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I still love b3ta, but sadly filters at work render most images unviewable these days, even at lunchtimes. So I'm not here as much as I'd like to be.

One day, I will buy some webspace when I'm not busy paying for kitchens and kids and stuff.

Visit my terrible blog by clicking here.

My risible quality art can be found on Redbubble by clicking this link.

Or come and find me on Flickr by clicking here.









Recent front page messages:

Ha ha

(Fri 13th Jun 2014, 15:07, More)

This one is pretty awesome too.

(Mon 12th Aug 2013, 12:54, More)

:D

(Wed 17th Apr 2013, 14:56, More)

It was a quiet ceremony.

Apart from the hammering.

Edit: mind the piss.
(Wed 17th Apr 2013, 9:46, More)



(Thu 21st Feb 2013, 14:01, More)



(Thu 24th Jan 2013, 13:47, More)

Camp

(Fri 18th Jan 2013, 12:47, More)

/awaits call to the palace.

Edit: There's a bigger version on my blog.
(Fri 11th Jan 2013, 13:01, More)

Modern warfail

(Fri 4th Jan 2013, 11:32, More)

RonnÚnschu

(Thu 25th Oct 2012, 14:23, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Bizarre habits

When I was a kid and saw the film Jaws.
I was convinced Jaws would get me in my sleep. This despite the fact I lived in Lancashire, at least a mile from the nearest river with a sea connection and a long way from Amity, which I was dimly aware was probably somewhere off the south eastern United States.

So, assuming Jaws survives the end of the film, can navigate the river Irwell as far as Bury, hop out of the water, thrash his way across fields and two major roads, open a garden gate latched on the inside (which even human beings with their opposale thumbs found nigh on impossible to work), break down a door, climb upstairs and manouver a complicated bannister arrangement to my childhood bedroom to bite me, he would then have to have a bite length of at least 23 inches as I habitually slept as close as possible to the wall in order to avoid this admittedly remote possibility. Fuck you Jaws, you were never going to get me.
(Thu 1st Jul 2010, 14:07, More)

» Stuff I've found

I once found a bloodstained five-pound note when I was a kid.
(A fiver to a twelve year old kid in the eighties was serious wonga, I hasten to add.)

I like to imagine it fluttered out of the hand of some dying criminal, shot to bits by rival gangsters, then dumped in an alley.
With his last breath, his life flashing before him, he realises ruefully that all his life he has been alone, never truly able to trust anyone. On the cusp of the yawing abyss of oblivion, he regards the bloody five pound note as it flutters out of his weakening grasp.

Well, it could have been that, or somebody might have dropped it coming out of the butchers shop down the road.

I spent it on sweets, probably.
(Thu 6th Nov 2008, 13:08, More)

» Happy 10th Birthday B3ta

Fuck
Eight years since I joined as well. Have a commemorative plate in recognition.

(Mon 12th Sep 2011, 12:49, More)

» Annoying words and phrases

At the end of the day.
At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day. At the end of the day.

Apologies for length of post.
(Fri 9th Apr 2010, 12:46, More)

» School Sports Day

Rugby
Never much of a sporting type, I tended to stand as far away from the action as possible during sport.
Anyway, during a rugby match, I'm standing there minding my own business when I became aware of a sound like distant thunder approaching. It was the biggest lad in our year, a stocky mass of athlete and testosterone so thick there was actually a haze round him.
He had the ball and was approaching fast, so as he reached me I simply stepped to one side, letting him roar past. Great, I thought, I can get on with staring into space while he scores a try for his side.

The PE teacher was actually an alright sort as PE teachers go, but he was having none of this and stopped the match. Size, he explained, was no handicap to playing sport. He got the big lad to stand holding the ball and told me to tackle him.

I might as well have tried to fell a lamp-post. I ran full tilt and dived at his legs, only to spin round them like a horseshoe round a post.

The PE teacher actually slapped his hand on his forehead in disbelief, decided to cut his losses and resumed the match, and I got to go back to staring into space again.
(Fri 31st Mar 2006, 13:21, More)
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