bile
A few months ago, I needed a short medical procedure done. Because it was done under general anaesthetic, I couldn't even drink water up to two hours before my appointment time.
I cheated and downed a pint of water about an hour and a half before my appointment, but I was half an hour late anyway thanks to missing the train. Unfortunately, just before I left, I threw up all the water, leaving myself with an empty stomach.
I'm fine (save for glaring at every commuter who has a coffee and a muffin, the smug eating-and-drinking CUNTS) all the way to the clinic, and while we're in the waiting room for an hour and a half, and then I'm given a couple of pills before my surgery. They should take about two hours to work. Brilliant.
So I sit.
And I wait.
Start getting stomach pains. It feels like I need a massive dump. So I go, but before I can get my pants down, I have to turn round and throw up. There's a bit of water but mostly yellowish bile and snot and whatever.
No better, and I don't actually need a shit, so I scuttle back to the waiting room, but the pains get worse and I'm shown into another, empty waiting room. Still worse, and I'm lying on the floor screaming in pain, so the nurses get me a wheelchair and try to rush me off up to theatre.
But I need to vom again. And this time my stomach doesn't hold back. They shove a cardboard bowl on my lap, but the whole room, the nurses, and the friend I'd only known about six weeks (R), get sprayed in my sticky yellow puke.
When I saw R afterwards, she was covered in wet patches and dabbing herself with paper towels after having to wash it all off. She still bought me a sausage roll on the way home though. What a hero.
(and now for someone completely different, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 17:19, Reply)