Christianity
God creates everything, including us. For some reason he sends down His only begotten son to live with us. We listen to what the only begotten son has to say, then torture him to death. For some reason, this means that we are saved from sin.

I have asked a few Christian friends whether God would have preferred us not to crucify Jesus, but haven't had a straight reply yet.
(ubergeekian, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 17:38, 31 replies)

Sin
God’s a really lovely bloke
As anyone can see
And so he got his first born son
And nailed him to a tree.

Jesus Christ died for your sins
Like murder, theft and porn
But what of all those other twats
Who died before he was born?

But sin was caused by some daft bint
She ate a naughty fruit
She had no heed of her misdeed
The whole thing’s fucking moot.

And who would set a trap like that?
A god who is all potent?
He must have known she’d fall for it,
The shit-arsed cunt-faced rodent.

So anyway, if J.C. died
To absolve every sin
We shouldn’t let him die in vain
So let the fun begin!
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 17:42, closed)

I had a stoned idea for a film over the weekend.
Say Mary wasn't really a virgin, and her and Joseph came up with the son of God story to escape any prejudice for her unwarranted pregnancy.
This had to be upheld, so the kid was raised as the Son of God, acted accordingly by spreading love. Did a few Derren Brown style tricks to make people believe. Stuck by his word when he went to be crucified.
His disciples are the only other ones who knew the real tale.

Christ the Martyr if you will.

Needs a bit of work.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 17:57, closed)

Makes sense to me but I think he would have
looked more like Dynamo.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:22, closed)

.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:26, closed)

(Eukanuba, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 22:10, closed)

I've got a whole set of those.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:07, closed)

what about JW's?
don't they believe in predestination for about 144,000? that lot go to heaven, everyone else is fairly fucked.

those are such sucky odds that, frankly, why bother, never mind why bother spending all your free time banging on people's doors and being told to shit off.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:26, closed)

We are going GOD'S work!!!
Well if God, in all his "infinite glory" can't make me believe - you don't have much chance, do you?
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:30, closed)

Come the final judgement, or just overall?
Because if it's come judgement day it would make sense to kill off most of the world's population before then, just to get the odds a bit more in your favour.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:44, closed)

JWs are biblical literalists.
As far as they are concerned a small number of super duper Christians will be raised up to form the government of heaven. A much larger number will be reborn into paradise on earth. The rest of us filthy sinners will rot in the ground.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:45, closed)

Recycling mate.
It's de riguer down here.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 16 Dec 2013, 20:12, closed)

It stems back to our own ego.
God made us in His image.
What kind of narcissistic creature would say this?

That, and The Bible is just olden days Aesops Fables to keep everyone in check.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:59, closed)

God would have no need for any of our body parts, as they're all developed to perform a particular task in a world made of actual physical substances.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:15, closed)

Davros?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 17 Dec 2013, 20:16, closed)

Maybe you could pick up a primary school book on Christian theology?
Get mummy to help you with the tricky words.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:42, closed)

I love you, Doctor S.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 9:03, closed)

And the Lord loves all of us, MM.
Even the welsh.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:33, closed)

Merry Christmas, everyone.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:36, closed)

People who write 'Xmas' believe that God's only son wasn't Jesus of Nazareth but in fact Malcolm X

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:28, closed)

No, Jesus was Batman.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 13:15, closed)

No that was Bruce Forsyth.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 15:20, closed)

steady on, Shambles
I think you'll find he merely tolerates the Welsh.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 13:59, closed)

No thanks
The whole problem with christians, and with fundies in particular, is that they are incapable of thinking or arguing beyond primary school RE level.

Which in my case was being told to sing "Jesus loves me, this I know, for the bible tells me so" which I was perfectly capable of recognising as a circular argument at the age of seven. And saying so, which may have been tactless but got me out of RE from then on.
(ubergeekian, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 18:37, closed)

Was it your overbearing parents who gave you such a massively exaggerated sense of your intellect?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 20:02, closed)

Maybe you could do us all a favour,
and lay an intellectual smackdown on the pope (other belief systems are available), in order to free us all from this terrible oppression?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 18 Dec 2013, 12:11, closed)

woh dude u r liek Richard Dworkins or something!

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 13:07, closed)

I give up on xtians and the rest of the cults.
If somebody really wants to pollute their life with that kind of shit I see no reason to stop them.
I am concerned their prodgeny will be indictrinated but I think, generally, people can make their mind up as and when they learn more.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 18:44, closed)

You should probably reserve the concern for your own children's literacy.
Hahaha. I implied you might one day have children. Soz.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 20:04, closed)

Indictrination is a viry sirious hizard for kids growing ip in Sith Ifrica or Nyuh Ziland.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Wed 18 Dec 2013, 10:14, closed)

Yeah - but these people influence politics.
OK, mainly in the US, but still...
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Wed 18 Dec 2013, 7:28, closed)

Yeah, true, that is worrying.
They influence the politics in the Middle East too, and in more European countries than they ought.
I don't know what it is about the arrogant fucks that makes them think they should control others. I't not even something they're really told to do in their books, for the most part.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Wed 18 Dec 2013, 18:41, closed)