Time for me to roast my first ever pea
When I was young and stupid - as opposed to now when I am old and stupid - and horny, I hit upon the idea of using washing-up liquid as wanking lubricant.

NEVER, EVER DO THIS!

It stang. It stang. It stang. IT STANG LIKE A HORDE OF FIRE ANTS HURLING THEMSELVES GLEEFULLY UP MY JAP'S EYE.

I screamed. I SCREAMED.

The pain faded gradually over 2 days and I was too scared to wank for at least a week.

WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!?
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:17, 10 replies)

Erm ...
"Oh Christ, Oh Christ, my penis is on fire"?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:24, closed)

You might have been able to blow a bubble, though
which would have been one hell of a party trick
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 15:41, closed)

pun?
Trying and failing to find a Fairy related pun!!
(the_icks has the sweet essence of giraffe, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 16:09, closed)

I don't know about that,
But all I can think of now is some sort of demented smutty version of the old ad where the kid needed the fairy bottle to make a space ship off of Blue Peter or something!

It makes more sense in my head, honestly.
( the pink chicken sniffer sniffs pink chickens., Wed 29 Sep 2010, 17:23, closed)

.
For glans that do bitches that do spoff on their face. Or something.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 17:25, closed)

Think of the positives
Your knob would have been extra clean.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 17:03, closed)

although....
probably soft as a baby's bum if the ads are to be believed
(tinypod will never learn. Ever., Wed 29 Sep 2010, 19:05, closed)

Pissing bubbles
must have been amusing though
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 17:14, closed)

That's the detergent, sodium lauryl sulphate - effective but harsh.
Still, it's a good thing you didn't try to use conditioner as lube, as the detergent in that (cetrimonium chloride) is even nastier.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 19:29, closed)

I used conditioner all the time, still do. Not as lube for intercourse; but for wanking, you betcha.
(Turtlenuts, Wed 29 Sep 2010, 19:57, closed)