* PFFT *I've been pretty farty all week, but 2 large helpings of sausage and lentil stew last night have really tipped things over the edge. I swear you can see these ones.
I'm here at work trying to hold them in so I (a) don't have to keep nipping to the loo like a madman and (b) don't gas half the office, but it's becoming increasingly difficult. I might rupture something if I'm not careful.
Tell us all about your own fartiness.
(
chthonic, Fri 13 Jul 2007, 14:01)
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Assembly fartIt was a long time ago.
I was in 4th or 5th year at high school in one of those lovely 'Year Assemblys' with the Year Tutor known as ''the sweeny'' (not because he shot us, shouted at us or called us SLAAGS .. just because of the 70's stack shoes he wore alongside 10 year old kipper ties)
Anyway, i was feeling a bit tense down below, not in a ''im going to crap'' kind of way, just unsettled. I tried to keep it in but the boredom of being forcefed some homily on christian values etc just was too much for my formative anarchistic mind so, thinking it would just be a normal 'trump'/sbd, i let it out.
It was hot.
Like the hot lager and curry farts you only really get when you are over 18 and eat loads of stuff.
The stench was greeny browny orange, it had colour and texture. This was your arse on drugs.
However, it also had its gravity and massive density and stayed in a 1.5 meter radius of me for a good ten minutes causinfg retching and giggles (like Shaun of the Dead but without zombies).
My friends could not believe the stench and it became known as the Assembly Fart.
My cat crowley also likes to play pick me up fart tennis and can strip paint with his chuffs that ALWAYS smell of fish and pedigree chum.
He is ace
(, Mon 16 Jul 2007, 16:14, Reply)
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