There seems to be a drought of actual stories this week
It's time to rectify that - so sit down, get yourself comfy, and let me tell you the tale of...(dramatic pause)...Fiona, my one true iffy crush.

Our story begins many moons ago (and no, I won't say how many), in a high school in Scotland, in the middle of morning registration

wavylineswavylineswavylineswavylineswavylineswavylineswavylineswavylineswavylineswavylines

As usual, I was sitting beside my good buddy and occasional partner-in-crime Craig, having a heated discussion about the merits of the latest pop craze or TV show it was cool to like. We were so caught up in our discussion, we barely paid any attention to the rest of the room, until Mr Carr (our registration teacher) cleared his throat, and announced, "Class, I'd like you to meet our newest pupil."

Irritated by having our conversation interrupted, I grudgingly turned my head to look with barely-concealed contempt...

And froze.

Standing there, beside Mr Carr's desk, was the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on. She stood, shyly clutching a folder, eyes on the ground. She was gorgeous. I couldn't move, couldn't speak, could barely think - it was as if I had been electrocuted. I could feel an incredible tension throughout my entire body, and I became uncomfortably aware of my heart beating in my chest. As I stared and fought to control my breathing, lest it give me away, Mr Carr continued, "Her name is Fiona. It's her first day here, so if she needs any help and directions, I want you all to help her out."

Her eyes flickered upwards for a second, and briefly caught mine before she lowered them again. I felt my heart begin to beat even faster - her eyes! Oh, God, her eyes. The burned themselves into my soul. I had never felt this way before - this incredible, painful attraction and desire for another person. As Mr Carr motioned her to a spare desk, I dealt with my new-found crush in the time-honoured tradition; by turning to my mate, and saying, "Woah, did you get a load of the new girl?"

"Aye, what a munter" he said dismissively. "It's a shame we never get any decent-looking birds in this place"

"What?!" My mouth must have dropped open in shock. "You think she's a munter?"

"Total dog. I wouldn't touch her with yours. Now, as I was saying..."

As Craig restarted our previous conversation, I just sat there in shock, barely joining in. How could he think she was in any way ugly? She was beautiful. It didn't make any kind of sense. So I just sat there, saying very little, while desperately resisting the temptation to turn round and gaze at her.

The bell rang, and we filed out of the room - she was sat near the front, so I lost sight of her in the melee. It turned out she wasn't in any of my classes that morning, so I spent most of the day in a state of distraction, longing to see her again, yet fretting over what I would actually say to her if our paths did cross. I was a wreck, and I'd only seen the girl for a few minutes - I was suffering from the strange kind of obsessive love which only either teenagers or psycho stalkers seem to feel.

Walking between classes, I suddenly spotted her up ahead in the corridor, staring shyly at the floor while shuffling along with everyone else. She was heading towards me, and my stomach flipped out. Oh God, maybe I should talk to her? But what would I say?

As she passed me, the boy who was walking in front of me suddenly caught sight of her, and said, loudly, "Jesus, what an utter minger" As his mates burst out laughing, she turned, looking puzzled, then when she realised they were laughing at her a look of pain flashed across her face. Before I could do or say anything, she was past me. I fumed inside, yet I was also puzzled - she was gorgeous. It couldn't be just my imagination - she genuinely was. So why did everyone else seem to think differently?

After making it through the morning, I headed for lunch in the company of Craig and Tom - Tom was one of Craig's mates, and was the kind of cocky, loud-mouthed one-of-the-lads wankers that seemed to proliferate in high school. Still, he was a mate of a mate, so I put up with him.

Tom was dominating the conversation as usual, probably telling us one of his many (bullshit) stories, when all of a sudden, I noticed her heading the other way again. She had her eyes glued to the ground yet again, hugging a folder to her chest. Her long, blonde hair lay around her shoulders, and her perfect porcelain face looked both beautiful, and fragile.

As we passed her, Tom turned to her, and bellowed, "Hey, Lassie. Shouldn't you have a leash on? Hahaha, what a dog"

I think we both reached the end of our tether at the same time. As I started to say, "Shut up Tom, you massive wanker," she stopped, hugged her folder tighter, and burst into tears. Massive sobs wracked her slim frame, and tears streamed down her eyes. She made no move to cover her face or move away - she just stood there, and cried.

At that moment, I knew what I had to do. Ignoring my inner instinct, which was screaming at me to not make a fool of myself, I stepped forward, and spread my arms. She looked at me, uncomprehending, before I stepped forward and threw my arms around her.

Ignoring the mocking cheers behind me, I held her against me, feeling her sobs grow weaker. She detached a hand from her folder to wipe her eyes, then gazed up at me. As I stared into her gorgeous face, with its delicate nose, large eyes, and sumptuous mouth, I found myself saying, "My God, you're beautiful."

She sniffed, and whispered, "So why does everyone keep calling me ugly."

I sighed deeply. "Well," I said, "going by most of the posts on this QOTW, no-one seems to be able to tell the difference between someone who is unmistakeably attractive, and someone who no sane person could fancy."

"Really?" She looked at me. "But wouldn't that make them fucking idiots?"

"Yes," I said. "Yes it would"

True story
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Tue 11 Oct 2011, 23:49, 14 replies)

Well played sir.

( bane, Tue 11 Oct 2011, 23:58, closed)

Nice one.
Good point well made plus you had me going there to the end.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Wed 12 Oct 2011, 0:01, closed)

Good point but...
you changed the teacher's name back and forth from Carr to McGregor. Kind of ruins it a tad.
(jonhimself, Wed 12 Oct 2011, 4:58, closed)

Nicely done

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 12 Oct 2011, 8:32, closed)

Good work fella

(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Wed 12 Oct 2011, 9:10, closed)

*cricket applause*

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 12 Oct 2011, 9:31, closed)

A neat late cut there Jonners, good for at least two

(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Wed 12 Oct 2011, 15:15, closed)

Very well played, Sir. You win this internet fair and square.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 12 Oct 2011, 9:39, closed)

Ladies and gentlemen, we have our winner...
...and not a moment too soon.

*clicks*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 12 Oct 2011, 10:38, closed)

Superbly internetted...

(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Wed 12 Oct 2011, 12:51, closed)

This is shit,
yet still more than this qotw deserves.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 12 Oct 2011, 14:46, closed)

Too true - I discovered, while writing, that I'd be fucking terrible at romantic fiction
Still, by the time I wrote all that, I thought, "May as well post it"
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Wed 12 Oct 2011, 14:57, closed)

Ok
you got me.
(d347hm4n Fraggin your ass!, Wed 12 Oct 2011, 16:49, closed)

Well had me
hammering at the door to that trap! Played! :D
(bottle_cap, Wed 12 Oct 2011, 19:32, closed)