Advice on women
At uni in my first year I shared halls with a lad from Blackburn whos name I've forgotten. Sorry lad from Blackburn. He was a bit of a Ned Flanders but with one major difference. He was desperate, and I mean DESPERATE to get laid.

He was making progress with a young lady he had lectures with. He'd even plucked up the courage to ask her out on a date.

All very sweet.

He rolls up to me one morning over breakfast to ask for my advice about women. Fuck me!!!

"Spanky, what do they like? You know, what do they like you to do... to them..."

'They'??? Their not fucking aliens, mate!

"Well, when you've got them in bed," I started. "Nothing drives your average girl wild like sticking your finger up their bum," I managed to say this with a straight face.

Blackburn Boy looked a bit shocked. "Really?"

I nodded. "Drives um absolutely wild, mate."

Later that evening when I was settling down to watch Ghostbusters II (better than the first by a country mile, I think), I heard a high pitched squeal from Blackburn Boy's room.

Sometimes I really am the biggest cunt in the world.
( SpankyHanky, Sat 28 Feb 2009, 13:04, 11 replies)

Dear sir,
I respect your opinion on most subjects. Your posts are well-written and amusing. I will defend to death your right to swear, to be a randy sex pest and to make it to the "best" page week after week.

But, Sir, I will be DAMNED if I'm going to stand back and listen to this claptrap about Ghostbusters II being better than the original.

Damn you, Sir. Damn you and your impertinence.
(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Sat 28 Feb 2009, 13:52, closed)

Actually...
I kind of agree with Spanky.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sat 28 Feb 2009, 14:07, closed)

Yeah.
So do I.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Sat 28 Feb 2009, 14:28, closed)

More Goo in Ghostbusters II
Gotta love the goo, matey!
( SpankyHanky, Sat 28 Feb 2009, 16:42, closed)

Which one had the Marsh Mallow Man?

Sometimes you really are the biggest cunt in the world.

That's to be left for the SECOND date...
( Turquoise Hexagon Sun has just dropped acid on, Sat 28 Feb 2009, 17:04, closed)

Thats just lovely
You are an evil cunt *clicks*

Agreed - Ghostbusters II is better than I
(Grrrrr Tigers, Sat 28 Feb 2009, 17:42, closed)

As I am a Blackburn girl I cannot condone such cuntishness to a fellow Blackburnian.
*sniggers*
( girlinthehole, Sat 28 Feb 2009, 17:50, closed)

Dear Spanky, (an open letter)...

I love your posts...I consider you a modern-day master of mirth, a veritable hero in our times...a man so skilled in writing great stories that I want to drop to my knees, pound the floor and thank merciful Jeebus that I found this site.

You have a gift, and what's more, I feel we have a 'connection'

So many things in common: love of Cov City, Star Wars, and boozy, embarrassing fun, especially when there is sweet lovin' with the laydees involved.

You are like the brother I never knew existed...

...

Then THIS. fucking THIS!

Ghostbusters-cunting-shite-2 better then the original? Have you completely lost your marbles mate?

I thought I could forgive you anything...I pray that this is just a minor blip created of post-Amsterdam weekend insanity.

I beg you, watch both again...and reconsider.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Sat 28 Feb 2009, 21:35, closed)

Am I allowed to say...
that I actually quite liked Waterworld too...

I own it on dvd and everything...
( SpankyHanky, Sun 1 Mar 2009, 12:31, closed)

Waterworld was ace!
I'm also a big fan of the 'The postman'
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Mon 2 Mar 2009, 16:02, closed)

Yep,
Me too.

I've got that on dvd and watched it a few weeks back. It really is rather good...
( SpankyHanky, Mon 2 Mar 2009, 16:27, closed)