When there is no Question of the week
Make up a lot of Bollocks and post it to your Facebopk page.
( Vambo, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 21:57, Reply)

16 years old, filled with pent up angst and a victim of regular age discrimination?
Struggling to buy fags, because they no longer accept your national insurance card as valid ID?

Simply take the newsagent to the nearest bus stop, get on the next available bus and ask for a child fare.

While the bus driver and newsagent argues the toss, run back to the newsagents and steal all the tobacco's you'll need until you do look old enough.

Probably bindun, but surely worth another outing.

First post since November 2007!
(HairyBaldy, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 18:08, 6 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Albinos, fed up of people who don't like sunbathing or bronzing creams dating you just to look more tanned?
Start going out with a ginger. Your friends will immediately notice how bronzed your skin looks in comparison
( Muns, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 15:23, Reply)

Want a tan but don't like sunbeds and tanning creams
Start going out with an Albino. Your friend will immediately notice how bronzed your skin looks in comparison
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 13:42, Reply)

Defecate
by contracting your abdominal muscles, causing intra-abdominal pressure to increase, lowering your perineal wall, causing the ano rectal angle to decrease from 90 degrees to less than 15 degrees and relaxing your external anal sphincter. If possible, sit on a toilet first. Sorry, should've mentioned that earlier.
( Zuowan, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 4:24, 5 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Out of the house and realise there's something on TV you really wanted to watch?
Just imagine it in your head but make it better by adding more explosions and breasts.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 1:10, Reply)

Out of the house and realise there's something on TV you really wanted to watch?
go to www.tvcatchup.com on your smart phone. All freeview channels free of charge!
(boosh, Wed 25 Jul 2012, 15:50, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Always know which side the petrol filler cap is on....
no matter which car you're driving, by simply looking at the fuel light on your dashboard. Whichever side the pump is on in the little picture, is the side that your petrol filler cap will be on! (99.9% of the time!)
(boosh, Wed 25 Jul 2012, 15:48, 13 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Bleach your arse.
By leaving flowers in it overnight.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 17:14, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Obtain a cheap, equally tough substitute for leather
by buying bacon from Corley Service Station that has been slowly tanning underneath the heat lamps for 6 hours since it was first griddled.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 19 Jul 2012, 17:08, Reply)

Test how politically correct you really are
by moving in with your mother-in-law for a couple of years.
( Zuowan, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 15:42, Reply)

Make paper cups soggy by leaving them in water overnight

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 14:20, Reply)

Clean your arse
by leaving it overnight filled with water with a dash of bleach in it. Remove any flowers first.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 20:20, Reply)

Respirate
by contracting your diaphragm muscles, causing a pressure variation, which is equal to the pressures caused by elastic, resistive and inertial components of the respiratory system.
( Zuowan, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 14:56, 5 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Clean flower vases
by using some cif and a sponge.
( Zuowan, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 14:52, Reply)

Clean flower vases
by leaving them overnight filled with water with a dash of bleach in it. Remove the flowers first.
(Smale is stuffed, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 11:44, Reply)

Cure cancer by curing cancer.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 11:00, Reply)

Annoy people with Parkinson's Disease
by switching on the tap-click function on their laptop touchpad.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 13:02, Reply)

UK government.
Save everyone's time and money by not making 1P and 2P coins. We don't need them, some people even throw them away, and thier continied use causes more trouble than it's worth.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Sat 14 Jul 2012, 16:09, 8 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Make UK alcohol prices seem reasonable
by holidaying in Norway.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Sat 14 Jul 2012, 14:28, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Make everywhere seem really expensive
by moving to Bangladesh.
(username failed moderation, Fri 13 Jul 2012, 16:45, Reply)

Make everything anwhere else seem really cheap
by living in London.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 13 Jul 2012, 14:34, Reply)

Avoid premature orgasms
by marrying a really ugly bird.
(username failed moderation, Fri 13 Jul 2012, 9:05, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Annoy grammar nazis by saying
in a soothing tone; "their their, never mind".
(username failed moderation, Fri 13 Jul 2012, 9:03, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Annoy people* onthe internets
by saying 'the internets' and using bad grammar spelling and punctuation







*mainly twats
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 13:54, Reply)

Play "knock-off ginger"
by working for the Royal Mail.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:24, Reply)

Kill yourselves. All of you.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 18:03, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Rob: Rename QOTW 'Letterbocks'

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 16:05, Reply)

Attention seekers:
Post the 100th comment in the last year about tips being stolen from Viz.
(username failed moderation, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 11:06, Reply)

Act in a passive-aggressive manner.
Then you can't be blamed if it all kicks off.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 10 Jul 2012, 12:54, Reply)