Internet dating
No..no...no....nooo..nooooooooooooo... gah never again....please don't let me get into internet dating again.. The thought of it gives me a "rabbit in headlights" look. Can't bring myself to tell the stories but... fuck internet dating. The offending site was okcupid.com. The paid ones could be better, I dunno, I'm not going back there.
(Mr Big Stuff, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:45, 11 replies)

Come on
Tell. This sounds good.
(itsOnlyGoingToGetHairier, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 16:15, closed)

I feel your pain,
I did it last year after being single for over 18months, all the women i contacted/dated were fucking loonies the lot of em.
( Bamboo Steamer, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 16:24, closed)

sane, single, attractive.
Pick two.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 16:29, closed)

Pearost summary of my internet dating experiences...
I've dragged this up from an old post of mine and have summarised the profile details next to my own experience of said profile owner.

Ambitious = I'll bore you to tears about my fulfilling career and who's toes I've stamped on along the way to get there
Outgoing = I'm promiscuous
Spirited = I might get into a fight en route to date (yes, I've seen it happen).
Australian = all of the above
Likes keeping fit = I've got a gym membership, but it's unused since 2005
Kind hearted = I'm recently dumped and on the rebound
Bit mad = I'm actually extremely boring
Enjoys a drink = I want you to fund an evening of train wreck piss artistry when I'll embarrass you in public
Loves animals = I have cats and dubious personal hygiene
Loves kids = I have four and want someone - anyone - to pick up the tab
Has photo of slidey roof Peugeot 206/Mini on profile = I'm very ambitious and my proudest acheivement in life to date is owning a three door hatchback. My name might also be "Emma".
Where have all the nice men gone? = All the men in the locality are wise to me and give me awide berth
Enjoys good wine = I chug Lambrini, by the bucketload. You're paying
Likes to travel = I went to Ibiza once and spent most of the time being sick
Loves films = I love chickflicks about someone's new pair of shoes which ramble on for hours and star Hugh Grant
Loves books = as above but in paperback
Caring = I'm a potential stalker
Bubbly = I get on everyone's tits
Pic shows closeup of bodypart = The most interesting thing about me is my left tit.
Nursing professional = I'll drink you under the table and indulge in frightening levels of debuchery
Ladylike = I carry brick in my handbag
Lives in Canvey Island = I smell
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 23 Sep 2010, 16:57, closed)

You forgot:
Cuddly: fat.
Curvy: fat.
Bubbly: manic. And fat.
Looking for romance and maybe more: will talk about the wedding on the first date.
Loves kids (alternative): will talk about babies' names on the first date.
Ready to love again: seriously damaged, will probably cry on the first date.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 17:09, closed)

Ha!

(Braising Squid, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 23:53, closed)

The paid ones are much better: I met a delightful young man whom I was with for some years. I'd never touch a free site in a billion years - I figured that if someone's genuine they'd be willing to part with cash to sign up - and they were!
(The cat's PJs If my eyes are closed you can't see me, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 20:36, closed)

tell story tell story!
incidentally, I met my current boyfriend on there. This probably makes me the mentalist and him the poor rabbit in the headlights
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 22:23, closed)

99% fruitcakes
OKCupid is much more full of nutcases than other paid sites but they all have their share of bunny-boiling crazies. I'm a bit of a connoisseur of dating saites after a good few years of using them on and off (both LT relationships I've had have been through them).

Highlights:
- The one which seemed all suggestive and filthy on email although was a bit plump when she turned up. I was in a dry spell so I went for it anyway. When we got back to hers she broke down and showed me all the scars from self-harm on her arms. I'm not proud of this but I did sleep with her and never call her again (I was stuck in the middle of nowhere with no chance of home before morning).

- The outgoing girl (bit of a BOBFOC) who turned up to the date, necked two large glasses of wine in the time I drank 1 bottle of beer and then proceeded to demolish the cocktail lists at most of the neighbourhood bars. Gatecrashed her housemate's first date (they were very into each other already), swayed on dancefloor at bar, told me "why don't you just grab my arse and snog me" (I obliged), abused staff in MacDonalds (her idea to go there not mine), made a little DIY vomit receptacle out of her chip box and burger wrapper (thankfully she held onto it). When we got back to hers she poured a glass of water and told me to come up to bed. I decided to cut my losses and call it a night and she abused me and told me I was "frigid". Next day she sent me a message saying she had a lovely time from what she could remember, and one later that night telling me I was the one!

There are more but those are probably the msot interesting!
(bigjonnydynamite, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 5:34, closed)

I'm re-reading this and wondering at what point 'I' would have bailed in the 2nd story
probably when she barfed
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 9:34, closed)

Internet dating:
The odds are good but the goods are odd, as they say.
(DownhillGardener no-one does it like that anymore, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 17:29, closed)