Nightmare wedding from hell - my own
My Dad decided that his speech would be a 15 minute long 'bag of jokes' mainly along the theme of 'what a wayward, naughty girl I was with so many boyfriends', and how I lost my virginity at 16 (neither true, nor appropriate for a wedding speech - actually I was 15, but he'll never know that now - tee hee).

My maid of honour then continued the theme, including filmed excerpts of me dancing round like a slapper in various uni plays like 'Little shop of horrors' and 'Cabaret'. She tops it all off by producing the tassled sequined bra I'd worn in one of the performances. (If you're reading this J, I'm STILL just as angry 7 years on, and will never speak to you again).

What they failed to realise was that 60% of the 'audience' were VERY religious, over 60 and had never met me before (all being my husbands rellies). (And they all knew I was 3 months up the duff too). Silence all round.

Decided to hold my head up high and dance my troubles away and have a laugh.

THEN, when it came time to go to the 'Wedding Suite', we discovered my stepmonster had somehow harranged the manager into giving her the keys so she could use it as the BABYSITTING room for her kids! Walked in to discover several sleeping children being hoisted out, the fruit basket and choccies all gone, several films and video games charged to the room, and....a wet bed.

My husband always says he must be the only groom in the world to have slept in somebody elses wet spot.

After the manditory worn out, pregnant bridal tantrum, we finally decided to get down to 'consummating our now blessed union', when my stepmonster CALLS THE ROOM and asks us to get out of bed and find a diamond earring that she's lost. Cue another screaming tantrum.

Good to know everyone else had a good time though. Pretty much all of the bridesmaids and ushers had sex with eachother. Result. Couldn't figure out who was in who's room in the morning for breakky.
(Peelmytangerines, Thu 14 Jul 2005, 21:20, Reply)