Broken Britain
After reading in the Sun that Britain was all broken and that, I decided it was about time somebody did something about it. The thought of Britain being broken had been the most upsetting thing I'd ever heard ever since I found out about it that morning.

"I'll do something about it!" I triumphantly announced to the postman as he delivered yet more gay porn magazines. (I'm not gay I just enjoy people thinking they have 'one' in their neighbourhood)
"Something about what gaylord?" Answered Postie.
I gave him a proper camp wink and went "you'll find out handsome!" and went back inside.

Pleased with myself for two reasons - 1) my new mission (fixing broken Britain, remember?) and 2) I could put another tick on my 'people who think I'm a homo' wall-chart.

The internet was my first port of call in finding out the best way to sort this shithole out. I needed to know what was wrong with Britain first of all, cos as far as I was concerned it was a pretty decent place. We've got Lemsip, swimming, gay porn mags, Peter Beardsley, T'pau, The Crankies, loads of pigeons, drunk people in town centres with tattoos of their kids names on their necks, Canon & Ball, John Venables, Findus Crispy Pancakes and TGI Friday waiters who tell you their names. All brilliant.

A lot of people on the internet were of the opinion that knives were the problem so I started a petition in favour of forks. Nobody wanted to sign it though, so I filled in 56 pages of fake signatures and sent it to Simon Cowell. Didnt get a response. So it was obvious knives werent the answer.

Next I went round my next door neighbours gaff and asked him what he thought was up with the country.
'All the fucking indians mate' was his instant vociferous reply.
I nodded slowly (fast nodding is for schizos and sex offenders) and went off to buy a cowboy outfit. 'I'll sort those Indian fuckers' I vowed, 'how dare they twat up my country?'.

So there I am, dressed as a cowboy, waiting with my cap-gun all ready to go. About 3 days pass and not one pissing Indian turns up?
Where are they?

I just popped indoors to have a waz and write this account of my mission to let you all know how it's going. Hope I havent missed any Indians while I've been here. The sneaky cunts.

I'm not gay.
(Andrew Avetoom, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 20:43, 11 replies)

This is first
class excellence.

*click*
(Psymon_Spark Jesus Saves! The rest of you take 4d6 damage, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 20:46, closed)

this!
more of this kind of thing!
(DreddPirateBob has watched every scifi film ever on, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 22:44, closed)

get some mates
to dress as a builder and a policeman, to complement your cowboy look. i'm sure an indian will soon arrive, if only to stage a village people tribute concert
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 20:57, closed)

I've clicked
:D
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 23:37, closed)

me too
I could do with neighbours like that
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 23:45, closed)

Single mothers ...
build a workhouse and a Magdelene side-by-side. But drench it in tinsel and call it a half-way house. That'll fix it!
(Que?, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 3:39, closed)

Very funny
lovely style
*cliiiiiiiiick*
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 9:00, closed)

"I'm not gay"
-Your username is though.

Regardless, top post! *click!*
( Tab Hunter Make this useless process end and so, begin again, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 9:25, closed)

not enough people like you
is what's wrong with this country.. have a click for awesomeness.
(milescopeland had an imaginary friend, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 11:41, closed)

I'm sure there are plenty of people who like Brady.
He seems a fairly likeable chap.
(Vlad the Inhaler forgot his password, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 23:29, closed)

You are David Cameron AICMFP

( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 17:10, closed)