Royston Vasey
Many eons past, when I was an impressionable teenager (no, I didn't do impressions), I went to see a Chubby Brown gig. As any of you who has seen his act will know, it's a cocktail of swearing, bad taste and misogyny and the crowd consists largely of beered-up blokes.

On this particular occasion, one of the aforementioned Neanderthals shouted something incomprehensible at Chubby, who appeared to ignore the heckle and move into his next gag, which went something like,
"The average length of a cock is 5 inches and the average depth of a fanny is also 5 inches. Some are deeper than that. We call these useless cunts... and there's a six-foot tall one sitting over there."

Not a great line, and I'm sure it was well-used, but I've remembered it for 30 years in the vain hope that I'll one day get chance to use it.
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Thu 12 Jun 2014, 19:58, 8 replies)

You useless cunt.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 20:22, closed)

How do you know how tall I am?

( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Thu 12 Jun 2014, 21:32, closed)

It's probably a fair bet you're taller than 5 inches.

(SlantedScience, Sat 14 Jun 2014, 3:24, closed)

I am told that at a now defunct venue in Colne Lancashire that Roy Chubby Brown lasted
5 minutes into his set before storming off because the level of abuse from hecklers was to much for him.

Which is 4 minutes and 15 seconds longer than Bernard Manning.

"Oi you, you are a fat cunt."
retort, "rich fat cunt did you get here tonight in a Roller"
"Did you buy the Roller to impress your old Ma so that she puts out more?"
I am paraphrasing there was more.

A BLOO BLOO BLOO
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 20:35, closed)

He didn't last that long in Bradford
Shortly after the stadium fire, he is reputed to have started the gig with a line something like, "I hear you've had a bit of a barbecue round here, the other week."

I believe he is lucky to have escaped alive, a bit like his son's innocent victim.

DE-RIS
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Thu 12 Jun 2014, 21:37, closed)

That article starts
"The unemployed son of comedian Roy "Chubby" Brown was jailed for 10..."

when it should really say

"The unemployed son of "comedian" Roy Chubby Brown was jailed for 10..."
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Fri 13 Jun 2014, 10:15, closed)

Meh, The LEGENDARY Jerry Sadowitz's gig in That Canadia.
JS HELLO MOOSEFUCKERS!
Angry colonial *POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!*
JS "FUCK ME, I thought you'd be PROUD to admit you're big enough to fuck a moose"
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 12 Jun 2014, 23:45, closed)

aeons

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 13 Jun 2014, 10:06, closed)