clickage.
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 16:49, closed)

Damn
My timing is all wrong, much like my bra size.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 17:01, closed)

Hey,
As long as they're busting to get out it's all good.
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 17:32, closed)

and yet
this is still not my favourite story of yours concerning the involuntary expulsion of liquids from your body.
(LickOutTheJamsMotherfuckers!, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 16:17, closed)

Oh, dear.
Which one is that, then?
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 16:19, closed)

Ah.
b3ta.com/questions/cringe/post314850
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 17:02, closed)

Oxford United WAG hahahahaha

(TwinkleFuckingToes Has a ingrown toe nail, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 16:15, closed)