The sad saga of a bread maker
After quite happily making bread the old fashioned although time consuming and arm aching way,
I succombed to the offer of being given a bread making machine by a mate who had just invested in a newer and more all singing and all dancing unit of bread making technology.
'Its brilliant' she cooed when passing on her discarded big old lump of gadget to me, all you have to do is put the ingredients inside and it does all the work, no kneading, no proving, no knocking back.
Ok nice thinks I, I'm a big fan of my slow cooker and if this machine does bread in the same lazy way, i'm up for it.
First though I have to read the 20 page manual about how to use it, many bleary minutes later I deduce that only 3 pages are of actual practical use.
Next, ingredients in.
Phone mate to say I've just started my first loaf in it.
"Oh I forgot to say, replies she, "sometimes the metal prong thing on the bottom of the mould comes out and gets stuck into the underside of the bread, make sure when you take the bread out that you check to see if its in there before slicing it"
Um ok.
Later, the big leccy eating lump of plastic dings that the bread is now ready, its smells sort of ok, but I open the machine to see something that resembles something that wouldnt look out of place in the construction of a cow shit and straw zulu mud hut.
Judicious use of a carving fork and knife get the offending article out and onto a plate.
I wait some cooling time and then gingerly cut it open, oh yes i forgot about that possibilty of the metal prong thingwee being stuck inside and my teeth itch when the knife scritches against it after hacksawing through a crust that put Mt Etnas lava flow to shame.
The birds didnt touch the bread i strew across my garden, and so far no-one on my local freecycle has taken up my offer of a free bread maker with its totally honest description of use
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Sat 1 Oct 2011, 4:09, 10 replies)

It took my mum a good couple of years to become proficient at using her breadmaker.
Unfortunately she was a persistent little bugger. & when I visited I was usually the guinea-pig. After she died we couldn't give it away.
A lot to be said for having big strong arms and working around a hot oven.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 1 Oct 2011, 5:22, closed)

We had the same sort of crapness
The first loaf was ok.
The second so hard that after amoth in the garden we had to throw the bread brick away because the birds and our dog wouldn't eat it.
The third an my wife forgot to put the mixy prong back in after cleaning it.
We got a slice of toast one side, goo the other and the rest was warm sludge.
(Captain Spacker I lick windows, Sat 1 Oct 2011, 9:55, closed)

They work fine
and easily with the bread mix you can get for very little at Lidl. Yummily foreign, it is.
(ubergeekian, Sat 1 Oct 2011, 12:14, closed)

Mine's easy enough to use
I've only tried the standard 'bread' and 'brioche' functions, though, nothing fancy like making jam with it. All you have to remember is to put the liquids in before the solids, otherwise you get a one-inch slab of dark matter with two inches of chalk underneath.

LIDL's bread mix is very salty, though. Dia's is nicer.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 1 Oct 2011, 12:38, closed)

Ours works fine
You just have to completely ignore the recipes that come with it
(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Sat 1 Oct 2011, 16:46, closed)

The major issue is that these are designed to be shit.
The bread pan typically dies after around a hundred loaves, as the bread mix gets into the increasingly sloppy bearing, destroys the seals, and then gets so bad it won't turn at all.
(speedevil, Sun 2 Oct 2011, 0:41, closed)

I'll stick to tre tried and trusted way of making bread
It may play havoc on the upper arm muscles and you have to have a warm area to prove the mix, but the end results are worth all the effort.
I still have a worthless breadmaker if anyone wants it
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Sun 2 Oct 2011, 1:42, closed)

Why not use the bread maker to do the mixing
then take it out and oven it yourself?

Mine works fine, except when running a timed loaf to start at 4am in winter - it doesn't warm the chamber for the rising part, so you end up with dwarf bread in the Terry Pratchett sense as well as being half height. Which is still tasty.
( Fronds are waving gently on, Sun 2 Oct 2011, 10:15, closed)

My wife makes bread in a breadmaker
Which produces fairly decent bread, but she also uses the dough hook on the Kenwood mixer, then proves and bakes the dough herself. That bread is delicious.
(Sir Itchalot has a very self-referential signature, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 18:11, closed)

It would seem
that breadmakers are a bit of a theme in this QOTW.
Cant be arrised to see if mine was the first mention
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 1:19, closed)